Grab your tinfoil hats! Grab however much moisturizer you think it’ll take to get your skin through at least the next few weeks! Remember that we’re transitioning through seasons, so it might be more moisturizer than you’d normally use! Grab your copy of The Elements of Style, it’s small enough to carry with you and it’s always useful! Grab a handful of trail mix! Grab a bottle of wine! Make sure you’ve got your contact solution and maybe a makeup sample you got that you’ve been wanting to try, and let’s GTF-OUT OF HEEEEEREEE!

On road E50 outside of Joplin, Missouri, there is a light that no one can explain (NO ONE CAN EXPLAIN IT), and it is the subject of a new photographic series called “The Devil’s Promenade” from artists Lara Shipley and Antone Dolezal. Locals call it the “Spook Light” and it’s been there since 1881! OR EARLIER! What?! From the Daily Mail:

Local legend has it that the first to see the lights were the local Quapaw Indians, and some stories saw the light is actually the tormented spirits of two Quapaw lovers run off a cliff by an angry Chieftan.

Other folklore says the light is the torch of a Quapaw or Osage Indian who was beheaded and is searching for his head. Still others maintain it’s the spirit of a decapitated miner or Confederate soldier in search of his lost head. …

Even the Army Corps of Engineers once tried to pinpoint the cause of the floating orb. They traveled to the area outside Joplin, a town now known as the 2011 site of a devastating F5 tornado, to study the Spook Light in the early 1940s. They were unable to come to any conclusions.

Guesses as to its origins run from everyday expulsions of gas from the areas abundant shale deposits to UFOs.

WHY HASN’T ANYONE TRIED TO FIGURE THIS OUT SINCE 1940? “Well, they already tried! What do you want us to do?” Un-shut down the government and send someone over right away! THIS IS A PRESSING ISSUE! Here is some evidence:

AHHHHHHH! LIGHTS! Well, we had a fine enough run. Tell your families you love them and prepare to have our world enveloped by the Spook Light. “They shooouuld havvee invessttiiigaaated,” the ghosts or aliens will say, with a laugh, as we all parish. “Whyyy diiiddn’t theeeyy fiiiguree itttt oouuuuut? Theyy bareeely eveeen triiiieeed.” (Thanks for the tip, badideajeans!)

Comments (29)
  1. True story: Once my mom and I were in her backyard (which is in the middle of nowhere) at night, taking the dogs out to whiz, and a huge, bright ball of light appeared in the sky to the northeast–where there’s nothing but forest–and just…was there, for like five minutes. Didn’t move or make a sound. Mom and I watched it as the dogs peed and basically said, “Huh, weird” and went back inside. So, those aliens were probably pretty upset about how nonchalant we were.


    • Ha, I love that. “BLEEEEP! Why did the earthlings not care? BLEEEEP!”

      (def. how aliens speak)

      • It was funny because we sort of thought nothing of it at the time? Like, we just kept chatting and waiting for the dogs. It wasn’t until later that we were all “Wait a second, that was REALLY STRANGE.”

        • They’re the best/worst kind of experiences! Like the time my extremely rational parents took us to a haunted house and it was only when we got home that they were like, what the hell just happened there?

          • wait, did you know going in that it was a haunted house? Or did you just go to a random house and experience a haunting?

          • Ooh, what happened??

          • Yes, we all want to know what the hell happened there! Give us deets!!!

          • Sorry! No. It was not meant to be a haunted house! It was just supposed to be a nice trip out to learn about history or whatever. It felt a bit odd in there, like it was pretty empty for a stately home (think crap version of Downton) and it was really cold, even though it was summer (don’t say, yes, you were in the UK!)

            Anyway long story short, we got home and my mum and my sister definitely reckoned they saw something. And I can never find that place on a map now. Like it doesn’t exist, maybe?

          • Was it a house you later learned to be haunted or was it a haunted house like an attraction around Halloween? I walked past an abandoned insane asylum once on the Upper West Side and everyone I walked with was like “did you all feel super creeped out for a bit?” so we assumed haunted ghost stuff. I actually just think it was an old mansion that was about to get renovated but either way… SPOOOOOKY.

          • I really hope we have a spooky post in the next couple of weeks so all of us can share these spooky stories.

          • Niiiice.

            I am so ready for a spooky stories thread! Although my spookiest story happened to a member of my family, and he might not be cool with me telling it (it’s scary in a not-fun way).

          • Oh, we need a spooky story thread every week, I think.

          • Not really either, badideajeans. It was just signposted as a place of interest. Certainly nothing special for Hallowe’en, this would have been easily 18 years ago and it’s only in the last 10 years or so that it became a big thing here. Plus it was summer, I am sure it was summer. I am going to phone my folks to see what they remember, ready for the spooky thread!

          • By the way, it was proper terrifying back then. I can laugh now but when you’re a kid and your mum is scared, you feel it.

          • My mum remembers it! It’s not just me!

  2. I only just got over reading about this on Sunday! Not again! Now even the reflection of my lights in my window is terrifying me!


    • Yeah, we’re going to need a lot of wine. A lot. How many are coming? How many days? 3 bottles per person per day is what they* recommend for a standard emergency kit.

      *Senior editors at my news station actually said this to me (possibly slightly in jest but not really) when I was asking about earthquake safety. A case of dark beer too. The reasoning is that if you’re in a situation where you need an emergency kit, you sure as hell need a large large glass of wine. (And dark beer has carbs not unlike whole wheat bread, sedates you and can be consumed warm and lasts a lot longer than bread.)

      Safety first.

  4. Please remember everyone that skin is not the only thing that needs moisturizer! #neverforgetconditioner

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