I can only speak for where I live, as I am not a weatherman plus I don’t know who is reading this or where you live, my apologies if you were expecting a list of the weather in all of your locations and how I felt about each specific one, though, I haven’t even gotten to the part where I reveal that I am going to talk about the weather, so who even knows what I’m about to say?, but: IT IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE! I hope it’s beautiful where you live, too! Great day over here. Sun is shining, warm but not too hot. Just a dream. But no matter how beautiful your day is, it is safe to say it is not as beautiful as Ms. Kristen Stewart’s — or should I say, Ms. English Maristen StUCLA’s. From the Daily Mirror:

Robert Pattinson’s on/off girlfriend [Ed. Note: Rude.] has enrolled at America’s prestigious UCLA to study English Literature – while carrying on with her film commitments, too.

It means the 23-year-old, who is currently shooting her new war movie Camp X-Ray, is set to become one of the hardest working actresses in Hollywood. [Ed. Note: A bit much.]

A source revealed: “Yes, Kristen’s a Tinseltown actress worth millions but she is already considering a life after film. She never got to complete college and she wants to get a proper education. She is a voracious reader and cannot wait to get going on her correspondence course.”

Wait, her correspondence course? She isn’t going to be sitting in on any of the classes?! But I already had a picture in my head of Kristen Stewart sitting in on her classes, raising her hand, talking to her fellow classmates about the homework, etc.! RUINED! Ugh. Ruined. This day is ruined. Thanks a lot, Kristen Stewart. I hope you enjoy your damn correspondence course. How was your day? Good until a minute ago, I bet?

Comments (175)
  1. I think I want to not work here anymore, but it’s my friends company and I p much run it so it’s really stressful. Life is hard today. But I am going tubing on a river this weekend so that should be fun!

  2. Bad then worse then better. I left the really great job I got because it turned out not to be really great. Then when I was running with Chompsky we came across another trail-goer who had two giant, jumping, barking dogs (Chompsky is terrified of dogs because the dogs at her old house were awful monsters who beat her up all the time), so she was hiding behind me, trying to run away and very clearly upset, and this woman says “Looks like they want to meet a new friend!” and LETS HER DOGS OFF THEIR LEASHES. So they came running for us and Chompsky managed to slip her collar and took off like lightning with no signs of stopping. I ran all the way back to the car and couldn’t find her anywhere so I sat on the hood and cried and yelled “Chompskyyyyy” into the sky like a crazy person for a good hour before she finally came edging down the road, scared shitless. So that was awful. But then when I got home I had a voicemail from a job I had applied to right here in my little village doing business development for pretty decent pay like a block from my house. So I have that interview tomorrow WISH ME LUCK. And I had a pretty good lunch and tomorrow there is a festival in my village, so all in all my day is like a solid B-, which will not get you into grad school but is still pretty good.

    • Good LUCK!!!!

    • I am going to imagine your village is Stars Hollow and you had lunch at Luke’s. Don’t ruin that dream.

    • good luck! and that is great that you finally got a hold of her.

    • Good luck!

    • Good luck! And I’m glad that terrible dog story had a happy ending…irresponsible pet owners are THE WORST.

    • Good luck!!

      Also: figure out what her favorite snack or type of toy is (my dog is toy motivated) so you can lure her back with a loud squeaky toy that you keep in a backpack or someplace she can’t immediately smell or get to so that in case this happens, you can distract her to come back to you. My guy runs away or tries to escape when he thinks I’m leaving for an extended time and having a squeaky toy he only gets to play with as a reward for coming back inside off-leash can be solid motivation until they get too smart and use that toy against you. Cheese and deli snacks work too.

    • Good luck!! And I’m so happy you found her!!

    • Good luck! Poor Chompsky. That lady is an idiot.

    • I cannot believe the dumb ass lady that let her dogs off the leash!!!

      I refuse to let my dog “make friends” in the neighborhood because of this type of shit. She’s not scared of other dogs, but one of our neighbor’s dogs tried to bite her face and another neighbor’s dog was recently attacked by a dog who was luckily wearing a muzzle. Ugh.

      I’m glad your dog came back to you and was safe! If she tends to slip out of her collar, maybe try a harness so you don’t have any other incidents where she runs off.

  3. I’m stressing out about my life today. Trying to decide if I should change professional fields / go to grad school / marry my girlfriend / fuck it just move to Sweden or something and tend bar. What do you guys think? Yes to all of the above?

    • yes! To all of them.

      Are you sure about Sweden? Seems like it’d be cold.

    • You should marry your girlfriend and go to bartender school in Sweden. #lifesolved

    • my vote is fuck it just move to sweden.

    • Ahhh life crisis. You left out an important detail – how old are you?

      • I’ll be 26 in a few weeks. And I’m not really going to tend bar, guys. I would be awful at it. So, so bad.

        But I am seriously considering a change in field and/or going to back to school. And there also really is a part of my brain that’s all, “You are never going to be younger–go have an adventure in another country,” since I’ve never been outside of the U.S. save for stupid Caribbean cruises when I was a kid.

        And, yes, also the girlfriend and the marriage and the “maybe we should just buy a house already,” (really).

        LIFE!

        • Take a vacation somewhere weird or not weird but foreign before you lock yourself down at 26 with a mortgage. Take the girlfriend with you as being somewhere totally new (and foreign at that) will show how you both deal with certain kinds of stresses that will inevitably occur in the very long-term… and you get a neato vacation when you sound financially stable enough to take a risk like buying a house.

          This being said:
          Don’t buy a house with less than 20 percent down, even if they let you — I’m 36 and almost all of my friends went under water (mortgage is worth more than the house and/or they didn’t buy on high land so the house got flooded at some point) doing this at this exact time for very similar reasons. Or they bought in an area with good schools because they wanted kids and realized that their marriages wouldn’t last in boring suburbia with screaming toddlers.

          The market is too unstable to buy a house because you feel like this is what you are supposed to do at this point in your life — unless you are looking in an area on the upswing and have the knowledge and skills to upgrade what you are looking at buying by a significant amount through renovations and work.

          So vacation in Sweden. That is my advice.

          • –whispers– Can you also please tell me what to do with my life? Thank you.

          • Move to Portland, the rest fixes itself.

          • Keep in mind, I’ve lived in 6 cities and moved 10 times since college (half of which we can blame on journalism).
            I am single and I rent… which is either liberating or depressing, depending on your angle. To some friends, I am free and exciting. I started my own business that will (hopefully) launch later this year and I’ve been taking on new work projects for a myriad of new groups. To others, I’m a spinster-nerd armchair-activist hippie who goes out too much and watches too much TV and will never settle down. While no one is technically wrong, my brother is a jerk and forgot my birthday two years in a row… And since I’m in a good mood, I’m erring in favor of my friends and mom and dad and fun aunts/uncles over my square brother and passive-aggressive aunt. Plus I have a dog and my nephew wants a dog, so I am already funner than my brother and the kid met me once.

        • The best advice I can give (since you asked and all…) is to quit worrying about it so much. You’re in a place where you can still change careers or paths and there’s still plenty of time to see the world (now, later, both) with or without the girlfriend before biological clocks and all that garbage. Figure out if you’re feeling restless or impatient or genuinely unhappy. The first two call for something fun in the short term, the third calls for steps to make changes for the long term. Whatever it is, don’t put pressure on yourself to decide or have all the answers any time soon. Also, as for marriage, figure out if this is something you know is inevitable, something you’re getting pressure about from girlfriend, family, external forces, or something that will mix it up (no judgment on any of those but how you proceed is different for all three). That’s my 2 cents, but keep in mind that I’m just a bone-crushing monster truck.

    • For realzies, I would say don’t move but still tend bar for a bit. If it works for you (financially, personally, etc…), don’t disregard super divey establishments. You’ll be busy but still have the downtime you seem to need. Also, you’d be surprised at the insight that folks there have to offer. Use that time to sort through the rest. An elongated change of pace has often helped me to make clearer decisions about big Life Stuff.

      That said, still say fuck it to tonight. Because fuck it.

    • 26 was the worst for me too (30 was a stinker as well, just to warn you) But looking from the perspective of a 32-year-old European…

      No better advice anyone ever gave me than to remember, nothing is ever fixed. It’s not like 50 years ago where you chose a career and that was it, for life. You can always change, and no one will think badly of you.

      If you’re not sure about marrying someone, don’t marry them. But be sure they know it. Because if you do what my ex did, and just shove a piece of paper under the door after years and years together suddenly deciding you want out, no one wins.

      And Sweden isn’t that cold. Or at least, it wasn’t when I was there in May ;) Denmark though, now Denmark was LOVELY. Definitely recommend Denmark.

  4. I am fine. Nothing too exciting today, my boss is gone so I’m not stressed out.

    I have a date tomorrow with someone who is potentially awesome. It’s weird, I can’t tell if I’m resisting things because I am not actually attracted to him or because I am just still hopelessly into my ex.

    I am going to go pick up my comics after work and not think about it.

    • ahhhh! i love picking up comics. i haven’t really been to the comic book store much since i started my job because they are open when i am at work. and then on the weekends i am exhausted and do not want to interact with people because ugh.

      also, good luck on your date. i find the thing to do with exes is try to delete everything that ever reminds you of them or keeps them in your life because that way you can move on.

      • Murder works too.

      • I’m about to dive into Saga #13, so excited. If you were near me I’d go get your comics for you, so you just need to move next door and problem solved.

        I am bad at deleting exes, especially the ones that become good friends. Ah well, this new kid should be a refresher.

        • I had an ex that I was really hung up on for a long time after we broke up and I recently found out via facebook that he is potentially a preacher. Also, there was a dude I dated in high school that I know was hung up on me for a long time, and now he’s got a girlfriend/wife type person with fake boobs and a fake tan and posts pictures of his gun collection all of the time. I guess I should clarify here that I don’t have fake body parts and am fairly liberal and not so churchy so either of these guys would have been horrible matches with me in the long term. They were probably pretty terrible matches at the time but I didn’t really realize it, or they didn’t in the case of gun guy. I guess what i’m trying to say is that you’re probably going to find out some really weird shit about this dude in 5 years and think: “whew, I dodged a bullet there!”

  5. I’ve been on crutches for a week now, and it’s a fascinating study in how shitty most people are (at least in LA). So far I estimate that 2 out of 10 people actually hold the door or elevator for me. I don’t even know exactly what the injury is because the US healthcare system is basically a nightmare Abbott and Costello routine and I can’t get my doctor to give me the results of my x-ray.

    But I’m taking off early today to go to the Dodgers game, and as much as I think it’s a terrible idea to go to Dodger Stadium on crutches, I’m really excited to see a ball game.

    • Holy crap tell me about it! I was on crutches for six weeks last year, and everybody was awful. Like seriously letting doors slam in my face and stuff. I lost a considerable amount of respect for the human race. One dude in Trader Joe’s refused to move even an inch so I could get by him to the register, even after the cashier politely asked him to. He just stared blankly at me. The cashier eventually moved out from behind the counter and I literally had to go sideways around the back side of the register. People here can be monster people.

    • the u.s. healthcare system is awful and one of my least favorite things in the world. i would put it at number three, behind bananas and the u.s. prison system.

    • Oh no…have fun at the game, girl. I hope this all turns around.

    • My coworker told me that when she was 7 months pregnant, she got on the metro train to get to work, and there were 3 guys under the age of 30 sitting in the seats next to the door. All of them pretended to be busy all of a sudden, pretending they didn’t notice the pregnant woman so they wouldn’t have to give up their seats. Shittiness is alive and well on both coasts.

      • A few months ago at jury duty (for the Joe Francis trial of all things) I asked some guys to give up their seats for a woman on crutches, and they just sat there looking at me like I’d asked them to punch a baby or something. If you’re young and healthy, give up your seat!

      • A classmate of mine said that she saw a pregnant woman sit on the subway floor because no one would offer her a seat and she was so tired. One of the few men in the class said it’s the woman’s man’s fault for not calling a car service. Some people.

  6. Per KStew, I actually watched 40 minutes of Snow White & the Huntsman before Breaking Bad on Sunday, and it was shockingly not completely awful. It was just bad! I’ve been riding that just bad wave all week, so good day.

    • I kind of thought the first 10 minutes were great (or however long Charlize Theron was up looking fierce and chewing the scenery) and then the rest went downhill with the dumb plot.

      • “Everyone is in love with this perfectly bland woman with no personality at all, like how is it even possible for a living person to have so little personality, she’s just got the whole world under her spell!”

  7. This is kind of weird, but my day has actually been pretty good? Even though one of my coworkers, for at least the second time the past week, decided to spend her entire lunch break camped out in the ladies’ room for seemingly no reason, like just sitting in a chair and playing with her phone (and the last time this happened she proved that she doesn’t think it’s necessary to leave when it becomes clear that the lady in the stall is having more of an Al Roker than Hugh Jackman moment, if you know what I mean! TMI, I know!).

    But it’s been a pretty good day! Actually it has been mostly the same as every work day except that I wasn’t in an awful mood. Maybe this is stupid, but I think I might just be in a good mood because I wore a cute outfit today after dressing like a scrub for the last few weeks. But whatever works!

    • Also I think I might be officially old now because my cute outfit was built entirely around my new shoes that I got very excited about even though I’m fairly sure that my mom had basically the same ones when I was a kid:

    • i find that a cute outfit can turn a somewhat mundane day into a day that is actually pleasant. there is something about looking good that makes things seem better.

    • NO! RAISED BY WOLVES!

    • I really wish I lived in a world where I could use “Are you having more of an Al Roker or a Hugh Jackman moment right now?” in real life and people wouldn’t look at me funny and then slowly back away.

    • wait, what??? Who does that?!?!?!?

    • Did she bring her own chair, or was the chair there already? If she brought her own chair, that’s SUPER weird. But if the chair was there…I mean, it has to be there for SOME reason, right?

      • There are a couple of chairs in the bathroom but it is quite a small bathroom overall so you’re still within spitting distance of other people’s pee when you’re in there which is not a condition I associate with pleasant lunch breaks.

  8. I saw the Tan Mom video so I guess things can only get better

  9. I just had my yearly performance review, and didn’t get fired. Also the fact that K-Stew will be ‘attending’ school at the place that where I work is something. The office was all abuzz with this information for about 30 seconds this morning.

  10. I wasn’t so much “CORRESPONDENCE course?!” as I was “correspondence COURSE?!” Because seriously?! ONE course? FUCK that noise, Kristen Stewart! One course does not make you the hardest-working person ANYWHERE, nor does it mean you’re thinking about your future (PRO TIP: If you continue acting as long as it will take you to get a degree one course at a time, you are going to have a pretty solid career to depend on for the rest of your life long before you get that degree). I’ve been holding down a full-time job, going to school OVER full-time (5 classes per semester for the past year), AND I have a wife and kid at home! Go to hell, Kristen Stewart!

    On a related note, I finish my BBA in 5 days, and I might get a free suit from Lt. Dan, so today has been pretty rad.

    • In Kristen Stewart’s defense, she’s not the one referring to herself as the hardest-working actress in Hollywood. So don’t go to hell, Kristen Stewart! Go to (correspondence) school!

      • The drive between Los Feliz and UCLA is really rough. I looked at grad school there and realized that it’s a 40-minute drive in the best circumstances (middle of the night, Thanksgiving around 4 p.m., etc.), 1.5-hours in a normal day, 2.5 in bad traffic, 4 fucking hours the day Michael Jackson died and opted to not apply to grad school if I wanted to keep my job and apartment and sanity and no degree is worth that much of a commute.

        • I’ve never been to LA so this might be a stupid question….but why would Michael Jackson’s death affect traffic on the freeways? Like, I get that traffic by maybe the news station, morgue, hospital, his house or whatever could be screwed. Do I just not understand the geography of LA?

          • He died right near UCLA, which clogged up 2 major arteries between east side and west, so the already overcrowded area was extra crowded that day. I never went west and he died when I was in Venice so getting back took 4 hours. Reagan’s death did this too. My friend was stuck on Sunset for 2-3 hours. Don’t be on the west side when rich people die in Bel Aire.

    • you are the hardest working taco i know.

  11. I’m about to go get sushi so my day is going a-ok. Also I watched Clear History last night and it was great! Michael Keaton is still one of the funniest guys around.

  12. i am going to pretend like most of today didn’t happen. i have a lot of clients who are close to losing their coverage (i am a medical case manager for a non-profit that provides services for hiv positive folks who are also poor and/or homeless, we also run a needle exchange and a testing facility) and i spent an hour on the fone with one client who is not doing so well with the meth.

    i watched orange is the new black this weekend and i finished it this morning. i kept crying because the stories are so real and i know people who have lived/are living similar stories and i just want to change things but i can’t because i have so much debt and i need to be paid to work because of capitalism and i just keep over thinking everything. i think i might put a little too much responsibility on myself and i can’t really separate out what is my fault and what is beyond my control.

    also, my friend is getting married this weekend, so that is a plus. i just feel like -___- <— that most of the time.

  13. We’ve almost made it through another day in August, so that’s good. I don’t like August.

  14. I’M NEW*! (*to commenting. I’ve been lurking for a long time, pretending that you’re all my very fun and clever friends.) (You are, right?) I feel like a kid on the first day of school…excited, but also worried that the teacher won’t like me and that my avatar isn’t cool enough.

  15. i am going to pretend like most of today didn’t happen. i have a lot of clients who are close to losing their coverage (i am a medical case manager for a non-profit that provides services for hiv positive folks who are also poor and/or homeless, we also run a needle exchange and a testing facility) and i spent an hour on the fone with one client who is not doing so well with the meth.

    i watched orange is the new black this weekend and i finished it this morning. i kept crying because the stories are so real and i know people who have lived/are living similar stories and i just want to change things but i can’t because i have so much debt and i need to be paid to work because of capitalism and i just keep over thinking everything. i think i might put a little too much responsibility on myself and i can’t really separate out what is my fault and what is beyond my control.

    also, my friend is getting married this weekend, so that is a plus. i just feel like lame most of the time.

    • I’m giving you a hug, because you’re awesome.

    • There’s really nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I think you’re great and doing everything you can to be part of the solution instead of the problem. However, empty platitudes only do so much, so here’s a kitten hugging a stuffed kitty.

      • i just wish that i could have faith in something again. i remember when i used to believe in activism and thought that i could change the system and really have an impact. i don’t know why i am feeling so disheartened as of late. i think that you can do amazing things if you work hard enough. but what am i supposed to do? i have to pay sallie mae. i have to pay hospital bills. i have to actually have money to live. there is only so much you can do without anything. resources are essential to start any sort of program that addresses the issues i want to address. and i have none. it is frustrating to because i can’t seem to make anyone in my life understand. my parents wonder why i haven’t done anything with my degree, and my mom wonders why i don’t start law school, as if that is a catch all to my problems. but that is another 300,000 dollars in debt that i am not eager to take on. my healthcare lapsed this year and i owe medical bills because i haven’t been diligent about getting a new plan (also, i am broke so i have to enter the statewide low income medical pool which is a real hoot). i just…sometimes i want to sleep all day and ignore everything (most of the time). sorry to be such a downer. i feel like this might be legitimate depression, which i don’t have coverage for! ahhh. fun times.

        • I’m so sorry that things are rough. Have you tried reaching out to local mental health resources in your area? I used to work for a domestic violence agency and we had a list of therapists who were willing to see patients on a sliding scale depending on income or some places that offered free clinic hours. Even if you can’t afford medication right now, it might help to have someone to talk to?

          The other thing that has worked for me really well is running. I know it’s a little over-simplistic, but running really does give you endorphins (endorphins make you happy!) and I notice a huge difference in my mood if I have skipped it for a few days. Plus for me, when my life feels out of control and frustrating, its nice for there to be one thing that I have complete control over. I can set goals for times and distances and completing those gives me a really big sense of accomplishment, even if I feel like everything in my life is a complete failure.

        • Yes, when I am very upset about the direction my life is taking, (shitty job, and the many worries about my immediate and distant future) I go for very long walks, lately notsomuch but mostly for a couple miles at a time. Depending on my mood, I would pick routes full of things that make me happy. I have a windy route that takes me past all the flower shops and bodegas with flowers out front, and I make sure to stop and touch and/or smell them. I usually get tired enough to turn my mind off.

  16. Oh lordy, I took a mini-break holiday today and drove out to western Mass to visit Edith Wharton’s house out there, because I’m a nerd. Have you ever been to the Berkshires? UGGG, they are too fucking pretty! Like, I just walked around the grounds and the gardens and wanted to cry because evidently I really like grass and blue sky and birds and shit, and not concrete and noise pollution and other people like we have in the city. Weird!!! The house was pretty cool, too. I was the only one in my guided tour, and I was impressed with myself for asking questions and not being totally awkward about it. Edith was a complicated lady.
    Also! While I was driving my Zipcar home (I love driving so so much!) Paul Revere by the Beastie Boys came on the radio which is my favorite Beastie Boys song and I sang along with it and gestured and had a great time, which is not something I can do on public transportation.
    I feel like the whole day soothed my frazzled soul, which is something I’ve felt the need to say a lot lately, which makes me concerned that my soul is so frazzled!

    • Oh man, one of the things I missed the most when I didn’t have a car for a few weeks was losing my fortress of solitude where I can sign inappropriately loud to whatever I want. It’s so great.

      • I had brought along my iPod with the plan being to sing along to every song I love, but the cord hooking it to the speakers wasn’t working properly, so I was a little worried. But the radio was actually pretty good, and just as I was coming up to the city, WMYB might have come on the radio and I might have literally screamed like a 14-year-old and sung along at the top of my lungs without taking a breath.

        • I may have done that once…beside an army caravan…who all pointed and laughed. I think technically I can be considered a USO officer though, so that’s a plus.

        • Flanny! There’s a documentary on over here tonight about 1D super fans and like the new face of fandom in the twitter age or something. So basically all week they’ve been airing commercials (adverts?) of screaming girls and girls writing Louis/Harry fanfic and hating each other for having iphone photos with the guys. And these girls like find out what hotel the guys are staying at and then just go rent rooms in the same hotel so that maybe they will run into them. They interviewed 2 of the girls on the UK version of the Today Show yesterday, and accidentially mentioned that 1D would be on the program next week and these girls flipped. I’m pretty sure they went and hid in the bathroom afterwards to wait till next week. Anyway, maybe you can find it somehow in the US. Ok I just looked it up, it has a super creative title “Crazy about One Direction”.

    • My mom is from the Berkshires, so many trips were taken to visit grandma every year. We basically had Norman Rockwell Christmases. Haven’t been back in a years, I miss it a bit.

  17. Oh man is she gonna get a lot of shit for Twilight in her literature classes.

    • really though, my sister keeps a copy of that in her toilet and i read a couple chapters one day and the grammar alone made me want to burn the book. truly horrific.

  18. I have been procrastinating all day. Played lots of Candy Crush, organized my closet, and now I am sitting here at 3:24PM having written…25 words. I usually like working on deadline, but this one is so ludicrous that I’m on the verge of giving up. I feel like I have no time to do anything fun, or even really productive, but actually, I am wasting whole days being miserable avoiding work. To make things worse, I feel too “busy” to deal with wedding stuff, so that’s piling up even though I totally have time to do it? I just shouldn’t have that time? I don’t know, guys, the hours just get away from me and I kind of hate myself. :( :(:(:(

    • That is exactly how I am “oh my god, I have so much work to do, I better play Candy Crush for three more hours to prepare.” Its such a vicious cycle to break out of.

    • Ugh it just got worse. One of my bridesmaids texted to ask if the bridal party could change shoe color, since they couldn’t find gold shoes. She was asking on behalf of 4 of my 6 bridesmaids, I guess, if they could do nude shoes instead. One of the other two bridesmaids is black, so I don’t even know if they mean skin tone or beige and I just cannot even deal right now. I also searched gold shoes on Zappos and found like 200+ pairs. I mean I know I have no perspective on this, but I’d like to think I’ve been a pretty easy bride so far, and I really wish they would just figure this shit out without calling me when I’m two weeks away from my deadline and four weeks away from my wedding. Anyway I called my fiance to vent and ended up crying because I am about as stressed out as I’ve ever been and I just have no room to handle anything at all. Hold me, you guys. Or send gifs. This pity party needs decoration.

  19. I signed a lease on an amazing apartment 5 blocks from where I work! But I also became official enemies with the nursing management lady who works on the same unit as me (because she’s awful). So I think I came out even? But then I ate a burger from 5 Guys for dinner so I give this day an A+

    • signing leases is always exciting. i love moving for some reason. i know it’s a hassle, but the idea of starting somewhere new and organizing and putting a life together always excites me.

      • You get to be whomever you want to be when you move. It’s phenomenal. Next time I move, I’m going to be a grizzled prospector.

        • i legit have not stayed in the place for more than a year in the past eight years. some of it has been involuntary and some of it voluntary. but i enjoy starting a new and pretending to be “put together ashleigh” or “party child ashleigh.” who wants to stay the same all the time.

  20. I only have 7 working days left at this job in this city, so now I feel kind of pressured to do a farewell tour of Downtown Work Lunch’s greatest hits. Today was Last Schnitzelwich Forever (Or At Least The Foreseeable Future) Day.

    • Do you have favorite happy hours? I’m working on a project related to this and my biggest blind spot is Downtown and The Pearl.

      • I’m a fan of Hobo’s in Chinatown, but I may be biased because my pool team plays pool there a lot and my boyfriend knows all the bartenders. But the food is pretty tasty and the drinks are strong (although not the cheapest). Also, if you’re bored you can look for ghosts/ask the bartenders about their ghost experiences in the place.

        • Oh that place is on my list of ghost places (unrelated but if I can get my site up by Halloween may be a really fun feature)! Have you done the tunnel tours?

          • I have! I took my little sister and her friend to it. In the intro part the tour guide asked the ~15 people there if we wanted the tour to focus on the history or focus on the ghosts, and the instant she said that my sister’s friend shouted “OHH GHOSTS!!!” so the group got the ghost tour pretty unanimously. It was awesome even though we didn’t see any :-/

          • Nice! I really want to do both. I’m definitely doing the ghost one around Halloween as I know it is a thing.

  21. Today was medium. Work wasn’t very busy but I got to do some fun stuff. I had a weird moment where I was looking at this girl’s outfit (the people at my company generally dress very trendy, especially the women) and I was sort of jealous about how trendy she looked but then a second later I was like, “wait, I would never wear that outfit” so it was a nice reminder that the grass is only greener if you look at it. And that you should just look at your own grass sometimes. We have a bunny in our backyard who is ADORABLE but who is eating our garden and I am so pissed off at that adorable bastard! Today the bunny was sitting there, munching on our lilies, and when we saw that, mr. truck opened the door and Ben the dog RAN out there and the bunny stumbled and Ben almost got him! (Don’t worry, the dog will never catch him and even if he did he’ll just ask to be best friends…the point is to scare the bunny.) Also today my parents have been married 37 years! Way to go Mr. & Mrs. SeniorTruckasaurus!

  22. I missed a package delivery this morning :(

    BUT, beer o’clock came early, and I had a Quorn burger w/ spinach, onions, pickles, and BBQ sauce for lunch, so now I’m gooooood :)

  23. FMK: Superman, Batman, Lex Luthor

    • Ugh, kill Superman.
      Marry Lex Luthor (money :( )
      f batman I guess.

    • Banging Supes is probably out; I imagine he would break me (or anybody) in half. And I’m not sure that I could legally marry him, since he’s not a human being. That actually throws a wrench in the sexy stuff, too, since that would technically count as bestiality, I believe. So kill Superman.

      I for SURE would not marry Batman, since his hardcore emotional issues and commitment to work would be a dealbreaker. Bang Batman. That only leaves marrying Lex.

      ALTERNATE PLAN: I could kill Lex and marry Bats, but only if I could commit to becoming a supervillain myself. You’d always know when it’s safe to strike. “Oh, you’re going out to stop Two-Face again? I’ll just be staying home, not robbing liquor stores!”

    • marry lex luther (for the money, obviously), f**k batman (because he is moody and i bet he is really active in the sack), and kill superman (because lame is lame).

    • Kill Superman (he seems to boring to fuck or marry but killing would be an interesting challenge), marry Luthor because 70s/80s Gene Hackman is kind of the best and sexy (or the bald guy on the Smallville show that I have never seen… though I would much rather choose Zod if I can pick from that cast as he is really handsome and, in my mind, an immortal punk reaper), fuck Batman (too messed up to marry, has toys and really good booze if he’s boring).

      And to anyone making the kneel before Zod jokes, I wrote them out and decided they were gross.

  24. Today has been pretty okay for me. I got kettle corn from the Farmer’s Market and finally started watching Breaking Bad. I am hoping that I might be able to watch all six seasons before the finale. It may be a stretch, but I believe in myself and my insane ability to consume wayyyy too much TV in very short periods of time.

    Also, I am still coming down off my One Direction concert high from last week (which was awesome btw) and then the other day I was perusing Tumblr and found some random girl’s gifset/video from the show and you can see me the whole time with a look of complete gleeful insanity. So now I have the honor of being forever immortalized in gif form with Zayn Malik, which I think technically makes us best friends? Seriously though, there is nothing weirder than seeing your own face pop up unexpectedly on Tumblr.

  25. alright, i guess. i accidentally heard “one night in bangkok” while getting ready for work this morning, so my whole day has been an uphill battle to get it out of my head. (depeche mode seems to have done the trick, because now i just have “everything counts” stuck in my head.) work was pretty uneventful, but i managed to time all my bus rides so that i got there right when they did so i didn’t have to wait for any of them and got home pretty quickly. now i am dancing around my kitchen listening to depeche mode and making myself scrambled eggs at four o’clock in the afternoon because adulthood.

  26. I picked a bunch of vegetables and had a great work day, so that’s nice.

    Also: it’s the 10th anniversary of the NYC blackout, which may be a big deal to some? It is to me, but for really weird reasons….

    I remember it really well because I was supposed to visit NYC for the first time after moving away after all the crap that was my 2001 (layoff, 9/11, layoff, plane exploding the day after the second layoff and I stupidly asked for a sign — yikes!!, third layoff) that convinced me to leave. And had I taken my initial flight, I would have been stuck in midtown Manhattan in a city-wide blackout approximately an hour and a half after my plane landed. With 5-days-of-visiting luggage that I would have had to carry from Midtown to Park Slope. In darkness. While trying to stay calm even though the city lost all power shortly after I visited for the first time after leaving… so also while trying to stay calm and subduing an inevitable panic attack or temper tantrum. Thankfully, I had to switch my ticket, and I am still grateful that I missed that little event because even though everyone said it was actually kind of fun… I guarantee that I was not in the right place mentally to find 10 miles of walking with a suitcase in the dark a good way to start a visit.

    This being said, I was a miserable bastard 10 years ago. And because of this odd anniversary, I’m sitting here thinking about how grateful I am that my life has changed so so *so* much in that 10 years. And that I get to type this as I sit next to my very healthy dog that was just a baby then. And that I don’t live in a city that I hate and that I’m not currently visiting a city that I used to love (and at the time wish I had never left) at the *exact* wrong time. Plus I like my job and have a balance, which is a totally new thing for me. So I’m having a beer in celebration as so very very very much has changed in a decade and I’m a much better person for and because of it.

    In summary: yay.

    • Ooh, blackout memories! I was still home for the summer, and i had just gotten back to the house from work. I flipped on the surge protector that my mom’s computer was plugged into and the computer turned on and then went ZOOP and turned off along with everything in the house/neighborhood/eastern time zone. So basically, sorry guys, it was me in my suburban Detroit childhood home turning on the computer to check out a Jude Law website that caused the blackout.

      • I used to be the web producer for business-centric surge and power supplies and had to switch my dates because of a work deadline. And we got 3+ reports (fan letters?) from B&T types that said they used our car cigarette lighter sourced power adapter to curl and crimp their hair before going out in the city (as they drove into the city before the blackout, might as well primp because they did not before???) and one from a grown up that said he or she used the device to charge their cell or work laptop with it. I ended up making a consumer-facing page about the blackout for promo reasons and it was the only time I wasn’t mindlessly entering in engineering specs in my whole year of working at that job.

    • Tomorrow is the 10-year anniversary of when I went to boot camp, which means that when the blackout happened, I was sitting in a hotel in San Antonio, waiting to fly out the next morning. I went to IHOP, too. So I guess today is the 10-year anniversary of a time that I got some IHOP. No regrets.

    • i want some freshly picked vegetables! my tomatoes are still green so methinks i will not be picking them anytime soon.

      • Most of mine are green, but I have a smattering of tiny dark red ones that I have been eating as they seem ripe and are super easy to pluck. One plant is growing gigantic green tomatoes that look like tiny green pumpkins. I used to have a black thumb, which apparently changed?? I don’t think that I’ve ever had more fun over a 4-month time with $240 (the cost of 2 boxes of dirt and some seedlings) and the amount of time it takes to play some fetch with my dog and water plants as a break from work. I get giddy every time I eat something that I grew myself as this is a really cool novelty.

    • I was at the supermarket with my mom. She put back the chicken and still paid for the milk. First mistake. We had to run through 4 lanes of cars with no traffic lights to get to our building. We were one of the few families in our building to have a battery-powered radio or landline phone, so I would listen to my free bloomberg radio with headphones on(thanks strangers like 13 years ago for giving it to us as a promotional dealie) and my neighbors would come to me for updates. I was 17-year old Walter Cronkite of the hood.

      • A friend of mine from college said that was her first day every going to NYC, and she ended up being trapped on the subway in a tunnel with her friend. Eventually the MTA made them and the other unfortunate souls walk through those tunnels of terror to safety.

  27. I just found out that Scott Adams released a new game earlier this year, which is EXCITING STUFF YOU GUYS. I won’t be buying it, because I never really cared for his games anyway, but he’s an IF pioneer, and if there’s one particular casual obsession that hits all of my nerd switches, it’s IF.

  28. So this morning I decided to treat myself to a cronut (well I don’t live in New York, so it’s a fake cronut), but the bakery is not accessible by train, so I rented a Zipcar to drive over there. As I was navigating the parking area, I smashed the passenger side mirror into a column that apparently I didn’t see. This, of course, a mere two and a half months after wrecked my old car.

    The moral of the story is Fuck cronuts.

  29. I packed Thomas up today to take him back to college tomorrow. I’ll miss him. Wow summer flew by.

  30. I went to the liquor store on my way home from work and bought two bottles of wine and the dude who worked there asked me if I was having friends over and I was just like “Uh…. yes?” and almost felt shame until I realized that I don’t give a fuck, and now I’m about to drink one of them. #YOLO

  31. So, I was out last week because my grandpa died, which was sad, but we expected it and he was in a lot of pain, so it was time. Plus, it was good to see all my crazy cajun relatives again. Even if they don’t always speak English and my French isn’t great.

    But!! On the very same day, even, I got amazing news that the exhibition catalog I put together two years ago got reviewed in a really important art history journal this summer. To my continued amazement, it got a great review!!! So suck it, former job that hated me for that project!! I’m on JSTOR now!!

  32. My day kinda sucked. Someone stole 60 pounds out of my wallet and the only 2 options for who could have done it are both shitty options. Other than that I guess my day wasn’t that bad. I did have to babysit a friend’s kid for several hours and y’all 2 year olds just don’t quit. At one point he was standing on my coffee table trying to somehow both pull a bike up there with him while also trying to jump onto the couch at the same time. Oh and I ordered my favorite sandwich at my lunch place and I think they forgot it on the grill because it was kinda burned and all of the cheese had puddled outside of the sandwich. So I was basically just eating hard toast with the essence of brie.

  33. Hmm, so on top of everything I didn’t get to talk about, I missed this post yesterday because I was busy with work.

    Balls.

    • You can still post here!

      • Well, the toddler is kind of being a monster sometimes because he’s almost 3 and dealing with a lot of emotions he doesn’t understand how to process (because he’s THREE). And the baby is teething and obsessed with crawling (as in, he doesn’t want to sleep at night; he wants to crawl) and while my wife works from home most of the time so the kids stay there with her, when the nights are sleep-free we get stressed and she gets mad at me and resents that I get to flee off to work in a quiet office and I feel powerless to help.

        First-world problems, I know. The kids are healthy and happy, and we have a house to live in, so I try to keep things in perspective. Just wish I could HELP. I want to enjoy this time when the kids are this age, despite the stresses. I don’t want to wish them to school age and out of our house, despite how tempting it is to do that.

  34. Yesterday I went to AD Bingo with Lizzing and Patsy Stone, and I believe the bartender thought I was undercover cop, because kept carding people around me. In retrospect, the fact that I kept looking out the window (there was a cop car parked outside) whilst waiting for my fellow monsters to arrive might have made him think so. I had a good time, despite not winning a single game. I don’t like bananas, but I wanted to win a frozen chocolate banana so badly.

  35. I just received two tickets for my 8:30 am taping of The Jerry Springer Show, so I pretty much feel like Sonic right now.

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