Now, be nice. Do you remember when you were the new humanoid robot in the group? How did it feel when the other humanoid robots picked on you? Not good, I bet. I’m sure you were at least able to react in a way that mimicked the recognition of an uncomfortable situation, though true emotions were not felt. (OR WERE THEY?) You all have a lot in common with ATLAS! Why don’t you focus on that instead of your differences? For example, you can all walk up stairs. You can run at a pace that makes the more nervous of the humans uncomfortable. You can walk on different types of surfaces and maneuver obstacle courses. You all look like you’re a little bit too big! Like maybe we shouldn’t be making humanoid robots this big? We’re making them bigger than humans. Maybe make them smaller than humans, to give humans some sort of advantage? Ahhh, in any case. You’re all going to have a lot of fun together, I’m sure. Make a lot of memories. One day you’ll look back and wish you could return to this moment, just to re-live all of the fun of your early humanoid robot days. So, here he is! ATLAS!

Hello, ATLAS! It’s nice to meet you! You look so strong and agile! Please remain under the control of sensible humans LOL! Haha, don’t go crazy and murder humans and then take over the world in a less empathetic version of Planet of the Apes haaaaaaa. LOL. No, I kid. You’re great. Again, it’s super nice to meet you. Don’t control Earth, ahah.

Comments (6)
  1. You think they would’ve tried a little harder to make it shrug.

  2. Hmm. Not sassy enough to be my robot butler/sidekick.

  3. I dunno, dude can’t even handle stepping on a 2×4. I’m doubting he has it in him to take over the world. However, I did forget how terrifying as shit Petman was. SEE YOU IN HELL, PETMAN.

  4. They should have had ATLAS pick out the font, maybe it would have been more readable!

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