In a recent interview with Vanilla Ice, the conversation turned to the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle reboot. Of the kind of role Vanilla Ice would like in this movie, he says: “Anything, somewhere in there. Michael Bay’s doing this one, it’s huge!” But the interview wasn’t always so sunny. Please, be warned that what you’re about to read is upsetting, and might push you over the edge of the emotional pain the human mind can comprehend and withhold, if you were already placed precariously on that particular edge. It’s rough out there. And Vanilla Ice isn’t even talking about the time Suge Knight held him outside of a balcony by his ankles in order to force him to sign away his publishing rights to “Ice, Ice Baby.” From Moviefone:

While chatting with the rapper (a.k.a Robert Van Winkle) about his new TV show, “Vanilla Ice Goes Amish,” he was ecstatic about the upcoming 2014 Michael Bay “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” project. A self-proclaimed “Ninja Turtle at heart,” when we asked him if he’d like a role or cameo in the new “TMNT” he practically jumped out of his chair.

“Hell yes! ‘Secret of the Ooze’ is the highlight of my life and I’ll never top it!”

I’m sorry, I know that the words pull your heart through your stomach until your entire being feels like it’s rushing to the core of the Earth, and you might be wondering why I shared them at all. But the fact is that you can’t ignore everything in life that seems too difficult to handle. Remember that life can be dark, but even in its darkest and most difficult moments, there are people out there who love us. Hug someone you love today. Our hearts and minds are with Vanilla Ice. (Via FilmDrunk.)

Comments (23)
  1. I hope Michael Bay gets Macklemore to do a rap that sounds nearly identical to Vanilla Ice’s rap, except it goes “ding ding ding dingy ding-ding tss.”

  2. I did not know about that story about Suge Knight and the balcony. Finding out that is a real thing is so sad.

  3. I’m much more interested in the inevitable documentary; Vanilla Ice: the Secret of the Booze.

  4. Most grownups are little kids when it comes to one thing or another. I guess Vanilla’s thing is the ninja turtles. I’m a little kid about Disney World. Ahhhh! Can we go? Can we? (see)

  5. During the interview, in the background, there is a janitor who looks suspiciously like Snow, pushing a broom and muttering something about how he wishes he could have been in Secret of the Ooze.

  6. While I sincerely* hope he finds the strength to get through this troubling time, I can’t help but wonder about his starring role in Cool As Ice? Oh, so now Michael Gross isn’t as fun to work with as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Offense taken**.

    **I do not know Michael Gross or any of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. All seem like lovely individuals/mutant turtles. None taken.

  7. Bask in the glory of a man at his peak potential

  8. When asked if he felt like the new Turtles movie was going to put him Under Pressure, Vanilla Ice responded that what he was feeling was completely different.

  9. Ugh. I have had a very, very sad week and this is just right on up there with the sad news I’ve gotten. I’m sorry to hear about your loss, Vanilla Ice (your loss of all confidence of a successful or fulfilling future), and I wish you all good things in your bleak upcoming life.

  10. Have you guys seen The Vanilla Ice Project? It’s a home improvement show… with Vanilla Ice. Watching him and a bunch of bodyguard types trying to assemble a backyard firepit was one of the most entertaining twenty minutes of terrible latenight television of my life.

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