What is this, Lindsay Lohan day? No, it isn’t! Lindsay Lohan day (Lindsay Lohan’s birthday) was July 2, and we missed it. What a bunch of swell friends we are. Today isn’t that day, though, it’s just that some days are just a little more Lindsay Lohan than others, and this happens to be one of those days. (Check her out when she guest-hosts Chelsea Lately tonight, just kidding!) (Though, you obviously can if you want to!) (Like I already said, I am probably going to!) (So I don’t even know what I’m talking about!) Anyway, let’s get this post-y started. On Sunday, August 18th, Lindsay Lohan’s episode of Oprah’s Oprah’s Next Chapter will premiere on the Oprah Winfrey Network. Oh, girl. The network released a short teaser trailer today which offers little to talk about, save for one incredible question:

“What does it feel like to be both an adjective and a verb for child star gone wrong?” A+++++. OPRAH, DO YOU WANT TO FREELANCE FOR VIDEOGUM?! If I were Lindsay Lohan I would say, “I’m not sure, can you use me in a sentence?” LOL. Tune in 2 C if I am Lindsay Lohan! Oprah’s question does inspire me, though, to write up a few of my own questions for both parts of speech and Lindsay Lohan:

  • What does it feel like to be unsure, focused on wishful thinking, and rarely employed by anyone, like the subjunctive?
  • How does it feel to be a gerund for the action of when a child star goes wrong?
  • What’s it like to live your life like a positive negation, meaning a yes answer to a no question, like “doch,” a word that is used all of the time in German but doesn’t have an English equivalent? Even though one would be quite useful?
  • What’s it like to be a personal pronoun?
  • What’s it like to seem like a mere interjection in all of the recent films in which you’ve been cast?
  • What does it feel like to be at once the preposition “under” and the preposition “over”?

Hahaha. LINDSAY, I TRUELY WISH YOU THE BEST! I’m sorry my questions are so rude, BLAME OPRAH! I’m going to go Lindsay Lohan myself off of a cliff!!! (Via ONTD.)

Comments (30)
  1. Internet’s best-ever grammar-related post, right here. Not even kidding about that.


  2. “I’m not sure this makes sense.” -Kelsey Grammar

  3. lohan is the new f-word.

  4. When you crashed your car, was it because you thought “Drive Thru Window” was imperative rather than declarative?

  5. I know the consensus fave aspect of Vgum was WMOAT, but mine was always Kelly Wednesday, which was a Vgum aspect that I made up this one day when Gabe came down with a Case of the Grumpies and Kelly Vgummed all on her own and it was great.

    Now every day is Kelly Wednesday.

    Now I am happy.

  6. “Lohan lohan Lohan lohan lohan lohan Lohan lohan” is the new “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.”

  7. Someone should ask Oprah how it feels to have a first name that is both universally recognizable and also not an actual name that anybody has ever had.

  8. Oprah has gone completely insane.

  9. Wait… how is she an adjective? I honestly don’t get that. “Man, we went to this really Lohan-y club last night. There were like all these Lohan chicks Lohan-ing it up. They had really Lohan cocaine, though.”

  10. Lindsay, homophones are *not* gay words.

  11. Lindsay, do you use the passive aggressive voice with your judges?

  12. On some real shit….Lindsay Lohan can still get that D!

  13. I wish I had my copy of strunk and white so i could understand.

  14. Didn’t Oprah pay Lindsay Lohan $2 million for the ability to ask the tough questions? Also: shouldn’t all that money go back to Charlie Sheen (who kept loaning Lindsay money) and probably the L.A. District Courts (assorted)? And shouldn’t I just stop reading gossip columns because this encourages people to write more and more odd things about this obviously troubled woman? And also why is Lindsay starting a feud with Amanda Bynes when Bynes is still on a 5150 hold? And why haven’t I had lunch yet?

    (Please read these in the voice at the end of Soap.)

  15. “Lindsay, what is it like to have lived a life that is the embodiment of an interrobang?”

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