The Kardashians usually make us wait until about halfway through the month of December before unveiling their annual Christmas card, but this year they’ve started the season a little early! Ahh, I feel more in the spirit already. I guess it’s time to take all of our old tabloids and also Kanye West’s cover of Rolling Stone out of storage, brew some hot cocoa, put on our Charlie Brown Christmas record, and start carpeting the ground with them + cash, like some sort of not-quite-as-self-aware-as-you-think fame hungry garbage dump winter wonderland. Ahhhh. Time to go out to the big dollar sign farm and cut down your own big dollar sign and light it up right next to the member of your family that is currently making you the most money. Time once again for some of my favorite Christmas traditions: putting weird dad in a tube and writing cashier on the tube, not telling the driver to actually go INSIDE to pick up Rob Kardashian and Scott Disick, and letting Lamar Odom and Kanye West decide for themselves what they want to do. (Adding to the wealth of Kimye Klues is another very good tradition.) I love Christmas! Enlarged sections of the photo after the jump, because we’re here already and what else are we doing:

Merry Christmas! (Photos via E!)

Comments (19)
  1. My favorite family Christmas cards are definitely the ones where all the family members are clearly in different places for the photos and also they’re all looking in different directions and also they’re not standing near one another at all and also they look miserable and/or suspicious, and also they’re unrecognizable. It always fills me with the true spirit of the season. I will keep this on my fridge until next year, I’m sure!

    • I was thinking the expression on the person on the left in the second picture’s face looks like the visual exemplar of “would rather be anywhere else but here”.

  2. Poor Bruce Jenner. Just sitting in a tube like inter-office male.

    • Didn’t you know that’s what happens in a divorce? You sign your name to all the papers, then you stand in a giant tube, then you are vacuumed over to accounts payable for processing.

  3. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY EYES ARE ON FIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. And I thought I was the only person to be sending out post-apocalyptic-Tron-casino-brothel themed cards this year!

  5. You know that scene in Superman 2 where Superman goes into the chamber that makes him human but it’s really a trick to zap General Zod and the other two Kryptonians of their powers? I’d like to believe that’s what Bruce Jenner is up to here.

  6. My eyes are just unable to comprehend anything in this picture. The individual parts are there, but I can’t form them together into anything comprehensible. This picture is the visual equivalent of Finnegan’s Wake.

  7. I have no words.

  8. A Wheaties box and a rat. Nice subtle fuck you to Bruce.

    • A nice subtle fuck you to Bruce? The dude…is locked in a giant tube with his hands pressed upon the glass…looking at a manequin of himself wearing his medals. He ll probably die of Asphexia in a few minutes too.

      Also he has the title cashier on top of him…given that he is actually the only guy who has ever worked in that family to make money.

      THEN, you got the magazines on the floor, the title The End right above Kim. the dollar sign. We all know that the Kardashians, are not here to stay.

      THEN you have the contrast between the Kardasian mothers and the African mother who actually takes up more space than any other person in the picture and who actually makes contact with her baby while the other Kardashian toddlers are being ignored with the oldest one being exceptionally bored.

  9. why is this

  10. David LaChappelle, what happened? When I saw his Hotel LaChappelle book in college, I lost my damn mind over his pictures. This just makes me sad.

  11. Mason looks like I feel.

  12. So was Rob excommunicated after his sock empire failed?

  13. There’s so much going on! This is like if the Sergeant Pepper’s album covered was designed by painter* John Wayne Gacy for a post-apocalypse wasteland as envisioned in 1987.

    *Also serial killer.

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