Kelly: Hello, Gabe
Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: How’s it going?
Gabe: pretty good thanks
Kelly: That’s good. How’s Birdie?
Gabe: she’s good, lazy
Gabe: she’s so stupid and lazy it makes me sick
Kelly: Whoa!
Gabe: literally cannot remember the last time she worked or even just read a book
Kelly: Have you talked to her about it?
Gabe: oh, get this
Gabe: SHE DOESN’T TALK?!
Kelly: Wow
Kelly: I mean this isn’t my place at all
Kelly: But maybe she would benefit from therapy?
Gabe: YOU LIE!
Gabe: remember that?
Gabe: from America?
Gabe: YOU LIE!
Kelly: Mmhm
Gabe: that meme didn’t have as long legs as i had hoped
Gabe: starting to regret my hasthag you lie full car decal
Gabe: that covers my whole car

Kelly: Oh eek yeah
Kelly: You should have played it safe and gotten the Woll Smoth decal like I did
Gabe: maybe i would have if i had any idea what that was
Kelly: ?!?!
Gabe: oh weird
Gabe: i have seen that one picture
Gabe: but i didn’t know it was a whole thing #mylaugh
Kelly: You lorn sormthing nor evory doy
Gabe: UNFOLLOW
Kelly: Hahaha
Kelly: Speaking of memes, have you heard the news about Ryan Gosling?!
Kelly: Gabe you are gonna be so psyched on this news
Gabe: uh oh
Gabe: it always makes me very nervous
Gabe: when you get like this
Kelly: Like what?!
Gabe: like that kid
Gabe: who put diaper cream on her brother’s face
Kelly: Like the kid who planned a nice surprise for her mom?
Kelly: I guess I do feel like that kid
Kelly: Ok, are you sitting down?
Kelly: Or do you have a standing desk
Gabe: ew
Gabe: standing desks are for assholes and donald rumsfelds

Kelly: Ok so I’m going to need you to get a chair then
Kelly: LOL
Kelly: ahahah
Kelly: jk jk jk jk jk
Gabe: :(
Gabe: you hurt my feelings!
Kelly: Aw oh no :( I’m sorry
Kelly: I know you’d never have a standing desk.
Kelly: So anyway there is a rumor going around that…
Kelly: Ryan Gosling…
Kelly: Could be playing…
Kelly: Luke Skywalker’s son in Star Wars: Episode VII
Gabe: haha
Gabe: STRICTLY 4 THE LADIIIIIIIIIIES
Kelly: 8-)
Gabe: Ryan Gosling IS Magic Luke Jr.
Gabe: that is where Star Wars Episode VII is Magic Mike but in space and a few years from now
Gabe: which admittedly is a combination that makes no sense
Gabe: and Ryan Gosling wasn’t even in Magic Mike
Gabe: but i still think it’s mildly funny to picture and I stand by my work
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: Yeah no that was good
Gabe: well, good for him
Gabe: i hope he gets the job
Kelly: Sure
Kelly: If he wants it
Kelly: If he doesn’t then I don’t hope he gets it
Gabe: very considerate of you
Kelly: ty
Gabe: i know you are just being considerate
Gabe: to try to flirt with him
Gabe: so that he notices you and likes you
Gabe: but whatever, to each her own
Kelly: No I’m just pretty empathetic, I have a lot of good qualities.

Gabe: is Ryan Gosling going to still do his fake brooklyn accent but in space now?
Gabe: and only wear white t-shirts with the sleeves rolled up?
Gabe: but in space?
Gabe: on the death ship?
Kelly: Yes and sometimes no shirt
Gabe: i hope there is a scene where Luke Jr. goes to visit Princess Leia at the space nursing home and the baby from dinosaurs pops up and shouts NOT THE MAMA and then there is a lens flare JJ Abrams
Kelly: Hahaha
Kelly: Now that you bring it up, I hope that too!
Kelly: I hope there is a scene where Luke Jr. flips on the TV and you can’t really see what it is because it’s blurry, but if you pause it you can tell it’s the original Star Wars.
Gabe: also why does he have to be luke skywalker’s SON?
Gabe: star wars came out 100 years ago
Gabe: this is a whole new cast
Gabe: with a new director
Gabe: mix it up, what is this, Dynasty?
Kelly: You have some pretty bold ideas
Gabe: or just have him play luke skywalker
Gabe: but i don’t understand why America wants to follow the Skywalker family tree until the very end
Gabe: “I’m excited to see if Luke truly provided him a better life than he had himself, as is every father’s hope!”
Kelly: Well maybe they just don’t want to think of a new last name?
Kelly: This one is already perfect
Kelly: Skywalker
Kelly: Because he is in space. If it isn’t broke don’t fix it.
Gabe: in space, no parents can understand
Gabe: GO TO YOUR SPACE ROOM, LUKE JR!
Gabe: NO HOLODESSERT UNTIL YOU FINISH YOUR WHATEVER WITH THIS JOKE YOU GET IT
Kelly: Right
Kelly: “Luke, I wish you WEREN’T my father.”
Gabe: hahahahhahaha
Gabe: who even cares about new Star Wars?
Gabe: i mean, besides people doing Star Wars themed weddings
Kelly: Which is a lot of people you have to admit
Gabe: it’s surprisingly one out of every three weddings
Gabe: #factsonly

Kelly: I don’t know, though, other than all those people. Which is why they need Ryan Gosling
Kelly: Though I do think that people almost don’t care too much about Ryan Gosling anymore.
Kelly: Maybe they can help each other
Kelly: Poor Star Wars and poor Ryan Gosling I hope they can make it work.
Gabe: ah yes, the two saddest things in show business
Gabe: Ryan Gosling and Star Wars
Gabe: they are almost the saddest stories ever told
Gabe: what i mean when i say who even cares about new star wars is more like
Gabe: obviously people can and will be interested in new star wars
Gabe: but, like, history has ALREADY proven that you might not like what you get
Gabe: Star Wars is a dicey proposition at best
Gabe: so, like, when they actually do make the movie, and the trailer comes out, then i can understand people saying “the new star wars looks pretty good” or “I am nervous about the new star wars, you guys”
Gabe: but right now?
Gabe: who cares?! it could go either way!
Kelly: To be fair, though, casting Ryan Gosling would not mean nothing for those people who are interested in the new Star Wars.
Gabe: that is a complicated sentence
Kelly: hahah
Gabe: a lot of conditional clauses in there and at least one double negative
Kelly: I just mean that it’s not like
Kelly: an on-set photo of a green screen

Gabe: right
Gabe: oh, don’t get me wrong, this ryan reynolds thing is HUGE!
Gabe: see what i did there?
Gabe: we have fun
Kelly: I’m lol’ing
Kelly: But also it is just a rumor
Kelly: And there is also an equally-as-possible rumor that Zac Efron will be in it
Kelly: So whatever
Gabe: hahahahahah
Gabe: that is a perfect encapsulation
Gabe: of what i am talking about with this star wars business
Gabe: “It could have Ryan Gosling in it, which may or may not be terrible, but you do like him, but also it could have Zac Efron in it which would probably not be good but you can imagine that happening and another option is that neither of them will be in it and PS the movie doesn’t come out for another forever. Would you hit it?”
Kelly: That’s just the world of pop culture blogging, my man
Kelly: It’s frustrating sometimes, but I still love it
Gabe: YOU LIE!

Comments (16)
  1. They should just keep the original cast, except they’re all old and retired and living in a space nursing home. They can have wacky antics, and Lea can make jokes about how Han needs to take his little blue midichlorian to put the light in his saber. Also, Luke’s son will be played by Ryan Gosling, and he will be a Very Busy Businessman who put his father in a nursing home and does not understand the value of love and family.

  2. I will have nightmares about woll smoth until I die, which, now, I can only pray will be soon.

  3. i get it, he’s pretty. but other than that i don’t get it. wasn’t he in the mickey mouse club? so hasn’t he been pretty wealthy his entire life? like, being a child star sometimes winds you up in a bad place, but then it sometimes winds you up in the most excellent of places (drew barrymore for example). am i the only one that likes my sex symbols to have a little bit of a rags to riches side? i just don’t think he would be able to cancel the apocalypse because he’s literally been an actor his entire life. i want my sex symbols to be gritty is what i am saying, gritty with british accents and to have once played stringer bell. that’s all i am saying.

    • Somehow this image is more graphic and terrifying than things I cannot unsee with Drive, probably because he’s missing half of his brain.

      • Unfortunately the visor of his car blocked the top of his head. I took some of the visor along, to give his head more head-shape, but maybe not enough. Needs more visor?

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