Because we all have Twitter, our generation’s The Newspaper, I’m going to assume that most of us are caught up with Senator Ted “We Need 100 More Like Jesse Helms” Cruz’s non-filibuster on the floor of the Senate that began yesterday afternoon. Though it would have no effect on delaying the vote (the vote to fund the government and, with it, Obamacare) he stood and compared Obamacare to Nazi Germany, compared the fight against Obamacare to American Revolution, the Civil War, the Cold War and the moon landing, and quoted Duck Dynasty, (“Jeff said ‘Faith, family and facial hair,’ I point out to the junior senator from Utah, if we continue doing this long enough, we may have facial hair on the floor of the Senate.”) (AHHHHHHHH!) in what will amount to a very long speech. Haha, cool! Great speech! I’ve always loved a good 19-hour speech from an awful lunatic spoken in front of people who overwhelmingly disagree with him. He also spent some time reading Green Eggs and Ham, immediately recognized by everyone else as perhaps not the best choice of children’s book to read while fake-filibustering Obamacare. Want to watch his stupid face while he reads it? You can! But, because this is still America, no matter WHAT Barack Hussein Obama wants, you have a choice: you can either watch his stupid, enraging face reading Green Eggs and Ham OR you can watch a child eating ice cream for the first time. It’s up to you. The choice is yours! QUICK, WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

Option 1. Ted Cruz reading Green Eggs and Ham:

Option 2: Baby eating ice cream for the first time:

I hope you chose correctly! Have a nice day!

Comments (37)
  1. I prefer this guy’s first visit to the dog park: *

    *pic too big to post here.

  2. Let’s put him and Wendy Davis in a room to bother each other and let all of the other politicians get on with their jobs.

  3. I’d like to applaud Senator Cruz for turning to the wisdom of a medical professional to shed light on this debate.

  4. Better choice: Facetaquito’s breakfast this morning, in which he and I argued over whether or not he had to take normal-sized bites, and he informed me “I like big bites,” to which I replied “and you cannot lie?” He and I agreed that this was the funniest thing ever.

    But there’s no video of that, so I guess watch that other stupid baby or whatever.

  5. Thanks for giving us a CHOICE, Kelly…UNLIKE OBAMACARE #StandWithCruz #MakeDCListen

  6. Nothing says “Not being able to wake up at work because it’s starting to get cold and everything in the world sucks” like Ted Cruz’s idiot face!

  7. I hope the vote comes on Wednesday and Ted Cruz decides he doesn’t want to stop talking and then he starts screaming and crying and flopping on the ground and two large security guards have to pull him out of the room like a toddler having a tantrum at church. Because that is basically what’s going on here.

  8. The talk of ham led me to read about red-eye gravy, which just led me to read about gravy in general, and holy moly, you guys, did you know that gravy can cause cancer?! What a piece of shit today is!

  9. I will not watch Cruz on VGum
    I will not watch Cruz because he’s dumb.
    I will not watch Cruz on a train.
    I will not watch Cruz. He’s insane.
    I will not watch Cruz in a box.
    I definitely will not watch Cruz on Fox!
    I will not watch Cruz here or there.
    I will not watch Cruz anywhere.
    I do not like Ted Cruz, a-doy!
    I will not watch Cruz, Kelly Conaboy!

  10. As developments continue to occur over the course of what is being referred to as a “semi-filibuster” by Senator Ted Cruz, it appears that popular children’s book Green Eggs and Ham is being read in what some might say is a peculiar setting.

  11. Given the choice between the two babies, I picked the one eating ice cream.

  12. My pseudo-nephew has fun when this book is read to him. He just answers yes to every instance of being asked if he’d eat green eggs and ham.

  13. AWWWW SO CUTE! (Cruz, not the baby)

  14. can someone explain to me why that woman in texas who was filibustering couldnt stray off topic once or she would be ejected and this idiot can filibuster for something that essentially is a campaign move and read fucking dr. seuss????

  15. Hop on Pop(ular political bandwagons to bolster your public image)

  16. Ghostchannels, we could pretend to explain this in a rational way, or we could just admit that this guy has chosen to make a mockery of the system because HE IS ACTUALLY AGAINST THE WHOLE SYSTEM. This isn’t what the Constitution or democracy is about. I am sad for my country

  17. I always choose ice cream babies, no thought required.

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