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In an inspired field piece last night about a few people who want Long Island to secede and become its own state, Samantha Bee managed to find what I hope, no, what absolutely have to be the three biggest idiots in the “melting pot” of Long Island. They can’t name a U.S. state even when given three chances, they think the state bird should be “flippin’ the bird,” and, oh yeah, they’re homophobic, just for good measure (“You guys still got The Village. Good luck with that one.”) Presenting, the three stupidest men in the tri-state area. I hope.
(Be sure to watch ’til the 3:00 mark):
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Long Island Wants to Secede | ||||
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We all know that plenty of smart people are from Long Island, but for every Alec Baldwin there is a Stephen Baldwin.
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“Pow pow pow pow pow” while flexing my biceps will be my go-to lady-killing move from this moment forward.
haha, I like how THIS PROVES that someone actually takes that fuckin GUN SHOW pick up line seriously.
NO. FUCKIN. SHAME.
I was going to roll my eyes at the “gun show” thing since that joke is so Never-Was-Funny years ago, but he had guns tattooed on his arms. He really took his joke to the next level and I respect that. I bet he has an arrow tattoo pointing to his penis.
When he doesn’t have his shirt on, he can flex downward to show the size of his fuckin beach ball off that he lost. The beach ball tattooed on his goddamned chest.
I’m sorry, what?
SEE below
I’m sorry, bud. You just can’t catch a break.
To the HATERZ who say there are no funny women, I submit to you one Samantha Bee.
Take that, Science.
Who says that?
Christopher Hitchens
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/01/hitchens200701
Christopher Hitchens takes “ass bag” to amazing new heights of sophistry.
Hitchens thread! So what do we think about his Iranian comrade’s description of fascism in his latest Slate column?
Haven’t we already established that Slate is categorically the worst? http://videogum.com/archives/backlashes/you-continue-to-only-hurt-your_053971.html
Samantha Bee is all A’s in my book.
On second thought, you know what, no.
If you think that’s bad, stay clear of Staten Island.
Arizona State students > Long Island meatheads? Discuss.
The Harvard of date rape vs. melting pot of marinara sauce?
Please lets make this a T-shirt stat!
I don’t know man. As an Arizonian who now lives in Brooklyn and went to A&S Bagels at 5am on Sunday, I am definitely more frightened of the LI guys. Their level of hubris and manscape is out of this world.
They love Ed Hardy shirts, too.
I say, let them secede.
Then drop 100,000 soldiers in there.
No survivors.
I like how the “gun show” guy is pretending his bigass sunglasses are bangs. Cardinal Vice Dos & Don’t sin. And the dude in middle has no shoulders. It’s just a head stcking out of a stump, no chin either.
The part of me who worked at a 19th century living history village and consequently spent those years of my life watching every PBS special about anything even tangentially related to the 19th century loves the 3 minute mark. I even remember playing that song on my violin as I sat on the porch of the Paw Paw Post Office on Sunday afternoons. God, those were dark times.
samantha bee, yoose da worst! just like da gabe and lindsay says! da worst! da worst! lololololololololol!!!
I just voted that UP. Vigilante justice.
This is precisely why I want to get the fuck off Long Island as soon as possible.
Never seen that one?
Someone goes, “I’m looking for my beach ball, have you seen it? It’s about THIIIIIS BIIIIIG (flexes.”
Like this asshole:
UGH another good fail at replies. SORRY WHYAREYOUYELLING i fucked up.
If you keep explaining it, it will get funny. Promise.
I live in Seattle
I really really really love Seattle. 
wait…we understand that this was a written and acted interview, right? ha ha, guidos are retarded, duh, but yall are acting like these are actual people.
um, they clearly are actual people. i guess you’ve never been on the LIRR.