It has been hard since we lost the war against the face-huggers and the chest bursters. Society has largely collapsed and we live in constant fear, never sure where our next meal is going to come from or if we’re going to be the meal. At first the Aliens simply wreaked havoc wherever they want, but if anything it’s only gotten harder since they assimilated to our culture. Now they’re the first ones in the cronut line in the morning, and they’re attending city council town hall meetings to criticize their township’s failure to modernize the zoning laws in a transitioning post-rural area. They’re coming to your house asking if you’ve seen their newspaper because someone keeps stealing it, staying on the porch just long enough to make idle chit chat about last night’s episode of Under The Dome (“They spent an entire episode finding a single dose of insulin for that lesbian, but so what happens when she needs another dose in eight hours or whatever?!”). It’s disconcerting because they’re mostly polite, and it’s exactly in that moment, when you have momentarily let your guard down, pointing out that they might want to consider watering their lawns in the evening because watering them during the day the water actually magnifies the sun’s heat and burns the grass, that their tertiary jaw shoots out from between the two inner jaws, and good old Bob gets tossed into the mass graves that have sprouted up across the world like so many Starbucks. And yet, despite all of this hardship and fear and the slow, inevitable spread of total annihilation, I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHAT THOSE LITTLE GIRLS ARE WHISPERING! So rude.

Well? What are they whispering, though?! Winner will receive the admiration of his or her peers. (Image via TheInternetLurker.)

Comments (70)
  1. If you’re gonna talk, at least wait until it’s game over, man. Game over!

  2. On the court, everyone can you hear you gossip.

  3. Is this from Space Jam?

  4. Must be a Nashville Predators game.

  5. Girl, alien is not the correct nomenclature. Xenomorph, please.

  6. What a weird looking Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler.

  7. Prometheus 2 is somehow less weird than I thought it would be

  8. I tried to think of something funny and clever and sophisticated but this was all I could come up with.

  9. “I thought we were hired to catch a PREDATOR?”

  10. “I’ve heard of fans traveling for the visiting team, but this is ridiculous! You know, because they are aliens. And space is far. It’s ridiculous because of the distance, you see.”

  11. Aliens vs Mean Girls

  12. “I hear Gabe is taking time off work to undergo a species change.” (This is how humans become aliens, which is the plot of Alien, right? I didn’t watch the movie.)

  13. “They mostly come out to the ballgame at night. Mostly.”

  14. the alien movie had a good pro-life message aka the birth scene

  15. “I heard the way they have babies is not by loving each other very much.”

  16. No. If this is the last caption contest, why don’t YOU, Gabriel Des Moines Delahaye caption it?!

  17. “Looks like they’re hoping for a close encounter of the BIRD kind,” is what I would suggest if Larry Bird still played sports.

  18. “They haven’t been in a good movie since 1986.”

  19. “they farted, teehee” (I don’t know, sometimes it’s just nice to participate even though you aren’t very good at captioning)

  20. They came to retrieve Chris Bosh

  21. Mom and Dad are so embarrassing!

  22. Haha, you will definitely be missed, Gabe. You brought an intellectualism and a class (?) to Videogum that is quite rare in the snark-filled wasteland that is the blogosphere.

    Not that Kelly isn’t hilarious, mind you; she’s great! She car really bring the laffz! It seemed a little desperate that she kept turning up to work in spite of having been fired all of those times, TBH, but wuttayagunnado *shrugs*

  23. “well this is my last play date with suri”

  24. “Hayleigh, I’m starting to think Newt’s not coming back.”

  25. In space no one can hear you scream “YOU SUCK!!” at Lamar Odom.

  26. FUCK LeBron JAMES.

  27. “i got a basketball jones.” (you know, like the cat? from alien? and also the cheech & chong song? i’ll see myself out.)

  28. “Oh man, do you see that girl on the left’s hair? It’s like, get that shit under control, sister! Good god!” – Aliens

  29. More sand… for all the drooling acid.

  30. “The movie Aliens called, it wants its Alien costumes back.”

    Because kids are bad at jokes.

  31. “His farts smell like Yaphet Kotto.”

  32. Falling Skies? More like Falling THIGHS, amirite????

  33. Get away from my snacks, you bitch!

  34. “There’s nothing in the desert, and no man needs nothing.”

    “What? Ugh. Quit being an O’Toole.

  35. Something something Carlos Danger.

  36. “You’re sitting on my tail again, asshole.”

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