It’s Thursday, October 10th, 2013, and you know what that means: only three more weeks left until Thursday, October 31st, 2013! And you know what that means: it’s almost the Thursday before the weekend during which you’ll dress up for Halloween! All hallows ween! I know you don’t all live in the city, but I’ll tell you what: there is just nothing like waiting until the last Halloween minute, throwing on some clothes that barely look like the kind of clothes that the person on the sitcom you’re going to tell people you’re dressed up as wears, filing into a crowded subway car full of loud, drunk, dressed up dumb-dumbs, and going to a friend’s party that makes you wish you had spent more time on your Halloween costume because everyone else’s Halloween costume is actually pretty good. But maybe that’s not you! OR MAYBE IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE! WHOM ARE YOU GOING TO BE WEARING THIS HALLOWEEN?! We’ve put together a photo gallery full of terrible options for you to flip through, in case you need some inspiration. Or are you already inspired? Are you going to be beat-up Jesse from Breaking Bad? Are you going to be the nazis from Breaking Bad? (Don’t be the nazis!!) Are you going to be, ahh, I don’t know, Seth Rogan? Nick Burns? He Hate Me from the XFL? The baby from Rosemary’s Baby? The bookstore ladies from Portlandia? Vincent Gallo? Is it a surprise? (Don’t be one of those people who says it’s a surprise.) (NO ONE cares about your stupid Halloween costume and it’s 100% not going to be that great, just tell me what it is.) (TELL ME WHAT IT IS NOWWWW!) Are you going to be “What Does A Fox Say,” or whatever? Bob’s Burgers? Tell me!

Comments (50)
  1. Miley Costume?

  2. Is that the guy from Prodigy?

  3. A couple of years ago when I was growing my hair out I was Joe Jonas with a dumb hat and tons of really cheap necklaces from H&M and a v-neck shirt. And it was literally the most accurate Hween costume ever, but sadly I am friends with adults and not nine-year-olds, so no one appreciated it and people thought I was just, like, “Flanny wearing a hat.” (I still wear the v-neck, though.)

    • Four years ago I dressed up as Liz Lemon, which basically entailed me wearing my normal clothes and a wig and fake glasses. Now I actually wear glasses and have grown my hair out so I’m pretty much Liz Lemon every day!

    • Several years ago I had a very accurate Kevin Federline costume, but everyone thought I was “white trash FRQ”.

    • One year I was Ke$ha, which meant that I wore out the make-up I slept in the night before and got belligerently drunk. I recommend this.

  4. If I was actually going out, I’d be Marceline from Adventure Time (yes, I realize I should be Lady Raincorn, but I’d probably have to enlist a few friends to help with that one). Since I’m probably not, because ugh, leaving the house amirite, I’m going to be a woman in yoga pants and slipper socks.

  5. I am proudly going as my favorite one-off Simpsons character:

  6. I’m going as Obamacare

  7. A month ago, I had a ton of hair so I thought, Halloween’s coming up. Maybe I can use this to be Moss from the IT Crowd. But it was too much hair and it was super annoying so I got a haircut. It’s back the the drawing board.

    Maybe I will tape a wear a sandwich board of board games and pictures of ornate chairs. “I’m Game of Thrones!”

  8. I’m going as that terrible AMC promo that tries to edit all its original programming together to look like a single narrative

  9. I’m thinking:

  10. I was going to be a generic superhero. The plan was to keep changing my name all night when people asked who I was supposed to be and then act like it was weird that they hadn’t heard of the hero. Now though, an annoying friend decided it would be fun (i.e. she is unoriginal) to “match” and her version looks like an actual hooker than just happens to be fashionably wearing a mini-cape. I guess it’s back to the drawing board.

  11. I was going to be Sharon Needles and it was going to be awesome because I already had a great dress and shoes and I just needed a wig and some crazy makeup, but the wig was probably going to have to be kind of expensive and it turns out I may not actually be doing anything for Halloween because my friend who always throws a party doesn’t live in a place big enough to have a party anymore! So I don’t want to spend a lot of money for no reason. So I’m going to go to the thrift store and get a puffy coat and then buy the cheapest gorilla mask so I can be the Ikea Monkey in case I end up going out.

  12. I’m going as Tina from Bob’s Burgers!

  13. If you are going to dress your family up as the Avengers you should NOT pose in photos where you are pointing an arrow at your child’s head. In fact, you should never pose for any photos where you are pointing an arrow at your child’s head, no matter what holiday it is.

  14. Last year my fiance and I were going to be Bret (me) and Jemaine (him) from Flight of the Conchords. We bought all our costume stuff and I had a fake beard crepe wool plan and we were super excited, but then NONE of our friends had a costume party, and nobody was even interested in coming to our place for a costume party, so we had nothing to dress up for. I’m not sure what’s going on this year either. Basically I’m having visions of us repeatedly being unable to debut our awesome couples costume for the next 20 years.

  15. God, I’m pretty sure I’m going to see about a thousand Miley at the VMA costumes.

    I have two costumes this year because I love Hallowe’en! I was just going to be Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite, but then I managed to work out going to Disneyland for their Hallowe’en Party event with friends, so I pulled together Ariel and Eric costumes for me and my dude. Two friends are also throwing themed Hallowe’en parties, but I am not dress up for either theme because jeez guys I already have two costumes. You could at least be throwing Disney and/or video game costume parties to accommodate my hard work here.

  16. I have it narrowed down to Louise from Bob’s Burgers or Fat Betty in her housecoat with Bugles. I tried to do that last year and talk my slender sister into being Zou bi zou Megan and going as the Draper wives, but she wasn’t into it.

  17. I will be going as Cosmo Kramer. After I woke up one morning I saw myself in the mirror and my hair, which is already brown and wavy/curly-ish was sticking up a good bit in a very Kramer-esque way. I then remembered that I own a short sleeve button down shirt that is also very Kramer esque, and since I am an adult I own a few pairs of dressier looking pants. I plan on bursting in to the apartment next door to mine unannounced and stealing that guy’s food. It’s gonna be great and my neighbors will love me.

  18. I’m dressing up as the lesbian lovechild of Janet Yellen and Elizabeth Warren because they seem like they’d be great at being my 2 moms and I don’t really like my real parents

  19. This is who I’m going to be for Halloween:

    Because I’m a goddamned genius, APPARENTLY.

  20. I thought we were all going to wear the Silver Linings Playbook sweatsuit and a garbage bag, and Gabe was going to take us trick-or-treating? Is that not happening? Pls tell me ASAP so I can make other plans.

  21. has anyone checked on badideajeans to make sure her head didn’t fall off after seeing the golden retriever dressed as the headless horseman?

  22. I love Halloween – my bday is right before it so growing up every party was a costume party. I’m having another one this year (never grow up) and I will be Kevin from Up. This is my inspiration:

    Trying for non-slutty but cute. And my friend is going to be Russell!.

  23. I found an awesome Captain Marvel dress online that I’m going to order and then proceed to wear it all the time, not just halloween.

    I do also want to make a cool paper mache mask, but I’m not sure what of

  24. I like to come up with ideas for group costumes. My favorite is still characters from Star Trek, as other characters, i.e., Data as Sherlock Holmes, Riker as Little John, etc.

    This year’s idea was people all as different Kurt Russels. I was going to be R.J. MacReady. It officially went out the window when I cut my hair.

  25. I’ve gone as a dead cowboy for the past few years and I see no reason not to do it again.

  26. Louise Belcher. I’m still waiting for the hat I ordered from Etsy.

    P.S. This gif is pretty much 3 phone calls I had today.

  27. Little Orphan Annie. Too soon?

  28. Haunted Toaster.

  29. My sister & I are going as Jean Ralphio & Mona Lisa Saperstein.


  30. I look forward to Halloween every year exclusively to read the “He Hate Me” reference on this blog. Thank You.

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