What the fuck is going on?! We turn our backs for two seconds, minding our own god damn business for once in our lives, and Jennifer Aniston goes and gets a Brazilian blowout to which her hair badly reacts and then she CUTS IT OFF TO ABOVE HER SHOULDERS?!!???? UHHHHHH, what?! Then we turn our back for two more seconds, mostly to look at Jennifer Aniston’s haircut, and Jennifer Lawrence cuts HER hair?! To a short length? WHEN IT USED TO BE KIND OF LONG?! AND THEN IS ON A PLANE WITH IT, LIKE IT’S NO BIG DEAL?! What’s next, Jennifer Love Hewitt?! Is Jennifer Love Hewitt going to get some sort of haircut next?! Then what? Jennifer Lopez?! Oh that would be just like Jennifer Lopez to get a haircut! And then you know Jennifer Hudson is going to march right into some salon and ask for them to cut her hair too! And then I bet Jennifer Gray  will just be like, “Oh, I think I need a haircut.” Jesus christ. And then what?! Jennifer Garner?!?!?! OOOOH WHEN WILL MS. JENNIFER GARNER SHOW HER NEW HAIRCUT, DO YOU THINK? And then look at that, look who’s going to be strolling down the street with some shorter hair than she had before, I bet — oh, it’s just JENNIFER TILLY. RUINING OUR LIVES. Oh, and who’s that behind her? Leaving the haircutters? Hmmm…looks like, oh that’s right, looks like Jennifer Connolly sporting a shorter ‘do than she used to have! GOD DAMNIT, JENNIFERS! WE’RE WATCHING YOU, JENNIFER JASON LEIGH! (Thanks for the tips, Scott and Jenny!)

Comments (27)
  1. At least the conifers are keeping the same style through the winter.

  2. Don’t Call Her Jenn: Jennifers are cutting their hair but never their name, story tonight on Inside Edition!

  3. Say what you want about Aniston, but I think it’s pretty cool she quit acting to become a contract killer.

  4. Jennifer Aniston’s hair cut was big news for the Today show this morning. But what the hell is a Brazilian blowout? Answer me that Matt Lauer!

    • I think it straightens your hair for a few days?

    • It’s actually a really hardcore procedure that involved formaldehyde and is really, really bad for you, and for the stylists who do it (they have to wear masks). Because why not risk your health for slightly straighter hair, amirite?

    • Why did they have Matt report on the hair story? He is notoriously sensitive about his baldness! He’s not the one to explain any sort of hair style development to anyone!

      • It might have been Tamron or Savannah. I’ll be honest – when the Today show wakes me up, it all blurs together in a symphony of annoying sounds and stories.

        Also, when did Matt Lauer start growing out a beard? I swear I saw him sporting some stubble this morning.

        • It looks like he’s doing No Shave November. Oh boy. I’m glad I’m trying to avoid watching the Today Show this month.

          • Switch to CBS This Morning. Charlie Rose will change your life.

          • I’m going to try watching no morning tv, and I’m pretty excited about it.

          • Elaine, I think we used CBS for a while. Our tv has an alarm clock, so being woken up to the Today Show is more annoying, and thus more successful at getting us out of bed.

            I’m thinking the Game Show Network could really do the trick in terms of noise, but waking up to reruns of 70s game shows might be too entertaining, and then we’ll just be late for work because we had to see who won Family Feud forty years ago.

    • It’s also called a keratin treatment and it’s supposed to keep your hair straight right out of the shower (no heating products necessary) for like 5 months. My co-worker got one recently and we were just talking about it today because of J.Aniston. It cost my co-worker like $300 and only lasted FULLY for about 2 months. She says her stylist used a treatment WITHOUT formaldehyde. But she said it took HOURS and the stylists still had to wear masks! BUT BUT she said that for the 2 months that it was 100% effective, she loved it because she didn’t have to use a straightener at all.

      • It is absolutely ridiculous that this exists. Buy a Chi and some heat protector spray and call it a day. You can’t spend 10-20 minutes a day to do your hair, but you will spend hours with awful chemicals on your head? Bleh.

  5. I bet they’re haircuts cost more than my car.

  6. Jennifer Aniston has my haircut and last week I kept seeing Justin Theroux lookalikes everywhere I went.

    WHAT DOES IT MEAN??

  7. Has anyone seen Jennifer Coolidge? What is the status of her hair???

  8. It looks like River Phoenix on the left OMG

  9. Is our Jennifer Lawrence a soccer mom in 2006 now??

  10. I sense Gabe spinning in his grave at the use of the word “hair-story” in that Jennifer Aniston article.

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