The second half of Breaking Bad‘s final season begins this Sunday, and you know what that means: PREMIERE PARTIES! [Airhorn.] [Airhorn.] [Air-] [Air-] [Airhorn.] While we all prepare to settle in for a season of which the final episodes put Breaking Bad cinematographer Michael Slovis “in front of [his] screen crying, [himself], alone,” we just gotta break out that partyware, throw on a fun dress, and get to shaking cocktails and flipping burgs for all of our buds! (I am actually having a Breaking Bad premiere party BBQ, full disclosure.) (I called it Breaking BBQ in the Facebook invite, full disclosure.) (I sincerely hope that Gabe doesn’t have a window in Heaven!) Obviously, though, we can’t just serve any old normal cocktail or have any old normal beer option at our Breaking Bad parties. We’re not heathens. So here I’ve provided a few Breaking Bad-themed cocktail recipes that are sure to please everyone at your party, from the Hanks to the Skinny Petes. 

The Exploding Tortoise
1 human head
4 ounces gin
1 ounce whaaaaaat??
1 tiny tortoise (alive, to be kept as a pet)
1 ounce Blue Curaçao

Serve in a big bowl.

The Teethface
1/2 ounce jaw
1 ounce rage
1/2 ounce pineapple juice
1 ounce rum
1 dash getting into character
1 dash bitters
2 ounces Blue Curaçao

Serve over chilled teeth.

The Gus Fring Spoiler

1 ounce I’M NOT CAUGHT UP YET
2 ounces SERIOUSLY, THAT ISN’T COOL
1/2 ounce SOME PEOPLE HAVEN’T SEEN EVERYTHING ON EARTH BUT STILL MIGHT WANT TO SEE IT LATER
1 ounce Blue Curaçao

The Walt Jr.

1 ounce breakfast
2 ounces stupid awful Internet jokes
1 ounce Blue Curaçao

The Beautiful Jesse
3/4 ounce sweet honey
1 ounce angel dust (real, not drug related)
1/2 ounce gin
1/2 ounce gun :(
1 candy heart
1 ounce Blue Curaçao

To be taken from the mouth of Aaron Paul.

The Skyler

2 ounces SKYY Vodka
1 ounce St. Germain
1/2 ounce white grape juice
1/2 ounce lime

Shake vigorously and wonder why no one wants it, it seems like the best one?

The Cousins

2 ounces the thing where a bad guy gets cocky and waits too long to kill a good guy
1 ounce Hank
1 ounce a bullet
1 beer
1 ounce Blue Curaçao

Top with an umbrella.

The Hector Salamanca
1 ounce ding
2 ounces ding ding
1 ounce DING DING DING DING DING DING DING
1/2 cute face
1 ounce Blue Curaçao

The Lily of the Valley
1 ounce lily of the valley
1 ounce juice
2 ounces oh right, this isn’t fun?
1 ounce Blue Curaçao

Comments (30)
  1. Really, no recipe for a Saul-ty Dog?

  2. I like the Flynn. It’s just like the Walt Jr. but served in a martini glass and twice the Blue Curaçao.

  3. The Hank

    1 bottle Coors

  4. Kelly, there can be no half measures in BB cocktails.

  5. The Cash:

    One Hundred Dollar Bill
    soaked in 1 Oz. Grey Goose
    and 1 Oz. St. Germain
    and 1 Oz. Hpnotiq (What! It’s a thing!)

  6. The Marie:

    Rob your friends blind while no one is looking and scram before they notice.

  7. The Tuco Salamanca

    Meth. And lots of it.

  8. i was going to ask the big city gummers, is meth a big thing outside of small town u.s.a.? meth is like a HUGE thing her in albuquerque (both because of this show and also because drug abuse in general is a bad thing that occurs here at high levels…).

  9. The Gale Boetticher:
    .5 oz Coffee brewed through an elaborate vacuum press
    .5 oz loose leaf tea
    .5 oz W.W. (white wine)
    Must be taken as a shot to the face

  10. Elliot & Gretchen:

    8 ounces of Dom Perginon served in a tall, novelty champagne flute made out of a chemistry beaker and Waterford Crystal. Serve with strawberries while wearing a Nobel Prize around your neck.

  11. Tio Salamanca
    A bottle of Bell’s.

  12. Really, Kelly? You didn’t want to just call it “ABBQ?” #raremiss

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