You wake up in your bed, same as ever, but something seems a little off. You’ve woken to your alarm, so it must be early morning, but outside your windows it seems like night. Actually, upon closer inspection, it doesn’t seem like anything — it seems each and every one of your windows has been covered from the outside. Your heart rate increases and your breath quickens. You look around you hesitantly, afraid of what you might see. Are you being robbed? Are you being held captive in your own home? Oh no. Terrified, you walk through the house to the front door and try to open it. The knob turns, but pushing the door is difficult, like it’s being held down from the outside. You get a running start and, after a few tries, manage to ram through, only to be IMMEDIATELY COVERED IN SPIDER WEBS! YOUR EYES AND MOUTH AND BODY ARE ALL COVERED IN SPIDER WEBS, AS IS YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE AND ALSO YOUR ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD! WHAT IS GOING ON?! WHAT!? IS?! GOING?! ON?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!

What a disgusting nightmare. Spiders, man. I get that they “eat bad bugs” or whatever people say, but do they have to be so scary when they do it? Seriously. Get it together, spiders. (PS: That guy def watches too much SciFi.) (Via Gawker.)

Comments (16)
  1. Not a great week for Texas.

  2. Someone with a degree in the sciences, you say?? How specific and technical!! Who is this genius who incorrectly quoted the title of arguably one of Shakespeare’s most famous plays??? Give them the Nobel Prize in everything STAT.

  3. Poor jumbo jet theorist. Probably told all his friends to watch him on the news just to see them completely trash his theory.

  4. This is obviously God’s way of punishing Texas for giving Paula Deen a standing ovation.

  5. Don’t worry guys, she spoke to someone with a degree of sciences, so it’s fine.

  6. No way in heck am I watching this video. But in related news, here is the really beautiful spiderweb that wa soutside my door this morning (don’t worry, its inhabitant can’t be seen):

    Spiders! So awful! So talented!

    (The crystal prism thing keeps flies away. I’m not a witch. Or worse, a hippie.)

    • I thought the spider had woven (is that the right form? weaved?) the crystal onto her web on her own! Also, I’m very jealous of your yard. Go run around it with your arms in the air and your lungs full of fresh air for me.

  7. Thank god we got to the bottom of that.

  8. Here are some notes that I think my broadcast journalism professors would’ve given this journalist:

    1. You have no supers identifying ANYONE.
    2. Terrible framing on the zoo guy AND you allowed him to wear his hat therefore causing a GIANT SHADOW to cover his face.
    3. Improper and insufficient attribution (degree in the sciences?)
    4.No real standup to speak of at all, except a shot of you looking confused about the web?
    5.There’s actually a pretty well-known word for spider phobia. It’s the name of a movie.
    6. BABY spiders don’t procreate. ADULT spiders are the ones procreating, making the baby spiders.
    7. It’s “much ADO about NOTHING.”

    GRADE: C-
    At least everything was in focus and white balanced. Next time, come to my office hours so we can go over your script before you turn it in.

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