Of course. How foolish we were not to see this moment sitting in our future, waiting, its elegant, manicured fingers tapping its — I don’t know — some sort of fancy, expensive, antique-but-in-perfect-condition table. The moment when Martha Stewart, the world’s leading lifestyle expert, would be asked about Gwyneth Paltrow, the world’s leading lifestyle expert for second-generation famous actresses who are married to rockstars, and also the children of those people. From Bloomberg TV, via Dlisted:

“I haven’t eaten at Gwyneth’s house. And I’ve never seen how she lives. But if she is authentic, all the better. I mean, and I certainly hope she is. She really wants to be part of the lifestyle business … Gwyneth for example, has a book on the best-seller list. She must be doing something right. She’s a charming, pretty person who has a feeling for lifestyle. She wants to be a lifestyle arbiter. Fine. Good. I think I started this whole category of lifestyle.”

Ooooh shit! “She really wants to be part of the lifestyle business.” YA BURNT, GOOP! As I’m sure Gwyneth Paltrow knows, in “the lifestyle business” there are few things less elegant than being perceived as trying too hard to break into “the lifestyle business.” Either you’re a person who can tell someone how to fold their napkins for a dinner party and which local fishmonger has the best and most eco-friendly delivery method, or you’re a person who can try to — you poor thing. But, go ahead, keep at it. If that’s what you want! Fine. Good. #ithinkistartedthiswholecategoryoflifestyle

Comments (18)
  1. I don’t know if Martha Stewart started the Lifestyle category but it seems she’s got the shadingest bitch in town category locked up. (This is a compliment.)

  2. I think I started the whole category of reading things on the internet instead of doing my job, way back in ’98. You guys can try, if you like. But I started it.

    • “I think I started the whole category of triple entendres. Right? Hey Ye, what is a triple entendre? I did that right? On that Drake song? Yeah. Totally.” — Jay Z

  3. First Blake Lively, now Martha! Sleep with one eye open, Goop.

  4. I can only assume that at this point in their career they are both like the middle-aged men and women that check their phones in the most inopportune moments, e.g.: during an intense work out or 5K, at a red light that YUP just turned green, at the front of the line at a café. I.e., always annoying everyone around them.

  5. Martha! I love your silly face, but check your references!
    You were born in 1941. The OED’s first reference to “life-style” dates to 1915. (Impressionism, inasmuch as it was the “expediency [that] excludes any possibility of peace or rest in unity with the universe” founded the lifestyle game.)

    • Yes, I HAVE been in the library for too long.

    • Martha simply revealed herself to us in her current form in 1941. She has actually been here since the beginning of time. Back in neanderthal-times she was like “Yeah, nice try Cromaggie, I can see that you really want to be a cave painter and that’s terrific and you’re very pretty, but I invented cave painting back when your grandparents were still in the primordial ooze.”

      • Neanderthals didn’t die out in a cataclysm; they were slowly shamed out of existence in the late Stone Age as eating utensils developed in complexity and knowing what order to use them in became crucial to survival.

  6. “Fine. Good.”

  7. I think there is no one more authentically insufferable than Gwyneth. If she’s just putting this persona on, she really did deserve that Oscar.

  8. Passive see you next tuesday done right.

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