“You have no idea how hard it is to find a decent guy to date. Seriously. For example, the last guy I dated slept on the floor of his bedroom. Not because he couldn’t afford a bed, mind you — because he ‘wanted to be closer to the earth.’ What?! Dude, you live in an apartment building! Before that, the guy I dated maintained MULTIPLE parody Twitter accounts. Very few of them were still relevant. It’s fucking tough out there, man. So please — I know that my boyfriend has fashioned his beard into a disgusting bowl shape from which he, in this video, eats ramen noodles, and I know he doesn’t seem like the best guy, but, I promise, he’s a fine guy. We listen to the same kind of music, more or less. He has a bed. He buys me dinner sometimes. He’s made me laugh. I know he’s not the greatest and I’m not going to, like, marry him or whatever — I mean, probably I won’t, no one really knows what the future holds — but it’s nice to have someone to hang out with, you know? He’s fine. He’s definitely fine. You just have to trust me on this one. It’s seriously really hard to find someone.” – You


AHHHH! I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY TOGETHER, AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (Via DailyPicks.)

Comments (47)
  1. GROSS GROSS GROSS. I mean, you do you, beard man, but no.

  2. Just popping in to say that I got really busy at work, then went on a long (and well deserved) vacation; then came back to work and was super busy all over again. So I haven’t been posting, but I miss you guys. And also this guy? Vom!

  3. This guy is going to propose to his girlfriend by making her drink champagne out of his beard and the ring will be at the bottom.

  4. It’s like Ice Cream Baby but worse.

  5. Ugh that beard must smell like sweat and sriracha sauce. I wouldn’t let that thing near my face.

  6. You know what really upsets me? This jerk can braid his beard better than I can my hair. Damn it!

  7. NOOOOOPE! is right.

  8. Look what I just found…

  9. He’s totally handsome if he cut off that pigeon nest around his neck. So sorry handsome but…

  10. This just looks like concept art for a new Garbage Pail Kid.

    • Or some nasty, hipster take on African body modification.

      • I get it! He’s supposed to be the opposite of a fertility statue!

        • It just makes a woman’s ovaries shrivel up like little raisins, and the eggs fall out of her and onto the floor and then roll out the door in an attempt to escape this disgusting man’s seed? Is that the message we’re supposed to get from this?

          I mean I know he’s a living person probably with feelings and stuff and not actually a disgusting statue meant as primitive birth control, but god damn, dude, seriously do not do that to your beard it is a monstrous turn-off.

  11. Flambé! Flambé!

  12. NO NO NO

    NO

    NO

    noooooooooo

  13. But Ladieeeesss, 136K+ youtube hiiiiiits. We know you can’t resist that adsense $$$
    -r i ch y o utube$in gles.biz

  14. This is negatively effecting my hangover

  15. Olga Scherbina  |   Posted on Sep 26th, 2013 0

    Yuuk!

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