• 1 pound Lies
  • 1 cup Garbage
  • 2 cups Bullshit
  • 2 pounds WTF
  • 1 cup Are You Kidding Me?!
  • 2 pounds Wariness
  • 1 tablespoon (Cancer?)
  • 4.5 ounce But Anyway Yeah, We Definitely Did Not Think There Were Real Pumpkins In There
  • 1 cup Espresso

THANKS 4 RUINING THANKSGIVING, NYT. (Via NYTimes.)

Comments (43)
  1. This is worse than the time I found out red-flavored Kool-Aid contains no actual red.

  2. New goal: trying to somehow work “2 cups Bullshit” into conversation today (work or otherwise).

  3. I’m a-gonna give you guys a little Starbucks veteran secret. All the syrups are crazy full of chemicals because this is 2013 (or 2005, the last time I worked at the Bux), so they’re shelf-stable for, like, forever, so there is almost always a bottle of your favorite flavor on hand. Even if you don’t see it on the menu, just ask for it. It’s probably just taking up space in the store room and they want to get rid of it. How do you think I drink gingerbread lattes in April???

    • The limited time offer thing is BS is what I’m saying.

    • And you can get peppermint mochas year-round if you just ask for a few pumps of peppermint in a regular mocha–which I always forget, and that’s probably a good thing, because I’d definitely have diabetes by now if I didn’t.

    • NOT CHEMICALS! I just took a shower under chemicals THIS MORNING!!!! AM I GOING TO DIE?????? My body is 100% CHEMICALS, you guys, holy shit!

      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Do you know what the most unhealthy part of syrups are? The lovely all natural sugars and corn syrup within them.

      Natural does not equal safe. And flavors and shelf-stability are a good way of keeping food waste low. It also reduces the risk of food-borne illness — most of which is caused by unprocessed all-natural fruits, vegetables and meat products.

      And anyone who thinks a pumpkin spice latte is in any way akin to eating pumpkin probably is also demanding to know when Obama will release his real birth certificate.

      “Fuck science.” -America

  4. Eh, whatever, I’ll take my latte, thanks.

  5. Watching this video with no sound, what I learned is that lots of things that are different shades of brown are in that unappetizing-looking pie that occasionally expels pellets of chemicals with silly names like “vanillin.”

  6. More like Pumpkin Spice NOTTE.

  7. I thought that’s why it was called “pumpkin spice,” because it’s the spices but not the pumpkin.

    I am a bit sadface because I’m doing Thanksgiving with the roomie and she hates pumpkin. Making a whole pie for myself seems a little gluttonous.

    • If pumpkin pie for breakfast all week is gluttonous, then restraint is a fool’s errand.

    • I usually do orphan Thanksgiving, but EVERYBODY else is going home this year. Which means I’m making a full Thanksgiving dinner for me, Mrs. Taco, and Facetaquito. We’re gonna have SO MANY LEFTOVERS!

  8. I feel like this video says a lot of nothing. Did anybody think they were drinking extra virgin pumpkin oil? And anybody who has even a basic understanding of marketing can see the appeal of the limited time offer. I remain unfulfilled by this video!

  9. I want to meet the one person who thought there was actual pumpkin in these things and ask if they actually know what a pumpkin is.

  10. It’s a trick AND a treat. Happy Halloween everyone.

  11. Since Starbucks seems to be getting into the market of making drinks from fantasy novels, maybe they should just call it a Spice Latte, slap a picture of Paul Atreides on the cup, and call it a day.

    • I’d drink a Ginger Spice Latte both because it sounds delicious and because of the Spice Girls. Baby Spice Latte, not so much.

      • I would 4 SURE drink a Spice Ice Latte*

        *Spice Ice is kind of like a mix between a bulk candy store and a Dairy Queen, you can choose 3 candies to get all crushed up in that sumbitch. It’s fantastic but it’s also Finnish, and the ice cream is called a pyörremyrsky, which you just cannot try to order as an American without sounding like a total jackass.

    • But then you would have to deal with mega-blue eyes … which could be a really good or a really bad thing.

    • If a drug company can brand Soma, I would think this is the next step.

  12. “What You’re REALLY Drinking In Your Damn Pumpkin Spice Latte”

    Um, pumpkin spices? As in the spices used for pumpkin pie?

    #spoileralert

  13. Next you’ll tell me the world isn’t really a vampire.

  14. “Y’all just got pumpk’d!” -Ashton Kutcher

  15. So I work for a company that creates enzymes for industrial applications. A lot of the additives and such that are used in formulating a product (extend shelf life and prevent microbial contamination of a product) are things found in nature (gums, sugars, salts). They are also many of the same ingredients you’ll find on packaged foods. The flavor compounds listed in this video are derivatives from the thing it’s trying to mimic, so at least this pumpkin spice mix probably won’t give you cancer, as they’re things your body is already consuming from artisan baked goods, etc. I’d be more concerned about the sheer calorie count of that pumpkin spice latte, or the artificial sweeteners in your diet latte.

    If you want the authentic experience, you can just add pumpkin to your latte? A coworker had yogurt for lunch that she put a big scoop of pumpkin into and stirred it and it looked DELICIOUS.

  16. Thank god someone abbreviated limited-time offer to L.T.O. My life was feeling so empty without useless business acronyms!!!!

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