This is great. A bunch of elementary school kids in Brooklyn gathered in the auditorium to watch the Jonas Brothers movie (for education, mostly) and instead they got the Boners Brothers Movie (or some variation on the Boners Brothers). From UPI (via ONTD):

A hardcore pornographic movie was accidentally screened at PS 17 in Brooklyn, N.Y., school officials said.

Students from five classes at the school had assembled to watch “Camp Rock,” a Disney Channel movie starring the Jonas Brothers, but after a teacher powered up the DVD player and walked away to get the Disney movie, a skin flick began to play, the New York Post reported Sunday.

KABOOOM! JONAS BROTHERS SEX BOMB UP INTO YOUR TINY UNSUSPECTING FACE! This must have been really embarrassing for the teachers, to have everyone find out that they were showing their kids the Jonas Brothers movie instead of fucking teaching them anything. They were all out back behind the dumpsters getting ready for two hours of headache-free cigarette smoking and the liberal use of swear words when someone came out and was like “You guys, we goofed,” and they were all like “fuuuuuuck.”

How old were the kids? Were some of them as young as five years old?

The students, some as young as 5-years-old, were exposed to 45-seconds of sex acts in the incident late last month, the newspaper said.

“My son told his friend he saw a naked lady at school,” said Rona Easton, whose 6-year-old son, Cass, viewed the snippet with his kindergarten class. “I thought he was just being silly. It’s appalling.”

Principal Robert Marchi sent home a letter to parents the day of the incident.

“A very explicit pornographic video came on the screen,” Marchi wrote. “This was extremely upsetting to the students and staff members in attendance. … I am deeply sorry that this episode took place at PS 17. I know that we will make every effort to find out who was responsible for this despicable act.”

45 Seconds of Sex Acts is the name of my new album. Man, this story is the best. I really hope that if I am ever a parent I don’t lose sight of how hilarious this is. I’d hate to be one of those parents who’s constantly worried about their child’s well-being and healthy development to the point that I forget what is such a funny and classic mix up.

Comments (43)
  1. That may be the most unsettling progression of tags I’ve ever seen.

  2. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  3. Oh man, the Jonas Brothers are gonna be so pissed, they hate sex acts!

  4. Possible names for this Boner Brothers movie.

    And GO.

  5. bone-us jonas

  6. ps 17? more like NC17! yeah!…. no?

  7. camp rock–> (obviously) “ramped cock”

  8. 45 seconds is so much time! The Jonas Brothers aren’t into bukakke, teachers, hit the “stop” button.

    • A transcript of the principal and vice principal’s dialogue in those 45 seconds:
      “Huh, this looks pretty cheap for a Disney movie. They must be cutting costs.”
      “That woman with the uniform must be the camp counselor.”
      “Wow, you can sure get away with a lot of cleavage in a G-rated movie these days, huh?”
      “This guy is a Jonas brother? I thought they were younger…”
      “Well, the stripping must be a set up for the water polo scene.”
      “That’s certainly a large cock for a sixteen-year old, Ms. Mathis”
      “I had no idea there was so much sucking and fucking in Disney movies nowadays.”
      “That’s quite a purity load. No wonder the kids love this.”
      “You know, I’m not sure this is the Jonas Brothers movie.”
      “What makes you say that?”

  9. Sorry, I have to ask this question: Why was there a porno in the DVD player to begin with? Who brings porno DVDs to school?

  10. It was the last week of school (probably). I know that when you were in elementary school way back in the 17th century, Gabe, your recess consisted of killing your own dinner, but sometimes you just gotta wait out the clock.

  11. I just want to know what happened after the first 15 seconds!

    Were the controls all the way at the other end of the room and the staff had to run to the DVD player? Did they press play, walk outside and forget about it until they heard porn-synth coming from the auditorium? Did a kid have to run out and inform the staff of the error? Who knows, who knows!

    • I don’t know man, the same thing happened to me while I was doing a presentation in 11th grade in my ethics class (in a Catholic, Opus Dei, non co-ed school) and we decided to show some videos to make the presentation go down easier (TWSS). The thing is, I didn’t watch the videos beforehand and oh surprise, “Beer Bong Trick” comes on and it lasted foreveeeeer. Alt f4 didn’t work, nothing worked, and it looked like it lasted an eternity before we got to shut it down. At first NO ONE understood what the fuck they were watching, not even the teacher, because really, you would never expect it. But when they finally did, all hell broke loose. Ha.

  12. This is the kind of thing that used to annoy me in school, the assumption that everyone actually WANTS to see a Jonas Brothers movie or a Remember the Titans. I know you can’t please everybody, but you also shouldn’t force everybody to watch Disney’s Civil Rights Football High School.

  13. Ray  |   Posted on Jun 15th, 2009 +6

    Camp cock.

  14. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  15. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  16. *waits eagerly for An American Patriot??**

  17. porn flicks sure don’t waste any time getting to the good parts nowadays, do they?

    i call attention-seeking parental bs on how much adult content was actually seen by the kids.

    • Seriously. Not that I watch much porno (depending on how you define much) but I can pretty much gaurantee that this one was still in “plot” development mode, and not into hardcore dirty sanchez, ass-to-mouth, double penetration, pussy juice cocktail, rimjob, and facial territory.

      • My perverted brother told me that a lot of these modern pornographic filmstrips feature a kind of montage of highlights from the film under the opening credits, so it’s very possible that those kids really got an eyeful in those 45 seconds. In fact, he says that often he really only needs that first 45 seconds to do whatever awful thing he does when he watches that smut. I wouldn’t know because I’ve never seen one of those awful, disgusting films. What is pornography anyway? Is it anything like Marty Stouffer’s Wild America? Because I watched a lot of that when I was a child and I turned out fine.

    • Maybe it started playing from where the principal left off.

      I really want it to be the principal.

  18. Reminds me of that time my theatre accidentally threw on “Men In Black (Who Like To Have Sex With Each Other).”

    Should have known after I saw Don Rickles was managing the joint.

    • “Look, an alien.”
      “Yeah, we better have sex with each other.”
      “Hey, this alien looks just like a hot guy.”
      “You’re right, we better have sex with it.”

  19. Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.

  20. picturing a bunch of chain-smoking elementary school teachers outside when someone came out and so appropriately said “you guys, we goofed” may very well be the funniest image ever. respek, gabe.

  21. So the kiddies were thrown right into the act within 45 seconds of the start.

    Gosh, guess there’s no time for foreplay or character development in today’s day and age.

    Shame on you porno screenwriters!

    • That’s what I thought!

      45 seconds of “Sex Acts” give or take 10 seconds of “Is this or is this not the Jonas Bros. movie?” give or take 5 seconds of “Actually what I am watching right now should be considered a Sex Act” equals the least creative porn DVD ever. No titles? No contextualizing long shots? No dialogue at all? Just a naked lady? Can I assume the film was from the 1940s?

  22. Pssh 45 secs of sex act. Big deal. Try having to live through the stigma of your Catholic high school being busted for a prostitution ring and constant drug busts. Yep, it was hard knock life.

  23. Sounds like someone at the video store has a sense of humor.

  24. What if we changed our name to the Donut Brothers?

  25. at least it wasn’t ‘the room’ or something comparably mind-melting.

  26. I also like how that picture of the Jonas Brothers sums up their views on sex. They don’t want hear it, they don’t want to see it and they certainly don’t want it in their mouths…

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.