I hate to throw things out of whack for you guys, but we’re going to watch these movie trailers today because I’m not going to be here tomorrow. Are you okay? Are your heads still on? (Are your heads going to be on later when we end Thursday with a Monsters Ball?) If not, please refasten your head to your body and let’s get it going with these #TRAILERS! (Also you need it on to eat lunch!) Maleficent, you guys! Come on!


Maleficent

“Then you’ll be afraid,” of what? Your beautiful face?! JUST COME OUT AND GIVE IT TO ME! Obviously and unfortunately, this is just a teaser trailer, but consider me teased! Elle Fanning is beautiful, Angeline Jolie is beautiful, she’s wearing her scary hat. Looks Maleficent to me!

Tar

First, I think we need to think of a new way of demonstrating that a person is easily distracted rather than describing them as being easily pulled away by “shiny” things. They’re still adult humans! Come on, Mila Kunis! This movie — a biopic of C.K. Williams told through a few of his poems — was co-written and directed by twelve NYU students, and seems like James Franco’s favorite movie. If only someone else could have starred in it, so James Franco would be able to just get some popcorn and enjoy it. Oh well. That is James Franco’s burden, I guess.

Noah

Why doesn’t God flood the world again? Has He forgotten about us? Does He not care enough about us to flood the world again and give humans another chance?! This movie looks like it is going to be beautiful. That shot with the feet? Give me a break with that shot it was so beautiful! I’m sure it’s going to be good. Right now the trailer doesn’t look as dark or tortured or upsetting as I was hoping it would look, and actually it kind of seemed a little boring, but whatever. I’m sure it will be good. WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

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Comments (12)
  1. The Bible says there was two of every kind of animal on the ark but I only see one crowe?

  2. SO (cautiously) EXCITED ABOUT MALEFICENT. Please don’t be terrible, movie.

    Noah looks very The Bible Meets Lord Of The Rings: This Time With Even More White People, but I do usually find Aronofsky’s movies interesting, even when they’re not super great, so, I’ll probably see it.

  3. I am also excited about Maleficent. She’s my fave villain so I hope the don’t eff it up.

    Also, I saw (on another blog, sorry) that there is a Flowers in the Attic remake and it’s going to be on Lifetime but they removed the trailer so I can’t see it and now my day is ruined!!!!!!

  4. I really hope that Noah has a post-credit sequence of Noah waking up naked and hungover, cursing out his family.

  5. There is an extended Divergent trailer out this week. I enjoyed the book, and look forward to reading the rest of the series, but the movie just looks ok. I want to see it, but probably will wait until it’s on cable.

  6. Sorry, I can’t find my head because two sexy Biblical witnesses made a bunch of decay lantern heads and despite my obvious magical power (and the lack of eyeballs in my headless body, which raises some other questions), I don’t seem to have a mechanism for sensing which one is real. No trailers for me.

  7. Noah? More like, “Ah, no”

  8. When that dude threw his sword into the ground and flames burst out I seriously LOLed. Noah looks fucking ridiculous. Good or bad ridiculous is still to be determined.

  9. Listen, I know it’s not like a real movie, but how am I just today finding out Lifetime is redoing Flowers in the Attic?! Did you guys see the preview?! Ahhhh how exciting. It’s like I’m 12 again reading the books and pretending to hide them even though my mom didn’t care at all and in fact bought me all of them.

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