Listen, I know it’s kind of a convoluted party game. What, did you think I typed all of that into the title and thought, “Oh yeah, this makes sense and is fun and easy to understand”? No way, dude. We are on the same page. But sometimes party games are hard, and maybe the hard ones just make you appreciate when the the easier ones come around a little more? Maybe. We’ve gotten a good amount of big spin-off news this week, none of which makes me (I would never speak for you) particularly happy. So I thought, “What spin-off would make me happy?” And I thought, “No spin-offs, none.” And then I thought, “Well, what spin-off would I definitely watch and would secretly make me happy?” And then I thought, “Ohhh, lots!” So here we go, I’ll go first!

  • Rory Gilmore Baracks The Vote: The story of Rory Gilmore as she covers the Barack Obama campaign trail (which is what she left to do at the end of the series) (you remember).
  • 30s Girl: Dan is in his 30s and is still writing Gossip Girl.
  • Not Jesse Pinkman: Aaron Paul is an entirely new character, and the show is about him at his new job, but sometimes there are hints at his dark, meth dealer past. It is mostly just Aaron Paul wearing nice suits, though. I guess it’s kind of like Mad Men.
  • Jared’s Young Adult Nation: Just about Jared from Kid Nation‘s life now.

Now it’s your turn! What would you watch? All of my shows, yes, but what else? (Image via Shutterstock.)

Comments (81)
  1. In The Nick Of Time: Nick Miller goes from being a bartender to owning a watch store

  2. The Farm, staring Dwight Schrute.

  3. Did I Brew That?: Steve Urkel moves to Seattle and opens a coffee shop where he dispenses his patented brand of nerdy wisdom to a loyal–but neurotic–cast of regulars.

  4. Lost, Again: Someone (maybe Sawyer?) gets lost again.

  5. Piz trying to make it in New York City as a Pitchfork intern

    jplay, probably a deadwood spinoff following one of the characters that picks up immediately after season 3 but we also check up on all the other characters too

  6. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them! (I know this is kind of a cheat, but I will totally see it. Because I am a completist.)

  7. Keeping Up with the Catalanos

  8. From Paris, With Love: Paris from Gilmore Girls becomes an advice columnist.

  9. This is not exactly playing the game right, but sometimes I like to pretend Archer all takes place in the mind of Ben Katz, and that each character is actually someone from Dr. Katz: Lana is Lara, Woodhouse is Dr. Katz, etc.

  10. Out of the Dome: The story of the people who were stuck at the Chester’s Mill Denny’s.

  11. Hot Pocket Hurl(ey): Hurley from Lost throws Hot Pockets at people.

  12. I killed Laura Palmer: Bob’s quirky adventures. Eww.

  13. Niles from Home: Niles and Daphne decide to move to England, and hilarity ensues!

  14. Story Hour With Davos Seaworth

  15. Purple is the new Orange is the new Black: Piper gets out of jail but now has to dress up like Barney in TImes Square

  16. Empty House: Find out what happens when the Tanner children all leave for college, Uncle Jesse moves to LA, and Joey is finally arrested!

  17. Baby-Sitters Club: Stoneybrook Moms. The gals from the BSC are all grown up with kids of their own and sometime they wish they were just baby-sitters again and could give their kids back at the end of the night, AMIRITE??? Also, Kristy is a lesbian.

  18. Better Call Aaron Paul: Basically, Aaron Paul says “Yea, bitch!” and “Science, bitch!” a lot in this reality show about his life.

  19. Bonez: Temperance Brennan gets tired of dealing with bones, and starts a hip-hop club.

  20. The Bachelorette: Paris

    • Paris Geller is The Bachelorette after med school and verbally castrates every single suitor until Kirk shows up and three of my Gilmore Girls dreams come true.

  21. On the Fence: in an effort to cure the rare and crippling social anxiety disorder that forces him to conceal the lower half of his face at all times, America’s neighbor Wilson moves in with his primal scream therapist Alyona. Sparks fly when she reveals her secret fetish for shapeless sun hats.

  22. Dharmies! A buddy comedy with Miles and Hurley, smoking weed with the Dharma Initiative and talking string theory with Faraday. Sawyer is their landlord and everyone makes the “wooooohhhhh” noise when Juliette stops over.

    • p.s. Jack never got to the 1970s, he died on the plane because of a bad olive and also poison. Kate is stuck with Smoke Locke in the dumb present. Lapidus shows up at the Dharma Initiative through the Ajira flight and becomes the Dharma Initiative’s Issac and makes cocktails and quips all the time. Sometimes you see Bernard and Rose and Vincent in the far background, just enjoying their lives on the beach.

  23. Force Ghost World: Mainly revolves around Obi-Wan and Yoda trying to stop that mischievous scamp Anakin from being such a Force Poltergeist all the time.

    Actually, I wouldn’t watch this.

  24. “EER: Extra Emergency Room” – the travails of the medical staff in an emergency room immediately adjacent to the one in “ER.”

  25. BMO Money, BMO Problems: B-Mo wins the lottery and becomes the richest resident in the land of Oooo.

    *I would not be embarrassed to watch this.

  26. I just realized this “Best New Party Game” is basically Kelly tricking us into writing fanfic.

  27. “Paris and Emily Go to Town” – just a show where Paris Gellar and Emily Gilmore go out drinking and talk so much shit about everyone and everything they see and give people a lot of withering glances.

  28. Storybrooke: After Hours.

    Rumple and Lacey beat people up (usually just the bad ones from fairy tale land) with tire irons for sexual kicks. The cute sheriff comes back but mostly for the Evil Queen’s needs and/or Emma, who is dating the Mad Hatter on the sly. Pinocchio never becomes a real boy and is still played by that cute actor and gambles a lot with Bae. Ruby tends bar at the shithole bar that Lacey hustles pool at during the day.

    • Can you please write for Once Upon a Time?

      • My friend runs the show’s site and I used to write for back in the day and I *did* volunteer to help bc that friend got the back 8 of Zero Hour aired for me over the summer (literally me, as he claims no one else watched)… So I will try. The treatment needs more evil D.A. Whitmore, though.

        Fall goal: write for OUAT’s website and be an extra on Grimm.

        p.s. my friend said the first 5 eps are REALLY good. Apparently, it gets dark and weird fast.

        • Sorry, that sounded super vain and braggy. I’m old and I used to be in that world. I’m out now and for solid reasons. But I actually have pitched this to my friend who runs the site — volunteer because I’m pretty sure that’s the only way it would happen.

          Hollywood pays terribly and making jokes on this site/building corporate B2B whatnots is actually more satisfying. I’ve only been able to start watching shows I like and not think of the ratings and how they will affect my employment in the past year or so… and I’VE BEEN OUT FOR A LONG TIME.

  29. “Barney Miller’s Crossing” It’s never too late–Barney and Company travel back in time to the ’30s, and Wojo spends half of each episode trying to figure out why the Inspector, now played by Jon Polito, keeps going on and on about being given “the High Hat”.

  30. Diane…

    Dale Cooper drives across the country, solving mysteries from small town to small town, Jessica-Fletcher-style.

  31. “Hollywood Harry Crane”: Set in 1970s Los Angeles, Harry Crane rises through swingin’ LA as an ad man but slowly gets pulled into moonlighting as a PI. Pete Campbell joins in season 2 as his partner and the two go on to solve all of Hollywood’s unsolved mysteries.

  32. Blairvoyant: a procedural in which Blair discovers she has psychic powers and leaves her life of luxury behind to track down criminals. The huge twist at the end is that Cyrus is the world’s most dangerous serial killer.

  33. “You’ve Got Lemon, Make Lemonade” which is about Liz Lemon but is basically just more 30 Rock.

  34. That prequel to The Sopranos that was a sketch on SNL where Kate McKinnon was a perfect Carmela Soprano

  35. Fisher & Sons. Nathaniel Fisher Sr tries his best to balance running a funeral home and caring for his young children and wife.

    (I would genuinely watch this one all day long.)

  36. The passengers and crew of the SS Minnow finally make it back to civilization, but now Gilligan’s bumbling thwarts all their attempts to leave Rhode Island. Yes, it’s Gilligan’s Rhode Island.

    • Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
      a tale of the Ocean State.
      The crew set sail for ol’ New York,
      but couldn’t navigate.

      The state had the smallest area
      of all the colonies,
      and the crew was ill equipped to work
      its jewelry industry.

      And the weather there could get quite rough,
      and the cities wern’t well-planned.
      But the ship and its crew all came to love
      the island on the land.

      The island on the land.

    • I watched an ep of Gilligan’s Island yesterday for the first time since childhood. Lots of LOLs, but the Skipper is kind of a dick!

  37. CatSuits: Louis from Suits hangs out with cats and is generally just super great.

    • Best Suited: a “What Not to Wear” show in which the wardrobe and hair people from Suits give me (and others… I guess) a makeover and enough clothes to last 5-6 years, including flattering jeans and pjs and shoes and accessories.

  38. Oops… I didn’t understand the assignment. I would watch all of these shows and not be embarrassed AT ALL.

  39. I just want to see that Jared show. Jared!

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