You: Oh, hey! Hey, Leo!
Leonardo DiCaprio: Oh heyyyy, I almost missed you!
You: I know, man, you were really zooming on that Citi Bike!
Leonardo DiCaprio: Hah, zooming?
You: Haha I guess that is a weird thing to say. You were riding fast, though. Where’s your helmet?
Leonardo DiCaprio: Uh-oh.
You: Uh-oh’s right! I caught you! You know that’s not safe, man. Like I see you’re smoking that E-Cigarette and that’s a step in the right direction, for sure, but not having lung cancer isn’t going to safe you from getting doored and breaking your skull all over the pavement.
Leonardo DiCaprio: Jeeze, you’re such a buzzkill.
You: I’m just trying to look out for you.
Leonardo DiCaprio: I know, I know. I appreciate it, really. I promise I’ll try to keep a helmet on me when I think I’m going to use a Citi Bike.
You: How is that, anyway?
Leonardo DiCaprio: How is what?
You: Using Citi Bikes. I haven’t tried it yet.
Leonardo DiCaprio: Oh, it’s great. It’s really easy, I like the system a lot.
You: Cool!
Leonardo DiCaprio: Yeah. Cool, man.
You: All right, well–
Leonardo DiCaprio: Well, I guess I’ll get going.
You: Cool.
Leonardo DiCaprio: Talk to you later, man!
You: Later!

Comments (38)
  1. I heard some guy used a citibike for that naked bike tour thing. That is all.

  2. Leo D starring in Biketanic.

  3. It’s only a matter of time before we see the Pussy Posse biking through Central Park.

  4. There are four reasons I haven’t used a Citi Bike yet:

    1. Skirts
    2. Cycling ten blocks instead of walking them doesn’t sound cost effective
    3. Sweat
    4. No helmet :(

    • It’s not meant to be a rental bike, (just a temporary alternative to the subway or bus, but that’s not clearly advertised (outside of the website). So tourists are complaining about being ripped off.

      • The difference between tourist rates and yearly rates certainly mean that daily or hourly riders are subsidizing the regulars (like me!), but that just feels like an appropriate microcosm of NYC economics…

        • Yeah, the subway works pretty much the same way.

        • The thing is that they charge by the hour, and even the website says if you want to rent an all-day or half-day bike to go someplace else. But I don’t use bikes in Manhattan because I don’t have a death wish. The streets are a scary place with maniac drivers and pedestrians who think red and green lights are the same.

      • In fairness, most tourists come from places that are cheaper than New York, so it is probably just one more thing they are complaining about the price of while there.

        I had a similar experience with friends from Mississippi who visited me in Los Angeles. They blew a gasket and went all-out meltdown because omelets were nine dollars. That is practically free in LA (“They’re giving away omelets!” — hotspur) but apparently in Mississippi omelets cost, like, one dollar, and only slick charlatans charge more.

    • For no. 1, I suggest my good friend leggings. Keeping my modesty intact since 2010! (Before that I was clearly a harlot)

    • But #1 has nothing to do with Citibikes specifically…so do you not bike at all just because of skirts?? A longer/a-line or flowing skirt will usually stay down or you can sit on it/tuck it, there’s always tights or leggings of course, even tighter skirts of a reasonable length IMO you can’t see straight up (your thighs are fairly close together)….and I guess if you are wearing a very short skirt then maybe that day you just don’t ride the bike or maybe put on some pants for a day?

      Skirts are great, but so are bikes! You can do it!

      • I just don’t bike when I’m wearing a skirt because, I don’t know, that’s how I was … raised? (Not really. I don’t have a good reason.) But I also don’t wear a skirt particularly often, and I haven’t been on a bike that wasn’t stationary since I moved here last July. STORIES WITH CHRISTY.

        • Sounds like bikescuses with Christy to me. :) If you are in NYC and I am assuming you are a lady you should wade into riding by joining a WEBike ride (Women Empowered by cycling). They are really fun and very beginner friendly and for ladies only, so skirts welcome!

  5. Citibikes and e-cigarettes are our generation’s stilts and pasta.

  6. Does this mean Stephen Dorf is on the Pussy Posse?

  7. For serious, though, I really wish people would wear helmets when they ride bikes around the city. I drive around a lot for work, and it’s really nerve-wracking to be on a busy street full of cyclists who are taking absolutely zero safety precautions. I don’t want to hit you with my car, but sometimes accidents happen. That’s why they’re called accidents!

    In conclusion: be safe out there, guys!

    • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

      • Well, that was an unnecessarily aggressive response. You just called me a bratty 5 year old!

        Listen – when a bike is moving through heavy traffic, it’s entirely possible that it will come in contact with a car and – get this – it may not even be the driver’s fault! If some other maniac swerves in front of me and I move to avoid him, there may not be a whole lot I can do about it. So even if you just get bumped and knocked off the bike by a driver who is behaving in a wholly responsible fashion, you might hit your head really hard on the ground. And I really, really don’t want bikers to suffer head injuries.

        And really, if you’re not wearing a helmet, you should get a ticket. Just like I should get a ticket if I’m texting and eating while I’m driving. We should maybe all act responsibly, and if you’re not wearing a helmet, you’re not acting responsibly.

        • I bet most injuries (or at least most severe injuries) in car vs car accidents or in car vs pedestrian accidents are head traumas. I know for a fact that NASCAR and INDY car drivers wear helmets. I also know that if you hit your head on the steering wheel or the driver’s side window, you’ll be in terrible trouble, and if you’re thrown from the vehicle your head will likely splatter all over whatever you strike. Add to that the almost certain fact that more automobile drivers and passengers sustain head injuries annually than bike riders, and I wonder… Should automobile drivers wear helmets to avoid injury? Are all car drivers and passengers acting irresponsibly? Maybe pedestrians walking across streets should have to first strap on their Responsible Citizen Helmet. MORE HELMETS. MORE TICKETS. MALLUM PROHIBITUM! LAWS LAWS LAWS.

          • I can’t believe I’m responding to this now, but here goes.

            1. Drivers and their passengers have to wear seatbelts, for pretty much that exact reason.
            2. Pedestrians are already restricted in both the time and place that it is lawful to cross the street, largely obviating the need for safety gear.
            3. The government recognizes the inevitability of traffic accidents. That is why drivers are required to carry liability insurance. There is no such expectation placed on cyclists, nor would I advocate that there should be. However, since cyclists are part of the flow of traffic and subject to the same (greater, actually) risk of accident as motorists, it hardly seems burdensome to expect that they be required to wear a helmet when doing so. After all, it’s not their insurance that’s going to pay the bill when something goes wrong.

  8. Are they heavy? They look heavy.

  9. Did anyone else see Premium Rush? I saw it this weekend, and thought it was about as good as a movie can be when it’s about delivering an envelope on a bike in the city.

    • That is a very good description of Premium Rush. Plus you can’t really go wrong with Michael Shannon as your villain (or maybe you can? I didn’t see Man of Steel).

      • My only complaint about the movie was that the bike messengers did not bother to use their chains as weapons. The one girl took off that cab driver’s side mirror in the beginning, so I assumed we would see more of that later. I would not want to see that happening in real life though.

        • Yeah, that’s a bit of an oversight. I did get very annoyed with how much they tried to run over pedestrians because people riding their bikes on the sidewalk drive me NUTS, but once I looked past that I enjoyed it rather a lot.

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