Before last night, I had never seen an episode of either The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. What I have seen many seasons of, though, is Burning Love, which is perfect, and it was that web series that piqued my interest in the reality TV on which it is based. But, uh, The Bachelorette is apparently a super sad nightmare! AHHHHHH! Do you guys watch this show?! WHY?! I tuned in because it was the penultimate episode of whatever season the series is currently on (256th?), which meant the lady would be going on her final fancy mega-dates. I caught a bit of one of the mega-dates which ended with the couple choosing to spend the night together in the couples suite, WHICH MEANT THEY WERE GOING TO DO IT, (though they did say it was because they wanted to look at the stars together, which was very classy, and then the man read a “poem”), and that was fine enough. They talked about how the guy had a good job prospect in Seattle (LOL) (none of the men on this show have jobs, right?) and how the lady was fine enough with moving to Seattle, whatever. But then we spent LEGITIMATELY 20 MINUTES (I think legitimately) (it felt like 1000 minutes, so I could be off) with the second man, Brooks, talking to the Michael Ian Black-from-Burning-Love host character, about how he did not want to marry the lady. “So, I’m just trying to be clear…You’re saying you don’t love [the lady]?” repeated the host about 100 times. And when he was clear, he then went on the fancy date with the lady and the last 40 minutes of the episode were devoted to A DEVASTATING NIGHTMARE BREAK UP! “I don’t know what to say to make it better,” Brooks said to the camera, over and over again, eyes red from crying, face wet with tears. The lady, through sobs, told him that she planned to choose him the entire time, and that she loved him and wanted to meet his family, and that she didn’t know what to do now. AND THIS WENT ON FOR ALMOST AN HOUR! Crying! Crying and what seemed like a real break up! IS THIS WHAT THIS SHOW IS?! Guys! Why do you watch this show?! IT MADE MY HEART HURT! PLEASE PROCEED TO THE POLL, I NEED TO KNOW YOUR ANSWER:

Do you watch The Bachelorette?

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If yes, why?

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Thank you for voting, please shield yourself from unnecessary pain!

Comments (96)
  1. My mom made me watch the Bachelor with her once and it was one of the most horrific, offensive, disgusting things I have ever witnessed.

    I have seen all seven Saw films and Salo is my favorite movie btw.

    • Also I am currently watching BridalPlasty on Netflix, but somehow the Bachelor was more offensive?

      Then again they just voted off the lady who wanted a boob job because her breasts were riddled with tumors at one point and now she wants them repaired. (They voted her off because she was the “strongest competitor”.)

    • ERIC SHOREY!! I have a legitimate and not at all accusatory (really.) question for you. what about a movie like salo is attractive to you? I have read the plot synopses of several movies like that, just riddled with horrors that are generally perceived to be the absolute worst thing ever ever EVER, and i just cannot see how that movie could be made or enjoyed by anyone. again, i am typing this with a genuinely inquisitive tone and im not at all like, “ew, you’re so gross, how can you LIKE that movie?!”
      so, in conclusion, how can you like that movie? thank you for your time!

  2. I don’t watch the Batchelor(ette), but I do watch The Soup which is kinda like a contact high.

  3. I do watch The Bachelorette! It’s terrible! But I kind of love it! Because of how terrible it is!
    I wrote my last (good) paper for grad school on The Bachelor and boy that was a great paper!
    Also, Chris Harrison is great! “Ladies, this is the final rose tonight!” No doy, Chris!
    Anyway, I haven’t seen last night’s episode but I’m assuming it’s wonderful! Do you think that guy who totally bailed will be the next Bachelor? Cause if he couldn’t love that lady, he probably needs 25 new women to pick from, amirite?
    Anyway, the show is ridiculous and it’s fun to make fun of. Also only watch it if you have the show recorded because you DO NOT want to waste 2 hours of your life watching each episode. You’re gonna want to fast-forward a BUNCH.

    • I would like to read that paper please.

    • You know why they had to do the final rose thing, right? Because some dude accidentally gave out his last rose and then went back to give another one and WHOOPS!!!! LOL! So now Chris Harrison is like “Look you dumb ass, don’t fuck it up.”

      I haven’t been watching this season, or the last few seasons, because I don’t get ABC at my house (I don’t feel like talking about it) and I’m not going to pay for cable to get it, and it’s not on Hulu. But I used to watch it all the time with my old roommate Lyle and we would lauuuuugh and lauuuuuugh and get annoyyyyyyed and annoyyyyyyed. It really is a nightmare! It is also a complete joke!

      Also I wrote my last good paper for college on The Biggest Loser, and I was so proud of that paper, but I definitely can’t watch that show.

      • All these shows need more “Look you dumb ass, don’t fuck it up” moments from the host. And eyerolling.

      • oh yeah, and there was that other time where the guy said the wrong name!!! contestants on this show are the best, you guys! I’m sorry, maybe this makes me a horrible person, but when someone’s crying in the limo and yelling, “WHO IS GONNA LOVE ME NOW???” I can’t help but laugh, especially when it’s after meeting the person once.

        • Oh man, just the idea that you would be able to go on that show and find some sort of meaningful relationship is such a joke. “I know we just spent 3/5 of our time together on a helicopter, 1/5 getting a couples massage, and the other 1/5 eating strawberries and making out in a hot tub, but I feel like we have a really deep spiritual connection and should be together forever, raising kids and discussing finances and pooping in front of each other.”

      • to be serious though, the biggest loser is kind of the best. it is like a fantasy. i want to be taken to “the ranch” after i have quit my job and then just train all the time and eat food prepared by professionals while having the workout gurus yell and me and tell me i can do stuff. (i also have seen that meme that suggests more lasting relationships have come out of the biggest loser than the bachelor and bachelorette combined). i would not qualify for the biggest loser, but i would actually not mind being on that particular reality nightmare.

    • I was an undergrad when that Joe Millionaire show was on, and I remember having the BEST discussions in one of my literature classes about it (that professor was really fun). Aw, college. I miss very specific aspects of you.

  4. I can only watch 30 minute dating shows. I highly recommend Baggage with host Jerry Springer. Usually funny, and I don’t think there is any crying.

  5. One of my twitter friends (an old coworker) both live-tweet and live-facebooks all iterations of The Bachelor/ette. And boy howdy is it the worst! Worse even then when another old coworker tweets at Boston sports management about how shitty they are at their jobs. Twitter is super fun!!!

    • My former office mate used to watch the Bachelor on hulu while she was doing data entry. She was always nice enough to listen to it through headphones, but every once in a while, I would hear her laugh or gasp, and then I had to find out what was happening. Usually it was a crisis regarding generic pretty people, but still…

  6. I’ve never watched The Bachelor(ette) but a woman from my hometown came in second place on The Bachelor when I was a senior in high school. When she came home after the show she became a substitute Spanish teacher at my school. Even then I couldn’t understand why anyone cared, but they cared SO MUCH. I watch my fair share of reality TV but I can only really handle the shows that are competitions based on talent (Project Runway, RuPaul’s Drag Race, ANTM, etc.).

    • In retrospect maybe I can’t watch dating reality shows anymore because I watched too many marathons of Next and Room Raiders in college.

      • Next and Room Raiders were the two dating shows that German MTV showed in English when I was on study abroad. Like good Americans, all of us would gather together to drink and watch them and feel homesick and superior.

        • Next is the worst show ever! And by worst I mean best! When someone walks off the bus and the person sees him/her and is instantly like “NEXT!” it’s so awful! Because it’s almost always someone who’s perfectly fine looking! Those people are just assholes! Although now that I think about it, I hope the people who got “nexted” on looks alone don’t fixate on that and develop self-esteem issues. Ugh.

          • Did anyone ever watch Fifth Wheel, I think it was called? It was on during the day for me, right along with Blind Date and Shipmates and Street Smarts (starring my boo 4 lyfe Frank Nicotero). It was like, five people got on a party bus? And they’d go on dates and after each date ended the datee had to eliminate someone until eventually there were just three people on the date? And then he picked the winner and they drove off together in the party bus while the second-place walked home in precariously high heels. Ug, maybe I’m combining it with other dating shows. Dear god, my early twenties were just hour upon wasted hour of these shows! Someone invent a time machine so I can go back and read a damn book!

          • I remember the gay NEXTers always made out with each other on the NEXT bus which probably wasn’t a good stereotype to reinforce but oh well whaddyagunnado.

          • Not ElimiDATE? That was my favorite garbage show… especially when they always found a gross place to have a spa experience or pool party with a ton of alcohol. My favorite was when one of the contestants hated the person who was choosing and would wander off and get noticeably fall-down drunk, get elimiDATED and then kind of wave their hand like they stopped caring a long time ago and fall off the barstool in the background. And they were always in Milwaukee and Indianapolis, which I found extra funny. Oh wait, maybe that was 5th Wheel.

            I auditioned for Change of Heart for an article in 2000, but then learned I couldn’t write about it right before I did the audition tape… oh well.

            And I interviewed some Bachelor in 2003 or 2004 that was from my home town and he was a giant dumb-dumb and terrible at interview questions… eventually I just asked him why the hell people from Milwaukee were always on reality shows and why do they all have that horrifying accent.. Suffice to say, he did not give me a rose that night (because the show was over and I grew hostile the more I spoke with him).

          • Maybe Fifth Wheel was just ElimiDATE on a bus?
            The closest I ever got to a reality star was seeing Hoopz in the Detroit airport parking lot when I was waiting for a non-Flava-of-Love watching friend to arrive. I immediately told her anyway and she immediately judged me based on how excited I was.

        • Oh my! I had forgotten about those MTV dating shows. Date My Mom was also usually pretty amusing.

          • Parental Control was also a classic, but it was so upsetting when the kids would choose to stay with their awful girlfriends/boyfriends.

          • parental control was fer reals the best. for some reason the awful boyfriends/girlfriends had absolutely no problem saying horrific things about their significant others parents. i don’t know about everyone else, but i have always been scared shitless about meeting a guys parents. it is always a mixture of awe and anxiety. i want them to like me and i want to impress them, but i watch what i say because old people are often taken aback by pretty normal things. and they would just be like “bitch” at the persons mother. it was like watching a traffic accident that was not going to end in death so it was actually better.

    • ANTM starts up again this week. I was about to throw in the towel on that show, but I have to watch the guys and girls season.

    • Also, I just saw the first episode of this season of Project Runway. That sustainable designer makes my head hurt, but I like Tim Gunn’s additional presence, and the closer look at the garments.

  7. Not to sound like a snob, but I don’t watch any reality tv because I think it’s garbage, and if some of it actually isn’t garbage, oh well my loss, but not really, because we are still talking about reality tv here.

    • “Not to sound like a snob” is like saying “I’m not racist but…” but without the horrible racism things after.

      You know what I mean.

      Anyway, you sound like a snob and that is OK, but reality TV is really great!

      • My fave reality show isTabitha Takes Over. She doesn’t take people’s bullshit, and she cares about improving salons and stores. Kitchen Nightmares and Hell’s Kitchen are ok.

          • YES. I saw Tabatha talk a couple of years ago, and she was amazing and beautiful and I want her to follow me around and give me tough love all the time. I also like the way she says, “Bizzz-nizzz” and “Give me your keys. I’m tah-king o-vah.”

        • i always thought it should be called “tabitha teaches people how to behave like actual real people instead of the assholes they are.” to be so honest, bravo reality teevee sets the bar too high. it is amazing.

        • I love basically all the shows that are about someone competent coming in and telling idiots how to fix their self-created messes. I even watched that cat whisperer show on Animal Planet once (yes, there is a cat whisperer show on Animal Planet. He basically comes in and says “Play with your cats, you morons!” because that is literally all the cats ever need, but he says it in a nice way).

          • Is that the guy with the plugs in his ears and all the tattoos? This message board is making me realize I have spent way too many hours watching reality tv.

          • Yep! As ridiculous as it is for someone to be a professional “cat behaviorist,” I have to admire the fact that he’s somehow made a career of going to people’s houses and telling them to play with their cats sometimes.

          • YES! I hate the cat show because every time I watch it I’m yelling out INTERACT WITH YOUR CAT, HE’S NOT A VASE.

            Also my favorite episode of Tabitha Takes Over is when she tells the froyo lady her froyo tastes bad and she should stick to a coffee shop.

          • Jackson Galaxy is someone I would be friends with in the real world. He is so calm about dumb people, it amazes me.

      • You’re both right.

      • Yup! This is my show. And it is the most wonderful thing the TV gods have ever bestowed on us.

        • it’s like project runway meets antm meets a bunch of other bravo shows all rolled into one perfect package. without this i would have never discovered latrice royale, who is the most amazing woman to be on teevee ever.

  8. i feel like we are all ignoring the absolute kind of reality dating, flava flav. not only did his show have four spin off shows (i love new york, new york does something?, a real chance at love, and charm school) but a woman actually shit on the floor and then was allowed to be a viable candidate to date a former member of public enemy.

    • absolute king…typos and such.

    • She didn’t just shit on the floor! She shit on the stairs!

      • and then her flava of love name was somethin because he said “you are definitely somethin’. ” remember hottie? she tried to cook a chicken in a microwave. it was awesome.

        • Remember how they would play a little bicycle bell sound when she blinked? What a show!!!

          • vh1 used to produce some amazing stuff, no lie. ahhh, i forgot one more spin off. i do believe buckwyld had her own show too?

          • I also used to LOVE LOVE LOVE Rock of Love which of course had Bret Michaels and there were a bunch of seasons of that. Also a terrific SNL parody. “I want to taste the inside of your mouth more”

    • TO THIS DAY I still haven’t gotten over the fact that she shit on the stairs. I still haven’t quite figured out how she did it!

      • i still haven’t quite figured out why a grown person would do something like that. i am sure there were bathrooms all over the “mansion” they lived in right? i explained this part of the show to my boyfriend one time and he refused to believe me. i had to show him the clip and we both were equally appalled. what a brilliant show.

      • Was the toilet broken? I’m pretty sure mansions have garbage cans.

  9. Miss New York might be the most gif-able reality tv star of all time other than Big Ang.

    • that was supposed to be a reply to the above thread but here we are.

      • new york had some of the most quotable quotes of any reality star. she was amazing. if you follow her twitter she has indicated something big is in the works. i can only hope that she will be back for more reality teevee awesomeness in the future.

  10. Also, I am going to take this opportunity to promote my favorite reality show of all time, Celebrity Paranormal Project. It’s on hulu, guys! It’s great!

  11. I was obsessed with “Elimidate” for a short, sad time.

  12. Isn’t The Swan coming back? That is my FAVORITE. All the weird reality shows on Fox in the early 2000s (and Elimidate and the MTV ones and 5th Wheel and Change of Heart and Studs in the 90s) were the best. I don’t care for crap like The Bachelor, but take 20 women vying for plastic surgery, starve them, train them, sequester them from all friends and family and human contact (minus the trainer) in some shithole in the Valley that doesn’t have mirrors for six months… THEN TELL HALF THEY’RE NOT PRETTY ENOUGH FOR A BEAUTY CONTEST ON FOX??? Like minutes after they see themselves for the first time since they went under the knife? That is some amazing television.

    • Oh my god, that was the actual wooooorst show. Then all of her family and friends were like “We thought you were really beautiful before, and now we don’t really recognize you or like you that much.” THANKS A LOT, YOU ASSHOLES. That was a show for such broken people all around that it was actually kind of devastating.

      • That’s what made it great. And one of the contestants looked like my then-nemesis and then, later, my then-nemesis with budget plastic surgery and terrible cheek injectibles.

        I do not understand why people go for those weird fillers and injectibles. They look so creepy! Wrinkles are so much more attractive than having cheekbones like the puppet Madam.

      • Didn’t one contestant’s toddler start crying when she tried to hold him after her transformation was revealed, because he didn’t recognize her?

    • america. fuck yeah.

  13. I watch it and I will not defend myself except to say that it is a great excuse to drink too much wine on Monday nights. Poor Desiree, that was a terrible and humiliating break up. But she is beautiful, fun, sweet and not very smart so for sure she will be able to find a husband.

  14. Yeah, I watch it.

    I guarantee you that break-up lasted three hours. EDITING!

    I normally laugh at everything that happens in that show, but that nightmare break-up hit too close to home. I had to go through a three hour break-up a few months ago. My problem? I initiated it at my house.

    Let me give the Videogum community a pro-tip: If you’re going to break-up with somebody, do it somewhere you can get up and walk away. That’s what Brooks should’ve done last night, “Sorry, can’t marry you, peace!”

    And I don’t know if this makes it better or worse, but I watch this show because it’s on ABC and I work at an ABC affiliate station. So technically, I get paid to watch it. Maybe that’s a good excuse? If that’s not, I watch it because my sister watches it and it’s sort of a sibling bonding experience. So if I do it to be a good brother, is that a good excuse? My point is, I definitely need a good excuse to watch this show. However, I do watch it for the comedy. Because if you read into it, IT’S HILARIOUS. Except last night, that was a nightmare.

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