Unless you woke up this morning in the body of a disgusting bug, or you’re something like a Planet of the Apes ape that likes trampoline accidents and has access to a computer, you are a human being. You deserve respect, and you deserve to make your own choices. (The Planet of the Apes ape also deserves respect.) Some other blogs will just pick out a video, throw it right in your damn face, and tell you to watch it — but not this blog. Not today. Every other day, yes, but not today. Today you have a choice: Would you like to start your morning with an advertisement from Hugo Boss featuring Gwyneth Paltrow in a crisp white suit, talking about doing yoga and exercising to work off the bread and cheese she likes to include in her life, as if just not particularly feeling like taking a luxurious amount of time to balance your other luxuries is the reason why people don’t do yoga every day OR would you like to start your morning with a building being demolished? THE POWER OF CHOICE IS IN YOUR HANDS!



Only you know what the right choice is for you, and I hope you made it. Good morning. (Gwyneth via Celebitchy, building via i09.)

Comments (32)
  1. Both videos featured yoga. The building is just really bad at yoga.

  2. Also I thought “Perfectly Put Together Moment” was Kelly being rightfully sarcastic, but whoops Gwyneth Paltrow is a perfectly put together parody of herself.

  3. I guess we can’t have both? Like the Paltrow first but then the building sort of coming down on top of her?

  4. She should do plastic surgery in moderation! What’s with her face? She has serious lizard face in this ad!

    Also, is this a James Franco thing? Like, has she figured out how ridiculous she is and now she’s just trying to be the most ridiculous? Because if so, it’s a little on-the-nose for me. White suit? check. yoga? check. straight hair? check. lizard face? check. phrase “perfectly put together moment” used unironically? check.

  5. Watching the first video makes me want to smash things, so these videos are complementary. Well chosen, Kelly.

  6. I picked the Gwyneth video first because it was on the top then wanted to jump off a roof halfway through so I played the implosion video over both with the sound up. It sounded like she was imploding and people were commenting on her implosion.

  7. We used to have a kid video called “We Make it go Boom” beloved by my boys. It was just a half hour or so of stuff blowing up. Nothing like a good implosion.

  8. Reviving a vintage Blingee:

  9. I looked away for a second and the building was already down! I missed the good stuff. And yet the Gwyneth video was unending!

  10. It’s always nice to know that when the blog feels a little under-attended, a Paltrow Post will bring us all back together. It’s like the meat loaf on a Sunday night when the family is all back together before the workweek.

  11. I watched both because I’m terrible at choosing! Also, I got the “you’re hired” from two places today and I am hiding and pretending I didn’t get the messages because they are both great jobs and I don’t know who to choose! WHY CAN’T I HAVE EVERYTHING?? My life is for sure too, too difficult.

  12. The thing is, what she’s saying isn’t wrong. It is important to stay active and enjoy good things in life. But why’s she gotta be so insufferable while she does it?

  13. This video combination works best if you imagine it as two halves of a whole: the explosives go off as soon as the first video ends and Gwyneth’s balcony goes sliding into ruin with her on it, in spite of all her years of yoga and kelp and whatever the hell else. A meditation on the inevitability of death and the impermanence of all things. Aum.

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