PLEASE CALM DOWN. If we could just have everyone return from their panic rooms — I believe the intercom system reaches the panic rooms, yes? — good — and proceed to the main hall in an orderly fashion, NO RUNNING, we’d like to make something clear about the photographs of Benedict Cumberbatch at a wedding that all of you somehow gained access to, even though we have specifically blocked “Benedict Cumberbatch + Wedding” from your Google search results. Is everyone here? Okay, good. Please stop whispering, we can hear it and it is distracting. The crying may continue, we understand it’s hard to stop once you’ve begun, but please keep loud sobs to a minimum. Now, let me project the image onto the main screen. Please stay calm, you’re all doing a great job. Okay. If you would take a moment to process what is going on in the image, rather than only processing that it is an image of Benedict Cumberbatch in a wedding scenario and going from there, you’d notice that Benedict Cumberbatch is actually standing apart from the couple. You see? Ah, there you go. What weddings have you attended where the couple getting married stood apart, huh? Not any, I’d guess! See, Benedict Cumberbatch is actually officiating the wedding of two of his friends, Seth Cummings and Rob Rinder. Ah, yes, there you go — now you see it. Nothing to worry about. The blonde lady in this image, well, who knows about her, but certainly not the two men in this wedding photograph. Please return to your rooms, there will be staff available to help you if necessary. (Image via Celebitchy.)

Comments (28)
  1. Cumbermatchmaker.

  2. Kelly, settle a bet. Is Mr. Cumberbatch reading out of the Silver Linings Cosplaybook in that picture?

  3. R those 2 men???? OMG

  4. Of course it’s not his wedding. I’m not there…

  5. I don’t know where they are, but it’s very pretty. Good job, gentlemen getting married! You have selected a lovely place that reminds me of Skyrim, but that says more about me than it does you, I am sure.

  6. Do those bare feet on the right belong to a guest, or just a sunbathing on-looker?

  7. I watched Benny C’s Top Gear episode yesterday! He was so delightful! BUT, did you know our poor Bandersnatch was once carjacked at gunpoint and made to get into the trunk of a car in the middle of the night in S. Africa? He was! That’s so scary!

  8. This infuriates me. How am I supposed to have my gay wedding top BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH OFFICIATING AN IBIZA DESTINATION WEDDING? Ugh. We are a competitive people, us gays.

    Also I don’t have a location or officiant or a fiance or a boyfriend so this is really unjustified anger.

  9. I am having kind of a bad day at work and saw this and got really sad that my secret imaginary bf might have gone behind my back and gotten married … but now that I know that’s not true there is no more reason to panic.

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