Oh, this motherfucker. This piece of shit, condescending, lying, white male motherfucker. Okay. Breathe. Try to remember your cool-down exercises. Close your eyes, take a slow, deep breath, and try to remember– Oh, motherfuck. It’s not working! Ahhh, is there a window nearby? Look out the window. Observe any nearby trees, their beautiful leaves changing from green to red. Life isn’t all bullshit motherfuckers, straight up looking into faces, lying, and doubling down on those lies with misogyny, BUT IT IS A LOT OF THAT, JESUS CHRIST. Okay, okay, okay. Another deep breath. Clear your mind. Hum, maybe — maybe humming with help you clear your mind. Mirror your humming to that of the loud droning hum that must take the place of all reasonable thought in the minds of many of the GOP motherfuckers that the more sensible GOP motherfuckers somehow can’t stop from going in front of cameras and making shit noises come out of their fucking dumbass lying, backwards, bullshit mouths AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OUR COOL-DOWN EXERCISES HAVE FAILED, JUST CLICK THROUGH AND WATCH THE VIDEO.

Unfortunately we can’t all get away with being neither, Todd, you motherfucker. THIS FACE FOREVER:

Say “Seriously, Carol” one more time. SAY IT ONE MORE TIME! BAN MEN. (Via Pajiba.)

Comments (82)
  1. Haha, woops, looks like the Internet finally broke Kelly. It’s okay Kelly. We have a nice room for you in a farm upstate. There are lots of mini-pigs, puppies, and kittens for you to snuggle with. Also no men. Have fun!

  2. I know I’ve already gotten some mileage out of this gif this week, but it’s so useful:

  3. All of this (completely justified) anger made me so, so, so happy

    • I’m just relieved Kelly was not upset at a black female because it would have felt hella awkward to read videogum denouncing “This piece of shit, condescending, lying, black female motherfucker.”

      • Oop, yes, that would be totes awk. Though honestly, my strange happinessdespitesomeonebeingperfectlyhorrible was definitely due to the number of times “motherfucker” was used as a descriptor/exclamation. I may be an adult female, but curse laced musings still bring out the smiles! Much thanks to Kelly.

  4. Even though you’re an elected representative sir, you still don’t have to be a patronising piece of!

    (And do NOT get me started on blaming the media for this one)

    • That was probably the lamest attempt to blame the media I’ve ever seen. He practically did a sarcastic dumb guy voice while saying it.

      • Oh, agreed. It was like, HELP! I haven’t got anything in my brain! What do people normally say at this point?!

        We in the media can be blamed for a lot of stuff. But I don’t think anyone on TV, internet, radio, newspaper, you name it, actually made all this happen. Did they?

  5. No. No no no no no no no no. Noooooooooo no no NOPE. Nope nope nope. Fuck this. Fuck him.

    What is it with dudes named Todd being horrible, terrible shitheads?

  6. all of the UGHs i can give

  7. Well, Todd, you are a fat dumbfuck, but you must also be honest.

  8. My cooldown exercise is not watching this video.

  9. Seriously fuck him. Fuck everything, except for you guys. I am walking to the moon.

  10. Won’t anyone think of the children CEOs?

  11. Wait, so “Wall Street Bankers” want one thing and this tool wants the opposite? Maybe we’re really better off with nothing.

  12. I know Pawnee is a fictional place, but I’m sure this guy would NOT be it’s representative.

  13. i am so happy that i am not an american.

  14. “The CEOs in my office were mothers, and fathers…” Ugh, gag me….Yeah, DICK, I guess some of those rich assholes probably do have kids, unlike the thousands of furloughed federal workers who have no paycheck now to feed their children, or the thousands of parents of Head Start children who can’t work because they have no child care, or the thousands of WIC recipients who can’t buy groceries now, or the thousands of newborn babies without formula available now because your shutdown shut that down too! God so much pisses me off about the Republican party but maybe nothing as much as their smug mug faces talking about how they care so much about “families” and “children” while simultaneously stomping on their necks with a steel toed boot.

  15. Wait, when the exactly did the GOP start worrying about future generations?

    • I just reheard the condescending “do you have kids yet” then his weird diatribe about debt and I thought of the ecological debt that assholes like this are responsible for that benefits the companies and CEOs that were visiting him in his office yesterday and I almost wanted to punch a hole in the wall… All of this to prevent kids from getting health care that will help them manage with the inevitable Black Lung that they will all get if Republicans like him had actual free reign. I bet he supported lowering the working age like Newt, so kids could work in factories and we get back to the Dickensian ideal that ushered in the last Gilded Age.

      This man is hideous and has to be honest as well.

  16. I’m pretty sure he thought they were flirting. I quit.

  17. Why did she cut the interview short? He reeaaally wanted to get to the subject of the NIH not accepting new child patients for cancer trials due to the shutdown!


  18. All in favor of another Red Wedding, say “I!”

  19. He wants to show her his “O-bama” face.

  20. On a personal, selfish note, every time lately that there is a Carol in “pop culture” who is not someone’s punch-line old maid aunt, it’s smothered is disgusting sexism. WILL CAROLS NEVER WIN??
    Also, this shutdown is also disgusting.

  21. I think pretty much every day I get another reason to follow through on my idea of going to school in Iceland and learning Icelandic (and never returning).

    • And isn’t it Iceland where dating has become a problem because the nation’s gene pool is so small that almost everyone is related? So we could all move there and hit on cute Icelandic guys and gals by leading with, “Hey there! I’m definitely not your cousin.” *eyebrow waggle*

      Seems like a win-win. I’m in.

      • When I visited I was told that I girls often set their sights on non-Icelanders because that way they can have some fun without all their friends finding out about it, because even if you don’t know the person you are aiming to leave the bar with, they likely know somoene you know, and soon everyone will know.

        • Is this also true of Icelandic guys? Asking for a friend.

          • I don’t know. Probably? If I follow through with this plan I will ask around and let you know so that you can tell your friend.

          • That friend might be me. So… is that true? Ironically, I was just chatting with my cousin in Sweden about this government nonsense and asked her if she could set me up with her myriad of handsome male friends. She believes so!

            Rad health care and functional socialism, HERE I COME!!!

          • I really was told that by the daughter of the family whose apartment I rented. If I go to school there and confirm it, you’ll be the first (actually, no, sorry you probably won’t but you’ll still be able) to know.

        • Haha this sounds straight out of a screenplay about high-school kids trying to lose their virginity

  22. I hate his accent. I think it made it worse, if that is even possible.

    • I know I keep harping on this (in my mind), but the way he said my name (my name is Carol) made me want to puke. CArul. CArul. CArul. Get my name out of your mouth, ass.

  23. His drivel is the same scare patter conservatives have been using to stall good laws forever. If you go back in time and listen to their bogus arguments against social security, medicare, the civil rights bill, even the darn G.I. bill!! Who could be against the G.I. bill!?!?! All of these laws were, according to conservatives, going to end democracy as we know it and turn us into socialists. Ugh. It’s the law man. Now’s not the time or place to fight it. Do your job.

  24. 9:22 am is too early in the day to be drunk, Todd Rokita.

  25. I’m surprised this is the only post in Videogum history with the tag “Straight Up Idiots”

  26. We’ve had pretty bad taste in men in the past, but this guys is definitely NOT our boyfriend.

  27. The thing I don’t get is the argument that Obamacare will hurt the children by giving them higher taxes, completely ignoring the fact that these future adults will not be paying for private insurance (or not paying as much for it anyway), hospital bills, prescriptions… and when you don’t pay for doctors’ visits, you go much more frequently which means that the focus is moved to preventive measures rather than reactionary ones, which are far far cheaper. It is without a doubt cheaper to pay for pap smears, prostate exams and mammograms plus any spot treatment of problem areas than to pay for life long treatment of full blown cancer, for example. Fuck the “think of the children” argument. We ARE thinking of the children.

    Um, not to mention that if we’re so concerned about our children’s tax legacies, how about the fact that income taxes would have to be raised 8-10% across the board to pay for Iraq and Afghanistan (or at least, the expenses which have been made public, which is not all of them) (if anyone was paying for them rather than racking up and undisclosed amount of debt). Where’s the govt shutdown over that??

  28. What was it that Jesse Pinkman said about dudes named Todd….

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