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Kids have taken over the news today! THE NEWS GOT SLIMED. Look at this story about some kid, it’s great! From the AP:

SALT LAKE CITY – When he realized he’d been separated from his family on a weekend hike in a northern Utah forest, 9-year-old Grayson Wynne’s thoughts turned to television. Grayson watches “Man vs. Wild” on the Discovery Channel every week with his brothers and his dad. On the show, host and adventurer Bear Grylls strands himself in the wilderness and then shows viewers how to survive the sticky situations.

That’s where Grayson says he learned to leave clues behind to help searchers find him.

Smart. This kid is smarter at survival than the mouse in Nathan Lane’s Mousehunt. And that mouse was very smart! I think! I didn’t actually see that movie! Because I am an adult!

More about this little boy’s heroic recreation of stuff he seen on TV after the jump.

On Saturday, when he was scared and alone in the Ashley National Forest, Grayson started tearing up his yellow rain slicker, despite the intermittent downpours, and tying pieces to trees.

“I just used my hands,” said Grayson, who was found safe Sunday after spending 18 hours lost in the forest. “I don’t know how many times I tore the thing but quite a lot.”

Grayson was among a party of about 15 family members that left Saturday from the Spirit Lake trailhead in Daggett County. The group stopped to tighten a saddle on a horse at some point, said Grayson’s dad, Kynan Wynne. But Grayson didn’t realize it and went ahead of the pack before diverting onto a smaller trail in the thick forest.

Although Kynan Wynne was concerned for his son’s safety, he was also confident in the boy’s resilience.

“Somewhere he got the idea that for multiple reasons, not just for people to find you, but to retrace your steps if you have to, to leave a trail,” Kynan Wynne said. [Ed. note: huh? For what-iple reasons?]

Grayson created a small shelter overnight under a fallen tree. The next day, he decided to follow a creek in hopes of finding help.

“I (thought I) might find the lake, that there might be somebody at the lake,” he said.

Grayson, who will start fourth grade in the fall, also left a couple of clues for searchers that he didn’t mean to.

He dropped a granola bar wrapper about 300 yards off the main trail. Searchers also found a small footprint and a backpack about 400 yards from the wrapper.

“I was just being pretty stupid that I dropped the backpack,” Grayson said. “I was just panicking too much.” [Ed. note: what a dummy!]

When Grayson heard a helicopter overhead, he ran into a meadow and waved the last piece of his jacket. But two searchers on horseback saw him first. [Ed. note: get out of here helicopter! No one needs you!]

Hmmm. He apparently didn’t take Bear Grylls’s lesson to heart that “sometimes you have to squeeze water out of a pile of elephant dung into your mouth.” Hahaha, that would have been great. Like, his family rescues him and he just has elephant shit smeared all over his face and no one even knows where he got it. He’s just covered in blood and he’s made snowshoes out of a tiger and he’s sitting in a cave trying to filter his own urine through a banana leaf that, again, no one even knows because banana leaves are not indigenous to the region.

This kid should have his own show, though. It would be called Survivor Kid, and every week he would be forced to fend for his life with nothing but a bowie knife, a rain slicker, a Tamagotchi, and a copy of Superfudge.

Comments (19)
  1. Oh what I would give for a Tamagotchi and a copy of Superfudge

  2. They probably could have used his help tightening the horse’s saddle, inconsiderate of him to walk off like that; everyone knows that saddle tightening is a task that preoccupies at least 14 other people for enough time to LOSE THEIR FREAKING CHILD! (nice try Kynan)

  3. That kid is gonna get so many handjobs when hes older.

  4. Perfect timing on the hand job joke simonsays.

  5. I MADE MY FAMILY DISAPPEAR!!!!

  6. I’m really happy they found this kid. Can you imagine how terrible we’d all feel if he did all this stuff, his family found all these clues, and they all led to his dead body? Jesus. That’s a sad short story right there. Not to get too serious on y’all, but. Just saying.

  7. despite this being an amazing story and whatever and so forth, it’s the picture of the kool-aid stained child photo-bombing Bear Grllys that really made the day.

    • If by Kool-Aid, you mean the blood of a drifter he encountered along the trail, then yes, that picture makes everyone’s day.

  8. “When he realized he’d been separated from his family on a weekend hike in a northern Utah forest, 9-year-old Grayson Wynne’s thoughts turned to television.”

    I feel so old. Way back when I got lost in the woods, I started looking for pic-a-nic baskets and a ranger to taunt.

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  10. jach  |   Posted on Jun 23rd, 2009 +7

    “I don’t know how many times I tore the thing but quite a lot.” somehow doesn’t seem like the syntax of a nine year old.

    my guess: bear was lost in a suburb and had to disguise himself as a 9 year old by skinning a 9 year old and wearing him into the wilderness.

  11. “He’s just covered in blood and he’s made snowshoes out of a tiger and he’s sitting in a cave trying to filter his own urine through a banana leaf that, again, no one even knows because banana leaves are not indigenous to the region.” Thunderous applause for this sentence…I’m still laughing.

  12. pfft, when i was a kid, this nonsense was called “walking to school”. Except we did it in winter! Uphill both ways! And we liked it!

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