“First off I want to say thank you for not running away from me. You wouldn’t believe the nerve of some people I come across. They move away from me, screaming, as if I’m trying to threaten them? Or something? It’s like yeah, I WILL sting you, probably, but right now I’m just trying to chill, man! Relaaaaaax. Take a mondo dose of chill pills and meet me by the pool, you know? Like, at the very least just sit still. Whatever, dude, I’m not going to let people like that bother me. I just wanted to give you a quick shout-out to thank you for inviting me to your BBQ and for letting your chill girlfriend hold me on a rock or something for a while. That was nice, man. It’s been a long time since I’ve actually felt invited anywhere — or at least, anywhere where some dummy in a bee suit wasn’t trying to take advantage of me. You know? Hah. It was really cool. I’m sorry I couldn’t talk (I’m a bee), but I want to let you know that the high-five was on purpose. I really meant it. You’re a cool dude, never change.” -Bee


GET AWAY FROM THAT BEE! HOW ARE YOU SO CALM AROUND A BEE?! (PS: “Hello bee!” is adorable.) (Via Gawker.)

Comments (36)
  1. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  2. Wouldn’t that be a High One?

  3. Ugh that voice

  4. Fuck yeah, Cool Bee!

  5. Last week a bee landed on my shirt because there was a big orange and yellow graphic and somehow I didn’t freak out. I just let him walk around until he felt sure it wasn’t a flower. He was disappointed, but also glad I didn’t rush him because it would have been embarrassing if he led the whole hive back and they were like, “Doofus, this is a SHIRT.” So, we had a nice visit and I’ve thought about him, off and on, ever since.

    Good story, hotspur.

    • I had a comment, it disappeared. It was about how your story was good. But I was glad it wasn’t about butterflies landing on you because they’re evil. It was a good comment, I miss it.

      • I’m sure it was the best comment. In 1st grade I had just moved to a new school when some butterfly farmer or something visited. She brought like 100 monarch butterflies inside a net-house, and one person from every class was called at random to hold one of the butterflies. I was super excited that I got called! But also felt weird because I’d only been at the school for a few weeks, so had I really earned it? But anyway this lady went down the row of us Chosen Ones handing out butterflies. The butterflies had a little piece of paper attached to their wings, which you could pinch. So I pinched mine, very lightly as instructed, and then she told us all to place the butterfly on our finger and let it sit, but don’t let go of the pinch-paper. Well, okay, as soon as I put my finger under the butterfly, IT GRABBED ON WITH ITS THREE DOZEN EVIL, STICKY, SUCTIONING FEET.

        I was so startled I let go and shook my hand. The butterfly flew off. It flew straight up to the light fixtures of the gym, and there it stayed. I went and told the lady that mine got away, thinking she’d say, A) Don’t worry, we have a pole we can get it down with, or B) Don’t worry, we’ll put out some food and it will come down on its own, or C) Don’t worry, it’s just a fucking bug and we have, like, a whole case of them. Which did she say?

        She said D) “I told you not to let it go. If you were going to let it go, you had no business being here.” And she frowned the meanest frown of any lady ever.

        “Maybe you could put out food–” I stammered, and she said, “No. It’s going to die now, and that’s your fault.”

        This is a true story. Never forget.

  6. Poor bee. Stop harassing him, stoner guy! We need honey!

  7. “Could he BEE any more chill?” –Chandler

  8. I think it’s sitting on a potato. You know, how bees do.

  9. Bees don’t want to hurt you, especially bumblebees. Bees pollinate most of the plants that we eat. We need to save the bees. I am planting stuff this week that will attract more bees. Also, we need to make Monsanto an illegal company in these United States because their GMO crap is hurting my friends, the bees.

    I will now get off my bee hive and go eat some honey.

    • YEAH BADIDEAJEANS!!

      You’re from Portland, right?
      That’s where I live and our attitudes are very similar. Monsanto is the worst and I was happy to see that some Oregonians recently set fire to a huge crop of GMO sugar beets (which is NOT ecoterrorism because who cares about property damage).
      The poor bees :( Though I have seen many in my yard since I planted some nice flowers. I always give them little bee blessings when I see them. You go, bee! You’re still alive. You can do it.
      You’re welcome for planting nice flowers, bees. Thank you for making human agriculture possible!
      Sorry some people kill you ON PURPOSE which is an outrage because millions of you are dying because pesticides and antibiotics.
      : , , , (

      Something like 150,000 bees recently died in a Target parking lot in Wilsonville because pesticides. A tragedy close to home…

    • Bees are cool and might not want to hurt people but they’re still menacing. If you’re in a crowded room and a bee shows up, everyone gets nervous.

  10. Soooo cute. Maybe too cute?? I’m not scared of bumblebees, guys. They’re very chill. Only wasps are out to get you.

  11. THis reminds me of the times my mother, the catholic, sent me to Baptist Bible camp down the street just to get me out of the house in the summer. I made this stupid door stop that had a bee on it and said “Bee Like Jesus.”

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.