Cronuts: celebrities can’t get ‘em, celebrities can’t live without ‘em. Ever since cronuts became a thing about two months ago, celebrities have been bending over backwards to get a bit of their taste and mouthfeel. Then celebrities have been falling onto their backs, and then waiting for a moment under the assumption that someone will come and pick them up, and then closing their eyes and opening their mouth because maybe whoever is going to be delivering the cronut to their mouth wants it to be a surprise? And then shouting for water once their mouth becomes dry and their jaw begins to ache, and then falling into a cronut-less sleep. Poor celebrities. Will they ever get their cronuts?! From the Daily Mail:

On Thursday, the actress was rather embarrassingly turned away from a New York bakery after attempting to skip the queue. Emma rocked up at the Dominique Ansel Bakery, home to the Cronut – a combination of a croissant and donut which is currently all the rage.

Upon seeing a queue of hungry customers winding around the block, the 22-year-old and her publicist allegedly attempted to skip to the front, but were sent to the back of the line by the doorman.

Emma apparently then slunk back to the end of the queue but gave up on waiting after several minutes.

Oh, Emma Roberts. You may have lived an embarrassing, cronut-less life, but at the very least you didn’t force yourself to stand in line for hours. And that is, in itself, a win. Rest in peace. I hope they serve cronuts in Heaven. (Now I am also dead.)

UPDATE: Last night Emma Roberts, in ghost form, appeared on Late Night and was given a cronut by Jimmy Fallon. She attempted to carry it back to Heaven on her wings, but the weight of the cronut sunk her back onto the Earth. She is once again alive and well. 

Comments (20)
  1. Sounds like Roberts got rob-BURNT! (Not because she was holding a piping-hot cronut, but because the doorman turned her away. It’s a pretty funny joke.)

  2. Man, that is one sucky publicist.

  3. Emma Cro-berts.

  4. “Spotted: Little E trying to satisfy her sweet tooth at Dominique Ansel, but learning that trying to sail to the front of the line on the strength of her surname is cro-NUTS. Looks like our Nancy Drew needs to get a clue and join the queue with the rest of us.”

  5. I scream, you scream, we all Scream 4 cronuts!

  6. “Well I wouldn’t wait in line for a You, either!” – a not upset at all Cronut.

  7. Sounds like this Roberts is a little FLAKEY, perhaps she should have buttered up the line before she Cro-aks (bad dismount)

  8. If it didn’t work for Anderson Cooper on his birthday, it sure as hell won’t work for you. #ThePeoplesCronut

  9. Is it just me, or does cronuts sound like something some fun-loving and slangy dude in a late 80s, early 90s buddy / coming of age comedy would call his friend to suggest that his friend is lacking in knowledge of the sex. Like cro-magnon-nuts, like he’s a stupid caveman with stupid caveman nuts. because cavemen were a thing then*.

    Exhibit A

    • Encino Man is the movie I always stop and watch when it’s on TV, but I really couldn’t tell you any details about its plot or characters. It truly is cro-nuts.

      • Cronuts sounds likes a coconut filled with rum. Could go for some right now.

      • Are there any literary analyses* of the prevalence of “humans encounter the other, and in befriending it, discover the humanity in all of us” theme in the late 70s to early 90s movies? I’m thinking batteries not included, ninja turles, never ending story, E.T. Encino Man, pete’s dragon, and pretty much everything else from that era… Were we ever so warm and fuzzy about overcoming xenophobia?

        *filmdrunk posts

  10. Cronuts (at least the knockoff “Kronut” I had) ARE really good though, I have to admit. I wouldn’t wait for hours at 5am in line for one but I am definitely glad I found one and if I find it again (it was sold out last time I went there) I would get it again.

  11. I want one so bad :( I went and had the pastry they USED to be known for and it was ridonkudonk

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