It’s so hard to know whom to trust these days. Like, remember when we all agreed to see The Fifth Estate together and only I went? That’s when I learned that I couldn’t trust you guys. That was hard enough, and now I apparently can’t even trust the nameless eyewitness that reported the Ryan Reynolds barf story to Radar Online?! UGGHH, this world is so difficult to navigate! From Vulture:

“I heard about that,” Reynolds told Vulture when we asked the whereabouts of his infamous sweater. “That is utterly made-up. I don’t know where that stuff comes from. It’s fantastic, it sounds like a great story.” In reality, it’s been decades since a girl vomited on him. “Someone threw up on me in fifth grade. That was the last time it happened. Sherry Piper, while we were square dancing. Trafalgar Elementary School. Yeah, that was the last time.”

OR CAN WE NOT TRUST RYAN REYNOLDS?! I don’t have any kind of real relationship with either Ryan Reynolds or the unnamed eyewitness who reported the barf story to Radar Online, so it’s hard for me to feel out which one of them is lying to us. I guess a question worth asking is, which has more to gain from their lie? Ryan Reynolds gains the idea that he possibly doesn’t wear sweaters without undershirts, like a lunatic. That’s a pretty big win. The unnamed eyewitness gains the status of whistleblower on one of the greatest red wine airplane celeb barf stories of our time, though, which is also a big win. Ugh, I just don’t know. Can someone contact the airline? The eyewitness says flight attendants “were seen giggling amongst themselves after the incident had taken place,” won’t one of them speak up, if they’re out there?! SOMEONE PLZ SOLVE THIS HOLLYWOOD BARF MYSTERY!!!

Comments (17)
  1. It was probably Ryan Gosling.

  2. Don’t Trust the B*rf in Seat 2D.

  3. Well one thing’s for sure. You can’t trust Ryan Reynolds not to put you on blast if your name is Sherry Piper, you went to Trafalgar Elementary School, and you were hoping to live down the time you barfed on your square dancing partner.

    • Exactly what I was thinking! I hope Sherry realised her square dancing partner grew up to be Ryan Reynolds, otherwise she’s in for a heck of a shock.

      • If Sherry Piper were smart she’d option that story immediately. BOOM. Coming Summer 2015: Piper’s Peril: The Untold Story.

        • Sounds like the perfect Drew Barrymore romantic comedy to me.
          Fifth grader Sherry Piper is an outcast. She tries to stay on the sidelines, but one fateful day in gym class, she gets partnered with Ryan, the cute boy in class, for a mandatory square dancing lesson. What will she do? If she doesn’t dress out, she will fail gym for the year and be held back. So she sucks it up, starts to dance with Ryan, and promptly stress-barfs all over him. She ran out of the gym, humiliated, and didn’t talk to anyone at school straight through until graduation, at which point she left her home town, got a saucy new hair cut, went to college and set about reinventing herself as an edgy, confident woman. She convinced herself that nobody would remember her humiliation and that she’d blown it all out of proportion. After all, was she not now a successful, beautiful, independent woman? Little did she know that Ryan, the cute boy from her square dancing trauma, grew up to be none other than Ryan Reynolds of Green Lantern fame, and he didn’t forget – no, he never forgot – that she had straight up barfed in his face. When a misunderstanding about an airline passenger vomiting on Ryan surfaces, Sherry’s past life comes back to haunt her. She calls Ryan to confront him about publicly shaming her, he sees how nicely she grew up, they kiss and fall in love. The end.

    • I think it was wine-drunk Sherry staging a grown-up meet-cute. She has one game, that Sherry, and it involves barf.

  4. Tangentially related hilarious news: Blake Lively, Gossip Girl actress and wife of Ryan Reynolds, spoke to a group of high school students at the White House about the importance of education (move along, we’re just going to pretend that makes sense so we can get to the really good stuff), and she said she wasn’t allowed to walk the stage at her high school graduation because she missed too much school for filming. And THEN she said, “They didn’t let me do that because they wanted to shut me down.” Oh. Mmhmm. Well. I guess she must have missed the school days where you learn how not to be The Worst.

    • You know, I went so long believe that Gwenyth Paltrow was the worst, that Blake Lively was able to just come in all stealthy and nonchalant like and steal that crown.

    • Can I tell my Blake Lively story here?! One time a friend and I went to a taping of SNL and Blake Lively and That Other Girl From That Show were in the audience, but they were SUPER late so they had to sit on the stairs and then they kept loudly sighing and looking disturbed that people were noticing that they were famous (that happens when you walk right through an audience after the show has started). THEN they left through the super crowded front entrance (when lots of people slip out the back, I think) and people were being super respectful about it (think standing like 15 feet away behind a rope yelling “I love you Blake! You’re so beautiful!”) and she and the other girl acted really put out and literally stormed off with their hands behind their faces.
      Anyway, that’s my super long Blake Lively story

  5. Paul McCartnée  |   Posted on Nov 11th, 2013 +4

    It’s a veritable Vomit Who-Dun-It

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