Naturally, today of all days, the world says goodbye to trampoline accidents. Guys! I mean, come ON! There are no coincidences*. It’s called The Secret and it is REAL. And so it is, indeed. (Thanks for the tip, Ashleigh.)

JK, there are MOSTLY coincidences. Stay safe out there!
Comments (36)
  1. “I’m the Dyson guy. But for trampolines.”

  2. #sponsoredpost

  3. That guy’s Australian so he’s probably more worried that after the trampoline accident a dingo will steal his kids

  4. Great, you solved one problem. But our nation’s milk is still not getting poured into cereal bowls any better.

    Stop resting on your laurels.

  5. Well, this is safe in Australia. But north of the equator I think you’ll find it trampolines you in the opposite direction. And who the heck wants to be driven head-first into the yard at the slightest bounce? #NotMe #DamnYouCoriolosEffect

  6. SO, I’M guessing there WILL BE a final “I’M LEAVING” post, right? I HAVE A gift and want TO MAKE sure I leave IT IN THE right spot.

  7. They said the Titanic was unsinkable, too.

  8. Oh what even is the point any more?

  9. My cousin once had an IRL trampoline accident and broke her ankle so badly that she had to get pins in it. She has one of these things now.

  10. ♫ Safety Tramp, Safety Tramp, what are you doing here? Safety Tramp, Safety Tramp, it’s not yoooo-uuur fault ♫

  11. I feel so honored that you are using my tip on your last day

  12. Gabe, it’s fine that you’re leaving (no, it isn’t), but do you have to take your ball with you? Trampoline accidents were literally all we had left.

  13. Is this where I say goodbye?? I’m guessing no. I wanna say a good goodbye, I’ll assume it’s later. Help me Dr. Zaius!!

  14. In 6 months, Gabe resurfaces in DC as a lobbyist for trampoline companies that employ traditional, accident-prone trampoline technology.

  15. my mama works in insurance so when we were little we were not allowed on trampolines. never go into insurance and have children. they will be scared of everything.

  16. Asshole ruined everything

  17. I don’t wanna be on a trampoline accident-free Internet.

  18. Gabe,

    Thank you for making my days more entertaining with smart and interesting web content over the past 4 or 5 years. You will be missed. I started lurking with the LOST reviews and started sharing with the very excellent political rants and started commenting when I started working from home and needed a safe place to discuss my love of television and dislike of terrible things. This little pop culture Internet community is lovely, and I have made some actual, real friends through it (and so many amazing spambot friendships… too many, really).

    I honestly hope everything works out and is great. Though, secretly, I hope it is not great and you come back with a giant raise and also Kelly gets to keep her big promotion and raise and you two will share custody of Birdie (Kelly gets to keep Birdie, right? Birdie *is* the site mascot. And I’m pretty sure Kelly wants a dog.)

    I’ve been honestly impressed with this site for so long. Weeding through pop culture garbage and then turning into something entertaining is a really really hard job and to do it *so well* and consistently well and then to find another editor who is also amazing… well, you two are much stronger than me. I doubt I’d be able to last more than a week before the echo chamber made my head explode. So thank you for that too.

    Be safe out there.

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