Back in January, we spoke a little bit about Mars One, a non-profit that planned to hold a “televised global selection process” for anyone over 18 who wanted to go to Mars, help set up a colony, and NEVER RETURN TO EARTH. “Who would even sign up to try to be one of those people?” you’re probably wondering. “That sounds like the beginning of a horrifying space death movie, or a very exciting nightmare.” Nobody, right? Probably nobody? From Salon:

Five months after the Netherlands-based private spaceflight project Mars One announced it would begin accepting applications for a one-way trip to the red planet, 202,586 people from more than 140 countries have submitted videos explaining why they should be chosen for the mission.

The first of four selection rounds ended August 31. Now, the Mars One selection committee will spend the next several months narrowing down the applicants. There are even plans to launch a reality TV show to choose the final candidates. The goal is for 24 to 40 people to begin a seven-year training program in 2015. Then, working with the private space flight company SpaceX, Mars One hopes to send the prospective Martian settlers to the red planet in teams of four, beginning in 2023.

202,586 people?! IS EVERYONE OKAY OUT THERE?! “All I need are my Elliott Smith records, some whiskey, and my backpack, and I’m ready for forever Mars. I’m SURE no one will miss me.” Please think this through, you 202,586. What if there are aliens up there? Mean ones?! Though, what if you get up there and you find your soulmate? That would be pretty nice. Nothing to do but drink space wine, build a colony, and talk about life and what you left behind. Trapped together with your soulmate on Mars forever. It will be like if Laura Prepon and Piper’s relationship was less complicated. Aw. Maybe you should go. (JUST KIDDING, PLEASE DON’T GO!)

Comments (11)
  1. Can we volunteer people we’d like to send to Mars?

  2. “What if there are aliens up there? Mean ones?!”

    Ha, no Kelly. It’s just us men. That’s where we’re from.

  3. I just don’t grok this.

  4. We may want to make some puns about this, but we martian’t.

  5. PROS: they will be famous on a garbage planet they will never have to return to.
    CONS: they will have to compete in Double Dare-style physical challenges for oxygen and water.

  6. It’s pretty clear that this is a plot by the leaders of the New World Order to sneak NWO royalty off to their Mars colony right before destroying the earth. the rise of reality TV has just been the slow, frog-in-a-pot-of-water prep work for making us all complacent about the idea that we all are “selecting” these people. Either that, or it’s all been a secret plot to make me love Kelly’s perfect inset image selection skills. That damn bachelor alien is perfect.

  7. Yea, but how many of those people would actually go, and aren’t just in this for shits and giggles (and possibly space-training)? Can you FORCE people to go to Mars? Is there like legal precedent for that?

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