feud_alert

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the main event of today’s feud watch! In this corner, coming to us from New Jersey by way of Germany, weighing in at probably, I don’t know, 200 pounds? I’m not great at guessing how much men weigh, the actor whom we all know from the NBC television series Friends, on which he played the boyfriend of Rachel who also happened to be the father of one of Ross’s girlfriends, BRRRUUUUUUUUCE WILLIS! (Please click here for appropriate sound effect.) And in this corner, coming to us from New York City, New York, also weighing in at let’s say 200 pounds, the man who completed his undergrad at the University of Miami and came to be immortalized in one of the at one most beloved and most be-hated sculptures in the city of Philadelphia, his father was a hairdresser, SYLVESTERRR STAAAALOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOONE! (Please click here for appropriate sound effect.) AND THE RING IS TWWWIIITTTER! (Please click here for appropriate sound effect.) When we last checked in with Bruce Willis he was being a piece of shit to someone trying to do his job, and it now looks like both The Expendables and Sylvester Stallone have nailed him with a one-two punch to the face! (I’ve never even been NEAR boxing.)

And he hasn’t even deleted the tweets yet! KKNNNOCK OUT! (Yeah?) Somewhere Bruce Willis, confident in his belief that at least Sylvester Stallone would always have his back, even if he acted like a weird newly-minted garbage human, is checking his daughter’s Twitter while she tries to wrestle the phone away from him. “There’s nothing on Twitter you want to see!” she’s shouting. “Dad, this is my phone! Twitter is stupid, I should have never explained it to you, I don’t even know why Sylvester Stallone knows about it, STOP, DAD!” But it’s too late. The damage has been done. R.I.P. Bruce Willis in The Expendables. Long live #feuds.

Comments (30)
  1. I am kept alive by steroids.

  2. Those tweets seem a bit Over the Top to me.

  3. He’s been waiting what – like, three or four years? Since the first movie, which apparently came out in 2010 (a little rusty on my The Expendables trivia, guys)?

  4. For real, you guys, I love the Expendables series. A million more Expendables! Expendables until it’s just shots of gravestones because all the actors are pretty old, so so sorry to be morbid about this!!

  5. Looks like Bruce Willis was the most expendable of the Expendables.

  6. It’s scary that even a stable career in showbiz for 30 yrs can be absolutely destroyed by a single tweet.

  7. But Bruce Willis was the only Expendable who still had his original face!

  8. Samuel J. Valdes Lopez  |   Posted on Aug 7th, 2013 +9

    That’s total demolition, man. I want some resolution instead of this cliffhanger…

  9. Stop or My Dad Will Tweet

  10. I haven’t forgiven Bruce for that interview yet.

  11. Umm, according to wikipedia, Sylvester’s mother was not a hairdresser but “an astrologer, former dancer, and promoter of women’s wrestling.” And her maiden name was Labofish??? I kind of love his mom, guys. His FATHER was a hairdresser. I KIND OF LOVE ALL THE STALLONES! Yes, including Frank.

  12. Career failure??? How about a little series of awesome movies known as DIE HARD. Bruce Willis has achieved ultimate success in my mind.

  13. what does it say about me that i clicked all three sound effect links?

  14. I see dead people.

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