After spending fourteen hours, give or take, watching celebrities fumble the introductions of other celebrities, sad tributes to people who died and not-so-sad tributes to people who died who weren’t important enough for a sad tribute, awards being given out to not even the correct strangers, and awful, oh, god, just terrible bits, it’s important to try to remember some of the enjoyable things. It ended, right? We’re not still watching it! That is a major plus. We didn’t die during it (fingers crossed), so the Emmys won’t be the last thing we see. That’s a good thing to remember. Oh, Breaking Bad won for Outstanding Drama! That was nice! And remember when Tony Hale won? That was great. Remember SHEMAR MOORE? Probably my favorite moment of the night was when the Emmys came back from commercial and Shemar Moore said, “Well, it’s me again.” Hahaha. Shemar! Who are you?! SHEMAR 4 EMMYS 2014! Shemar 4 Emmys 2013, go back and have him host this one over again and win all of the awards! I have to admit that I did watch Breaking Bad when it was on during the second hour of the Emmys, but I would check back during commercial Breaking Breaks. The first time I checked back Anna Gunn had won, which was great. SHE NEEDS THE WIN, LOL. The second time I checked back Aaron Paul and Jonathan Banks had lost, which was nuts. The third time I checked back I think the country singer lady was singing a Beatles song, which was confusing, and then after Breaking Bad ended and I checked back in for good THIS was happening:


YUCK. SOME SHOWS GOOD, OTHER SHOWS MEGA YUCK. This was very confusing for me, when I returned. I didn’t know that choreography was a category, so I thought they were just giving a meaningless award to whoever choreographed the best bit? Whatever. And, as it turns out, Walt didn’t win his award, either?! And Jeff Daniels won instead, for The Newsroom?!?!?! Come on, Emmys. I know you generally have to be wrong, but do you have to be the most wrong? Chill out! Here is the full list of winners:

OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES
Breaking Bad

OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES
Modern Family

OUTSTANDING MOVIE OR MINISERIES
Behind The Candelabra

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Michael Douglas as Liberace, Behind The Candelabra

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Ellen Burstyn as Margaret Barrish Worthington, Political Animals

OUTSTANDING DIRECTING, MINI-SERIES OR TV MOVIE
Steven Soderbergh, Behind The Candelabra

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
James Cromwell as Dr. Arthur Arden, American Horror Story: Asylum

OUTSTANDING WRITING, MINI-SERIES OR TV MOVIE
Abi Morgan, The Hour

OUTSTANDING VARIETY SERIES
The Colbert Report

OUTSTANDING CHOREOGRAPHY
Derek Hough, Dancing With The Stars

OUTSTANDING DIRECTING, VARIETY SERIES
Don Roy King, Saturday Night Live

OUTSTANDING WRITING, VARIETY SERIES
The Colbert Report

OUTSTANDING DIRECTING, DRAMA SERIES
David Fincher, House of Cards

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Claire Danes as Carrie Mathison, Homeland

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Jeff Daniels as Will McAvoy, The Newsroom

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Bobby Cannavale as Gyp Rosetti, Boardwalk Empire

OUTSTANDING REALITY COMPETITION
The Voice

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Anna Gunn as Skyler White, Breaking Bad

OUTSTANDING WRITING, DRAMA SERIES
Henry Bromell, Homeland, “Q&A”

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Laura Linney as Cathy Jamison, The Big C: Hereafter

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

OUTSTANDING DIRECTING, COMEDY SERIES
Gail Mancuso, Modern Family, “Arrested”

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Selina Meyer, Veep

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Tony Hale as Gary Walsh, Veep

OUTSTANDING WRITING, COMEDY SERIES
Tina Fey and Tracey Wigfield, 30 Rock, “Last Lunch”

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Merritt Wever as Zoey Barkow, Nurse Jackie

Comments (63)
  1. I made it two monologue jokes in before the channel had to be changed. In my perfect Emmys world, Behind The Candelabra sweeps every category and the show is just a one second shot of Steven Soderbergh’s empty seat in the crowd.

  2. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  3. I’m forming a Jane Campion’s Revenge riot party to the left, if anyone’s interested. (I mean, how even does Elizabeth Moss not win something for Top of the Lake.)

  4. ANNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

    That’s all.

  5. Anna Gunn? More like Tim Gunn…cause she is making it WORK.

  6. I really don’t get the Jim Parsons love. I mean, this is like his bajillionth emmy, right? What is even the point?

  7. I love award shows even when they are long and boring and stupid but I just could not even with this one. It was so weird! And so poorly planned that I almost think the person in charge was just trolling!

    • It was really strange. Like the dance thing. I would accept a stupid dance thing, whatever, but then to add on top of it like a fake reality show surprise for the nominees with a whole “getting ready” package, how could that seem useful to anybody?

  8. So this was pretty much me at a certain point last night:

    I tune in for your major awards shows, but this was so painful that I just had to abandon ship.

  9. I don’t watch awards shows, but I did watch Breaking Bad last night. #NoRegrets

  10. The top story of the 2013 Emmy Awards is that Jeff Daniels won an Emmy for his work in The Newsroom, a show that this journalist finds confusing. Given the fact that it covers stories from two years ago, I must say that it is a rather uninformative source of news.

  11. I really enjoyed the first hour because I started watching last week’s breaking bad and that was TOO PAINFUL. The Emmy’s didn’t have Aaron Paul (SPOILER ALERT) being kept as a meth slave by nazis (END SPOILER ALERT) so that was nice. Much less traumatizing and heartbreaking! Just boring and of irritating!

  12. I forgot the Emmys were on and watched old episodes of Poirot and Miss Marple on YouTube. I feel good about my choices.

  13. Why Modern Family always wins best comedy series: to remind us that our lives are meaningless and we are all going to die.

  14. Didn’t watch because I have a friend visiting from out of town and we went out to dinner last night. I’m really glad he’s here.

  15. I wanted 30 Rock to win more emmys. Best Comedy series, Jane Krakowski, Tina Fey…the writing emmy was nice, though.

  16. Oh good. Best Director awards went to famous film directors, not, for example, Michelle Maclaren, who is the best director in TV right now.

  17. The fact that more people seemed to care about Breaking Bad last night than the Emmys gives me hope that one day nobody will care about these dumb awards shows.

  18. I was able to keep up with the whole show, because during the second hour a huge fucking bug showed up in the room I was watching. I spent the next hour-and-a-half embroiled in a battle trying to terminate the bug. I finally got it around Shemar Moore’s fifteenth backstage update.

  19. I forgot to watch this crap.

  20. I FINALLY FOUND THE GIF

  21. Bobby Canavale! Jeff Daniels! Jim Parsons! How did all of the male acting categories go so wrong after they got it so right with Tony Hale?

  22. So I clearly have a soft spot for Scott Bakula and the entire time Candelabra kept winning I just felt sorrier and sorrier for him. Sure, he didn’t win – ok fine. (side note – can someone explain to me how a SEASON of a TV show is a Miniseries and not a show?!)

    But then anytime someone DID win, they would pan to Scott many rows behind Michael and Matt. And then people would thank everyone and they’d go ‘and of course thanks to Matt and Michael’ and they’d cut to Scott again – no love! Poor guy. I wanted him to jump up and go ‘I was in this too!!’ Now clearly his role was not much compared to Michael / Matt but then stop showing him in the audience as people are thanking everyone else involved in the production.

    But seriously, can SOMEONE explain how American Horror Show is not a TV show but rather a miniseries? I know the Wiki says they consider each season to be a miniseries but I mean – that seems like cheating?!

  23. I’m actually watching it right now because I DVR’d it (I had a thing I had to do last night so I missed this, BB, and the Dexter finale which I’m actually 2 shows behind on because I’m so bored with it but I have to see how it ends) and my favorite part so far has been Bob Newhart.

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