From the Hollywood Reporter: “Time Warner Cable dropped CBS stations Friday after the companies failed to reach an agreement over retransmission fees. The standoff has continued this week, with the heads of both companies trading barbs in the press. TorrentFreak notes that as long as this continues, more TV fans may turn to alternative means of watching their favorite shows and might not return to viewing them on TV once service is restored.”

EXT. DOME – DAY

A few members of the town (Andy Samberg boy, the girl he’s obsessed with, police lady, Hank from Breaking Bad, the journalist, Barbie, and the two kids) are gathered in front of the drug store. Their coloring is a bit faded and their bodies glitch in and out of the picture.

ANDY SAMBERG BOY
Am I still alive?

BARBIE
Probably.

ANDY SAMBERG BOY
Yeah. I’m sure they wouldn’t kill me off. I provide a good amount of entertaining conflict, right? I’m valuable to the series?


GIRL HE’S OBSESSED WITH
Maybe I killed you, though? After Aunt Zelda was murdered and I was almost raped a few episodes ago, I feel like the series needs a female character to get some payback.

BARBIE
She might be right, kid.

ANDY SAMBERG BOY
But I didn’t even do those things!

GIRL HE’S OBSESSED WITH
YOU DID OTHER THINGS!

BARBIE
That’s true, kid.

JOURNALIST
What is going on? You have to tell me, I have a right to know, and I have a right to ask these questions. After I got my first byline in the news I knew that I would never, ever–

POLICE LADY
Journalist! Calm down!

Police lady glitches in and out more and more quickly until she is completely absent from the picture.

JOURNALIST
What happened to the police lady?!

MALE KID
What police lady?

FEMALE KID
There’s no police lady. Here, look at the video we took of the conversation we were all just having.

The two kids take out their iPhone-equivalents and show the adults a video of the previous conversation. The police woman is missing from the video, and when the video concludes the two children begin to seize. They seize and seize and seize until they, too, are out of the frame. Are they gone, too?! No — the camera pans to the right and they are just making out over by the trees. As they kiss, the picture becomes almost completely taken over by static.

BARBIE
It can snow in the dome.

HANK FROM BREAKING BAD
IT CAN SNOW IN THE DOME!

CUT TO:

INT. RADIO STATION – DAY

The journalist rushes into the static-y radio station and begins to explain her position as a journalist and her right to inform the town about what is going on, etc., but then notices that parts of the radio station are missing. Replaces those parts are seemingly bottomless black holes. There are even holes in the floor! Investigating further, she sticks her foot in one of the floor holes. Bit by bit she sticks more and more of her body into the floor hole. Now she’s completely in the floor hole, only her forehead sticking out. Once her forehead is gone, the radio station rips apart into nothingness.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

Rotten bodies litter the floor of the static-y hospital. Andy Samberg Boy rushes in holding out his badge, glitching in and out now more than ever, and pauses.

ANDY SAMBERG BOY
So. Okay. I remember that…we were running out of medicine? And…Okay, I know that we are still under a dome. There was a bomb and that didn’t work. It can rain in the dome. Everyone had diabetes. There was a priest! And he died!!

The girl he’s obsessed with walks in behind him.

GIRL HE’S OBSESSED WITH
And I had a deal with Hank from Breaking Bad about how he would protect me.

ANDY SAMBERG BOY
I don’t think that matters. I’M TRYING TO REMEMBER THE THINGS THAT MATTER, I’M TRYING TO SAVE US.

GIRL HE’S OBSESSED WITH
Please don’t let us fade away, Andy Samberg!!!

ANDY SAMBERG BOY
I DON’T WANT TO. I’M TRYING TO KEEP US. I’M TRYING TO REMEMBER!

Andy Samberg Boy cries as the hospital is ripped apart beneath his feet and replaced by darkness.

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

A husband and wife sit on their couch, flipping through television channels.

HUSBAND
Hey, is CBS back yet?

WIFE
No, I don’t think so. Were you thinking about watching Under the Dome? We can watch last week’s on Amazon Prime now, I think, if you want to.

HUSBAND
Ah. Hmm. Nah.

WIFE
Yeah.

The End.

Comments (22)
  1. I feel like Kelly’s hit on the secret formula for writing an ep of UtD! Don’t let them lure you away from us, Kelly!!!

  2. Kelly, thank you for this weekly reminder that I too am deprived of CBS. I keep forgetting to pour out the weekly 40 in honor of its absence.

  3. Wait, Aunt Zelda is on this show?? Do you think she got the part because she remained friends with Bryan Cranston after his appearance as a pantsless witch lawyer on Sabrina and he introduced her to his buddy Hank from Breaking Bad?

  4. CBS and Time Warner need to get their situation worked out. This could deprive New York of THE CRAZY ONES. What will New York do with Buffy, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Bob Benson working in a modern ad agency?

  5. I like how when a main character dies, they immediately introduce a ghost-element to the plot.

    • Though, I suppose we haven’t seen Duke come back.

      Bummerville, USA is the town encased by the dome. That was this week’s big reveal.

  6. Thank god for an antenna, I can still watch grown men smanging each other once NFL season starts again.

  7. These GumGuesses are the only thing I know about Under The Dome, and I love it.

    • ♫ Just look at the world around you, right here on the dome’s own floor. Such wonderful things around you, what more is you looking for? Under the Dome ♫ C’mon people! ♫ Under the Dome ♫

  8. Is the dome in Night Vale? Is this the workings of the almighty Glow Cloud?

  9. Now every time I see the Dome guy who also is Hank on Breaking Bad I think of his other name which is “teeth face”. And I lol irl.

  10. I am on a PC, but yes. You take your left hand and hold down the alt key while your right types the numbers 1 and 4 at the same time.

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