As we all know, summer has just ended and we are in the fast lane speeding towards frigid temperatures, coats that aren’t ever warm enough, runny noses that you don’t even noice, and piles and piles of snow. Do not let the remaining 85 degree weather and promise of fall trick you: WINTER IS ON ITS WAY. And it is never too early to start going over our Winter Safety Rules:
- Rule #1: Walk very, very slowly and only on your tiptoes in case there’s any ice around.
- Rule #2: Bring salt to sprinkle ahead of you and wait a few moments between steps (in case of ice).
- Rule #3: Wear warm shoes with grippies.
- Rule #4: Don’t step in snow.
- Rule #5: DON’T JUMP INTO A SNOW PILE FROM A ROOF OR WHATEVER, YOU LUNATIC! WHAT, IS THIS A PRANK?! IS THIS SOME SORT OF PRANK VIDEO?! BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE DEAD! HOW DARE YOU JUMP INTO A PILE OF SNOW AS IF THAT IS A THING YOU CAN DO AND SURVIVE! HOW DARE YOU! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU TO NOT JUMP OFF OF THAT ROOF INTO THAT PILE OF SNOW! (ANTM REFERENCE.) HOW DARE YOU! LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS! NEVER JUMP INTO SNOW FROM SUCH A HIGH DISTANCE! NEVER JUMP INTO SNOW FROM GROUND-LEVEL, EITHER! WHAT IF THERE’S A FIRE HYDRANT UNDERNEATH! DO! NOT! DO!
- Rule #6: Staple your gloves to your coat!