Kirk Cameron, the star of Left Behind: World At War, and the creative mind behind films like Fireproof and Monumental has a new movie out called Unstoppable, and all he wants to do is share the gospel of his new movie with the good Christians of the world. Naturally. As God intended him to do. But the devil’s Facebook blocked any link, trailer embed, or mention of his film! At least according to Defamer! And also according to Kirk Cameron himself via his Facebook page! He claimed that his trailer was being flagged as inappropriate and spam, which suggests a 4chan style web community effort to troll Kirk Cameron’s new movie, but as the law of Occam’s Razor reminds us, the simplest answer is most often the correct answer, and so the Facebook ban must have been personally handed down by Mark Zuckerberg himself in a sinful attempt to crush the Christian spirit of America! (The ban has been lifted, but that is only because the power of the Lord cannot be stopped by a firewall or a capthca. The Lord is 1.0. #Amen.) Anyways, here is the Kirk Cameron movie trailer that Facebook didn’t want you to see.

Poor Kirk Cameron. I’m serious. All he wants is to lead a good and meaningful life and to make the world a better place. That’s what he wants! It’s better than what I want, which is an infinite number of wishes, a recurring guest starring arc on New Girl, a mansion where the floors are all bouncy castle floors, and a date with Freida Pinto. (That’s all, though, I don’t think my demands are unreasoanble.) Now, Kirk Cameron’s fundamental problem stems from the fact that he has latched onto the most retrograde brand of evangelical Christianity which subscribes to a foundational belief system that does the exact opposite of making the world a better place. It denies climate change and promotes the decidedly un-Christian idea that some of “God’s creatures” are indeed less valuable than others. So that’s a larger, and ultimately more fundamental problem for Kirk Cameron.

But on a more immediate and one assumes visceral level for him, poor Kirk Cameron looks at his desire to be a good person and make the world a better place through the lens of embracing one’s skill set and one’s knowledge base and working from there. You start with what you are good at, and you try to find a way to use what you are already good at to achieve your goals. That’s nice! But all Kirk Cameron is good at is feeling comfortable saying stupid things in front of a camera. And so it is the exact skill set that Kirk Cameron brings to the table that keeps his goals forever out of reach (I mean, that and the backwards ideas about gays and science). He becomes a punching bag for the media and a punchline for the Internet and no one shows up to his birthday.

The question of why God allows bad things to happen to good people is a totally interesting and valid question to wrestle with. Even if you don’t believe in God! (The simple answer of “because She doesn’t exist” doesn’t actually answer the question. Even if you are an atheist or agnostic, you understand the concept of God, and you understand that people believe in God, and working within that framework makes it a very interesting and curious puzzle. Grow up.) But holy moly, the idea of watching Kirk Cameron wrestle with that question while some parody of the True Blood opening credits starring Adam and Eve plays in the background really makes you hate Hebrew School all over again.

And so it is.

Comments (33)
  1. SOMEHOW I have trouble believing that Kirk Cameron is going to definitively answer the question “Why do bad things happen to good people?”

  2. More like, Kirk C’mon!

  3. maybe kirk camron’s just going through some growing pains

  4. Nobody Shows Up To Kirk Cameron’s Birthday Party Comment Thread I love you. Love is forever fan love you.

  5. Hey Kirk Cameron:

    Worry about yourself.

  6. SeriousGum time! So I spent some time at this place called L’Abri in Southboro MA. It’s a little hard to describe, it’s like a place of Christian learning where you live in community and work and spend time in tutoring and studying, and it’s pretty much Narnia. I was having a particularly bad year, and was probably in my lowest state, and for the first time in my faith, was genuinely angry and doubtful. What I encountered was basically the EXACT opposite of this “I’m gonna settle this score once and for all!” My tutor listened to my “story” (LOL) and just said “Yeah, your life is absurd.” and I was like “THANK YOU! WHAT?!” It was hugely liberating to be told, and demonstrated Biblically, that God is very hard to understand, and that we have the room to be confused and hurt.

    All that to say, as a Christian, it’s very hard to see the likes of Kirk Cameron, not because he’s a social embarrassment (Jesus was a huge social embarrassment) but because he has missed the point of humility, quiet reconciliation, and the moral imperative of surrender and friendship with “the distinct other.”

    • You had me at “Narnia.” Alas, I cannot allow my hopes to ascend too highly as I suspect that the Talking Beasts contained in this L’Abri will prove to be anamatronomonical…? Filled with machine parts, I mean. Chuck E Cheese wounded my spirits too deeply to allow for an excess of optimism in this regard. But I am happy that it was a convincing enough facsimile for you and that it brought you some peace of mind. You have been upward thumbed by me.

  7. “Here is the Kirk Cameron movie trailer that Facebook didn’t want you to see.”
    Facebook, I’m sorry. I’ve talked a lot of smack about you. But it seems you had my best interests at heart. Forgivesies?

  8. When slightly frustrating things happen to extremely annoying people.


  10. are these the pains of growing up in the facebook generation? *ducks pie*

  11. The video is private. Now even Kirk Cameron is stopping Kirk Cameron.

    • That time it was actually God’s will. He was like, “OK, Kirk, that’s quite enough. Jesus, how do you block a youtube?”

      • Then Jesus had to go to God’s computer and explain how it works. Dads.

        • “Dad, you have over 1000000000000 unanswered prayer requests in your inbox. You’ve got to keep up with this stuff.”

          “I forgot my password.”

          • “Why are so many people ‘liking’ me? Didn’t they remember I gave most of them the plague a while back? Oh now I remember my password. It’s Sharknado! I remember because that’s an idea I’ve been saving up for a while.”
            “Dad, you just saw that on SyFy this week.”
            “You’ve gotta be kidding me?!”

          • “Dad, you keep tweeting, “I am that I am.” It was funny at first, but honestly people are getting kind of annoyed by it at this point.”

          • “But…that’s my name.”
            “Dad, it’s getting to the point that Buzzfeed wrote an article about you called ‘Who owns these tweets, God or Kanye?’.”
            “Ugh, I hope he knows I’m pissed off at him. After the Kardashian girl comes the boils.”

          • Just realizing my jokes are like stuff that didn’t make it into the final draft of Evan Almighty.

  12. Haha, the video is set to private now. What does that even mean, except that Kirk is not the best at getting the word out!

    You know, there’s a weird tendency shared by a lot of people who really want to think of themselves as Christians: They also love seeing themselves as persecuted. Kirk’s “Facebook shut me down” is one example, but listen to any talk radio or watch the news for 6 minutes during a presidential campaign — heck, just let Christmas roll around and you’ll hear about “The War On Christmas” and how Christians are “the most oppressed people in America.” It is obviously insane. But somehow in a country where Christianity is undoubtedly THE majority religion and EVERYONE HAS CHRISTMAS OFF AND ALL THE STORES CATER TO YOUR RELIGIOUS CALENDAR, they act like they are being thrown to the lions. It’s so spectacularly dumb that I wish there would be a war on Christmas just so they could see the difference.

    “Oh shit. We had it so good, now we have to admit there was no war before. Now we’re interred in this treeless camp for 12 days where every dawn they blare Hitchens speeches out of loudspeakers and if we try to exchange gifts — so much as button, a hairpin, a kind look — they beat us with a copy of The Origin of the Species wrapped in a sock. O, martyrdom!”

    • Right! Like, OH NO THEY MADE FUN OF JESUS ON FAMILY GUY! Everyone hates me…

      Meanwhile, in Burma, the Chin state is undergoing active ethnocide with deliberate attacks on the Christian church system in the area featuring rapes, extrajudicial executions, beatings and resource exploitation by the Burmese military.


    • Oh man and Sarah Palin and her million shotguns go all out until she is impaled on the antlers of a very evolutionist moose.

  13. Gabe! My soon to be sister-in-law looks exactly like Frieda Pinto! Aaand she’s a paediatric cardiologist! And she’s my age :(

  14. Very nice..

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