Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe:hey, kelly!
Kelly: NM man just trying to stay cool and drinking an iced coffee!
Gabe: great to hear from you, man
Kelly: What’s up with you???
Gabe: i’m fine, just drinking a glass of water, since we’re talking about drinks
Gabe: it’s important 3 stay hydrated LOL
Kelly: Oh nice that’s def true
Kelly: Especially in the summertime
Gabe: 3 sure
Gabe: 3 sure
Kelly: So did you watch The View yesterday?
Gabe: of course i did
Gabe: no, i did not
Kelly: Hahah I did actually
Gabe: i used to watch it sometimes
Gabe: i like HOT TOPICS
Kelly: Yeah definitely
Kelly: Who doesn’t
Gabe: that show is actually a pretty good comedy
Gabe: just five clowns talking about things they don’t know anything about
Gabe: they should start a podcast

Kelly: Hahaha
Kelly: There was actually one genuinely kind of funny moment
Kelly: Where they watched the clip of Dustin Hoffman that’s going around
Gabe: yes, that i have seen
Kelly: And Joy Behar said, “Uh, why is he crying?”
Kelly: That was the end of the funny moment
Kelly: But it wasn’t bad
Gabe: haha ugh, Joy
Kelly: But it wasn’t bad
Gabe: i like Joy Behar fine, but if SHE is your “voice of reason”
Kelly: hahahah
Kelly: Man you are nailing it!
Gabe: maybe you had to be there
Gabe: in Joy Behar’s head
Gabe: for the hilarity of that moment to translate?
Kelly: That could be it
Gabe: well, thanks for telling me about a very funny moment
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: and stay hydrated out there
Kelly: You’re welcome, talk to you tomorrow
Kelly: Is because it was Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s last day
Kelly: V. important moment in TV history
Gabe: right
Gabe: that was why Dustin Hoffman was crying?
Gabe: actual question: did she tell viewers she was leaving ahead of time? or was her announcement also her last day?
Gabe: asking for a friend
Kelly: From what I could tell, her announcement was also her last day. Though I think if you read the Internet you knew that it was going to be her last
Kelly: I think the info was out there
Gabe: weird
Gabe: i guess it makes sense
Gabe: there’s no parade to schedule
Gabe: for Hasslebeck’s last day on The View
Gabe: don’t let the HOT TOPICS hit you in the bottom on your way out
Gabe: so to speak
Kelly: It’s funny you say that because Barbara Walters kept talking about her bottom
Gabe: ?
Kelly: She kept being like, “who’s bottom am I going to push now” or something
Kelly: And talking about how she has a very nice body?
Kelly: There is a lot going on on The View
Gabe: clearly

Gabe: who is your favorite on The View?
Kelly: Hmmmmm
Kelly: Sherri Shepherd
Gabe: gross
Gabe: you’re fired
Kelly: Why who’s your favorite?
Gabe: Barbara, duh
Gabe: HBIC
Gabe: hahhahahahah
Kelly: Ugh I KNEW you were going to say Barbara
Gabe: you like the lady
Gabe: who thinks maybe the world IS flat
Gabe: there is no way for us to know
Kelly: Hahaha
Gabe: and who also said god was great
Gabe: for saving her
Gabe: from the indonesian tsunami that killed 300,000 people god didn’t like as much as her
Gabe: and allowed her to come back from her tropical vacation
Gabe: ahead of time
Kelly: Yes, she is my favorite one
Gabe: yes, and that is why you are fired
Kelly: #godisgreat
Gabe: #mylaugh
Kelly: hahahhhhhhh
Gabe: #factsonly
Kelly: Ugh #mylaugh and #factsonly
Kelly: the best
Gabe: i wonder which former reality show contestant with completely disengaged knee-jerk conservative values and a tight bod they will hire to fill Hasselbeck’s tiny shoes
Kelly: Does Irene from Real World: Seattle count?

Kelly: Irene and Stephen can both take the spot
Gabe: hahahaha
Gabe: she’s got lyme disease!
Kelly: She will provide a very important voice when discussing lyme disease
Gabe: i guess on the one hand, she could help bring awareness to lyme disease
Kelly: mhmm
Gabe: but what if she dies on air because of lyme disease?
Gabe: i don’t actually know that much about lyme disease
Gabe: but i do feel like there are people with a little more hosting experience and a little less lyme disease to choose from
Kelly: Hmmm
Kelly: Stacey Dash from Clueless is conservative for some reason, she could do it
Kelly: Victoria Jackson
Kelly: AH!
Kelly: Hahahah can you imagine ahhh what a nightmare
Kelly: That is very good, though
Gabe: the only problem with her is that i feel like
the ukulele would get on B’s nerves
Kelly: that’s prob true
Gabe: a number of years ago, my then-roommate Glenn and I
Gabe: recorded audition videos for The View in our Queens living room
Gabe: because The View was looking for guest hosts
Gabe: and Glenn was a big fan of The View, so he made us tape auditions
Gabe: so, there is always me or Glenn
Kelly: Hahah
Kelly: Do you still have your audition vids???
Gabe: probably somewhere, yeah
Gabe: for my Presidential Library
Kelly: Oh sure
Gabe: all I remmeber is that I asked Glenn very gentle, flattering questions
Gabe: and he hit me with nothing but hardballs TWSS
Gabe: but seriously, he was like, “What even makes you think you’d be good for The View?”
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: Damnit Glenn
Gabe: but it’s exactly the way i was able to hold up under that pressure
Gabe: that shows I could hang with these ladies
Kelly: Wow, so he really did you a favor, kind of
Gabe: and offer my opinions on diet fads and celebrating Lisa Rinna’s birthday
Kelly: So I guess you are the one, then?
Kelly: You are who should replace Elisabeth
Gabe: the prophecy is true
Kelly: For the record I was pulling for Stacey Dash but I do think that this is a better decision
Gabe: thank you 3 your support
Kelly: netime g
Kelly: Remember to never back down when fighting about what you believe in
Kelly: JK you won’t have a problem with that
Kelly: Ur gonna be great
Kelly: #factsonly
Gabe: #mylaugh

Comments (22)
  1. 2007 Miss Teen South Carolina Caitlin Upton please!

    • Big leap of faith that you guys know what this is.


  2. KCC, y’all.

  3. Story Time!!!

    When I was like 11, I was obsessed with Survivor. Both my older sisters and my dad really liked Friends, but since I was the only one who knew how to program the VCR to record, I would always make them record Friends and watch Survivor. During Season 2, I loooooovvvveeedddd Elisabeth. She was besties with the adorable old guy!! I wanted her to win so bad and I was totally devastated when she was voted out. I even had a Sims character based on her, who I might add, was awesome and had all the skills and a kick-ass job. They were happy times…

    Flash forward 4 years and I keep hearing about Elisabeth on the View and how she is a human made of garbage who says garbage things and makes me want to Citizen’s arrest her vagina. I come to find out that this is the same Elisabeth who I had been so enamored of as a young’en. It tainted all my memories of my happy Survivor obsession. I eventually murdered my Sims character because I could no longer stand playing that character, therefor undoing COUNTLESS hours of Sims playing. It was a sad day.

    TL;DR Elisabeth Hasselbeck ruins childhoods (specifically mine).

    • I also loved Elisabeth when she was on Survivor and I have the same memory of being so touched that she was buddies with the old guy! I was always too ashamed to admit it so thank you for showing me that I am not alone in my disgrace.

    • ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I had no idea that’s who she is!

      P.S. Colby should have won. I had a high school teacher who dated him when she was younger, and she agreed.

      • When someone told me that, I legitimately did not understand what they were trying to tell me. I was like “what, no, that Elisabeth was on Survivor, that’s not the same person.” Finding out it was in fact the same person completely blew my mind.

        And yes, Colby should have won. In Sims world, he was married to Elisabeth and almost as cool. He helped me mourn her passing.

    • Ruins childhood, but pretty much singlehandedly writes amazing coming of age story of OUR GENERATION…

      • just to clarify*, Cassie, YOUR story is the coming of age tale of our day, Sims, a reality star who crosses into real celebrity, divisive politics destroying young dreams. It’s got everything.

        *I didn’t want to run the risk that E.H. had written a coming of age story with horrible fundamo-jingoistic tones and Ithat people thought I was plugging it…

  4. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand out next co-host is…

  5. I made it to the part of the conversation about Irene from the Real World and now all I want to know is whatever happened to Irene? I mean she got slapped and then took a taxi out of Seattle and out of my life.

  6. David Hasselhoff.

  7. I heard Star Jones is looking for work.

  8. I wanted to push this woman off a cliff ever since she said the reason for the Sandy Hook shooting was the lack of prayer in public schools.

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