Remember when Jeremy Piven was in that play in New York but then he quit suddenly, obviously because he just didn’t feel like doing it anymore, but claimed that it was because he ate too much sushi? And he had to go to Actor Court, which is a thing that exists, and defend himself against charges of “you are a liar who is lying” and he stood up in front of a panel of adults and insisted that he had a note from his doctor and that he had eaten too much sushi? Remember that? And remember how it’s like come on, Jeremy Piven, for all of your posturing as a fast-talking testosterone factory, why can’t you actually be a man?

Well, months have gone by, and in case you were wondering if Jeremy Piven has decided that his dignity and his self-respect are more valuable to him than the perpetuation of a ridiculous lie that makes him look small, and petulant, and retarded, the answer is no. Dude has his terrible story and he is stupidly sticking to it.

From People:

“I haven’t had a piece of fish since the doctor told me to lower my blood mercury level,” the Entourage Emmy winner told PEOPLE during Thursday’s Lakers celebration party at Los Angeles’s Nokia Club. “So, it’s been almost 10 months now.”

Oh just shut up, Jeremy Piven. The only thing less believable than this story you refuse to stop telling is the hair plugs on your thick, dull head. What a jerk.

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Comments (34)
  1. Obligatory “You shouldn’t say ‘retarded’ ” comment in three…two…

    • People really say that here? I thought that was confined to Jezebel. “Retard-shaming!”

    • Well, I kinda think people shouldn’t use the word. Not just because it’s cruel, but also because it’s kinda lazy as comedy or insult. Especially when it’s used near a great line like “And remember how it’s like come on, Jeremy Piven, for all of your posturing as a fast-talking testosterone factory, why can’t you actually be a man?”

      I know, I know, vote me down, etc.

      • agreed. and sorry to get all Seriousgum, but:

        • langford  |   Posted on Jun 19th, 2009

          You know I love you Becca-Jodie. But sometimes I wonder where the line should be drawn. I mean the ‘n’ word is used affectionately by some black people; others hate it. Same thing for the ‘f” word. But words change meanings all the time; they’re flexible. Bastard and douche don’t really mean what they really mean when used in everyday conversation. And screwed has a negative connotation towards women (douche may too). Except I know that it really doesn’t. Anyway, all I’m saying is that fighting against slang seems a pretty futile thing.

          I dunno… It’s early, and I swear I’m not trying to be offensive.

          • yea, denotations are fluid. i just felt like being polemic, ya know… I personally don’t use any of those words, and I’d prefer if people didn’t use them pejoratively (but I’m not the type to give a speech about the etymology of words intended to cause one group of people pain). I’m all for linguistic reclamation of formerly incendiary words, but anyone can tell when a word is used in a careless or harmful way as opposed to in an affectionate way.

            /end Seriousgum

        • I agree with you. People enjoy claiming “it’s just a word!” but 1. it’s not about them and 2. that’s an easy out to actually being thoughtful. It’s just best to not use offensive terms or jokes that degrade a group of people. “Retard” extends to “gay” extends to sexism extends to fat shaming etc etc.

    • Well, somebody should tell the “Center for Retarded Adults” that I volunteered at for two years that their name is hurtful to the people they help every day. Can we please stop doing this? It’s a fucking word people, let’s be adults. Remember when we used to call mentally deficient people “idiots” or “morons”? Well, that got socially unacceptable too, and the circled all the way back around to totally cool with everyone, no big deal.

      It is not what you call a person but how you treat them that matters. It’s not cool to use the term “retard” in a derogatory fashion, but if we were to replace “retard” with “popsicle” it would be just as offensive (to a rational person). Ascribing an immutable “right” or “wrong” to any word is fucking retarded, because words are not immutable, their meanings change organically with us, as we change.

      The thing that really pisses me off is that the majority of people afflicted by these conditions could not care less what they’re called. The only people who care about this are insanely overprotective families/”interest” groups (focused entirely on the families of the afflicted, instead of the afflicted themselves) that get offended on behalf of their loved ones. They don’t need you to crusade against a word, idiots, they need you to care about them.

      • Agreed, but with a caveat. I’ve also worked with people with developmental disabilities (a clumsy construction, I know, but a respectful one) and though I wouldn’t use the term “retarded” to describe a disabled person, I would gladly use it to describe the printer at my office, the U.S. health care system, or any other inanimate object or concept that I found slow-moving and/or backward. We don’t ask the British to stop calling cigarettes “fags” so I think we can acknowledge here, too, that the word can have legitimate uses. If we could let go of the idea that ANY use of “retarded” is intentionally derogatory toward people with developmental disabilities, it will actually neutralize the word’s offensive power.

        • We don’t tell the British to stop using the word “fag” for cigarette because it comes from the word “faggot” which means a bundle of sticks set alight. As you do a cigarette. But faggots were used to burn heretics, so heretics began being called faggots, and then heretics who recanted were made to wear faggot emblems on their sleeves, and then in the 16th century, because all pejoratives end up being applied to women, it became an insult used on women. And it’s not until the 20th century that it starts getting attached to homosexuals, and that’s primarily in the US.

          So, the notion that we should stop the British from using a slang word for cigarette that has nothing to do with the pejorative word for homosexuality MAKES NO SENSE.

      • Agreed, but with a caveat. I’ve also worked with people with developmental disabilities (a clumsy construction, I know, but a respectful one) and though I wouldn’t use the term “retarded” to describe a disabled person, I would gladly use it to describe the printer at my office, the U.S. health care system, or any other inanimate object or concept that I found slow-moving and/or backward. We don’t ask the British to stop calling cigarettes “fags” so I think we can acknowledge here, too, that the word can have legitimate uses. If we could let go of the idea that ANY use of “retarded” is intentionally derogatory toward people with developmental disabilities, it will actually neutralize the word’s offensive power.

      • Agreed, but with a caveat. I’ve also worked with people with developmental disabilities (a clumsy construction, I know, but a respectful one) and though I wouldn’t use the term “retarded” to describe a disabled person, I would gladly use it to describe the printer at my office, the U.S. health care system, or any other inanimate object or concept that I found slow-moving and/or backward. We don’t ask the British to stop calling cigarettes “fags” so I think we can acknowledge here, too, that the word can have legitimate uses. If we could let go of the idea that ANY use of “retarded” is intentionally derogatory toward people with developmental disabilities, it will actually neutralize the word’s offensive power.

        • “Agreed, but with a caveat” may have some potential to be added to the videogum slang canon along side such favorites as Have fun at dinner and relax, technojeremy.

  2. High blood-mercury levels (i.e. mercury poisoning) primarily effects the nervous system. So you see, much like Parkinson’s or MS, his being a dick faced liar is a disease! Show some respect.

  3. Actually, dude’s got some damn good plugs. Way better than Elton John or Joe Biden. Total douche, but nice transplant job.

  4. At first glance I thought this had something to do with fish sticks

  5. What a brave man, quitting sushi cold turkey like that.

  6. i would have much preferred if he had, in the middle of a performance, walked off stage yelling “FUCK THIS BROADWAY SHIT!” Sexual Chocolate style.

  7. Someone needs to stand up for this guy. He needs a new agent.

    • Really? Because I think no one needs to stand up for this guy because he is terrible and deserves whatever he gets. Not that I care about the mercury poisoning thing — I’ve always hated him as an actor. How does one person ooze so much smarminess in every role he’s in?

  8. I thought he was great in PCU! (like that Beardzoid?)

  9. The guy is a douche. Case in point: try to sit through“Jeremy Piven Journey of a Lifetime”, where he documents his “spiritual” journey through India. Quote: ?At the end of the river Ganges, I found a sense of peace. A sense of balance I have never felt. This was totally unexpected and unplanned.? Because, you know, what a coincidence a camera crew was there to film this unexpected and unplanned experience. Shenanigans.

  10. This whole comment and article is whiny.

  11. To quote Ari Gould, “Deny till you die”

  12. I NEED to use the word ‘retarded.’ How else am I supposed to describe a fanny-pack or bluetooth headset?

  13. Can we still use short bus jokes?

  14. Jeremy Piven, you’re Bennigan’z.

  15. lolol! yoose guys sad “is a thing dat exists”! i lubs wen yoose says da same tings ova and ova again manj! lolololololol!

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