What is your horror movie dream? Mine is that I go to bed in my own home, but wake up in the Overlook Hotel. Oh no! (I do know that I am going to wake up in some nightmare scenario, so it isn’t a huge surprise. Let’s say it was something like a Groupon that I bought for Halloween.) For a while I think that no one is in the hotel with me, only elevators full of blood. “Ugh, aren’t there any elevators NOT full of blood?!” I’ll wonder. (There won’t be.) Then I find the bar and the ghost bartender is there and he gives me a cup full of whiskey. “Oh, can I get literally anything else? This is gross,” I’ll say. And then Jack Nicholson will pop out — ahhhhh! — and hit me with an axe! The End. So that’s my dream, but if your horror movie dream is about Cabin in the Woods, you’re in luck! From Zap2It:

Universal Orlando’s Halloween Horror Nights 23 is getting a very exciting new horror maze for its 2013 celebrations. The Florida theme park has teamed with director Drew Goddard to create a maze based on his 2012 horror film “The Cabin in the Woods.”

“We are building the cabin completely. You’re going to walk through a forest to get there. You’re going into the cabin. You’re going to go into the cube cells. We’re literally taking everything we can in the film and giving you a kind of best-of montage of the film with this kind of linking story,” Universal Orlando Entertainment Team member Michael Aiello tells Zap2it. “You’re going to be in the control room when merman attacks.”

A new storyline that parallels the one in “Cabin in the Woods” will be introduced in the Halloween maze. The idea initially presented to Goddard was that guests will take on the role of a newly hired person in the Facility. Videos in the queue and within the maze will explain the mythology of “Cabin in the Woods” and the idea of the film’s sacrifices and gods, and then guests will experience the events of the movie — including some of the sacrifices — in real time from a different perspective.

I know this sounds like a nightmare, but I also want to do it fairly badly! Although if you have to walk through an ACTUAL forest and there are bugs and spiders involved, I might have to rethink. What about you? Nightmare or no? Please vote in our poll after the jump to voice you opinion about whether or not this Cabin in the Woods maze at Universal Orlando sounds like a nightmare.

Nightmare or No?

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Comments (41)
  1. I might be interested if I had ever seen this movie. I’m suffering from Whedon Fatigue, I just cannot even anymore.

    • I am a Whedon devotee but the Avengers bored me to tears (i said it!) so I can kind of see where you are coming from.

    • Yeah I know how you feel. I always get this feeling that The Avengers was this movie you are REQUIRED to like, if that makes sense, which annoys me. I thought it was decent but still a pretty by-the-numbers popcorn action movie. But people talk about like it was this unimpeachable classic and what is your problem how can you not like Joss Whedon and I just don’t get it.

      • It was an exact carbon copy of every other big budget super-hero movie by a non-auteur (so, like, Nolan and Burton excluded).

        There was nothing unique about it! The dialogue wasn’t even sassy and quip-y! What was the god damn point of hiring Whedon if he wasn’t going to write cheeky banter!

        I think Whedon has a problem with big budgets. That is, when he has them, his writing suffers. So, like, the Buffy comics are really bad because there is NO budget. He isn’t constrained by special effects so he just goes CRAZY. Like I think the end of Season 9 there was just a giant magical alien invasion and Buffy could fly and shit? Get real!

        • Wait so you’re saying, with a big budget his writing suffers, and with no budget his writing is ludicrous? I’m just suggesting, and I know people are all kinds of passionate in ways I’ll never understand about those WB shows of his, that maybe Joss Whedon is not our nation’s poet laureate.

          • Look, Buffy is real good.

          • (The TV show, not the comics.)

          • Eric, I think you are 100% right about the big budget/comic book thing. You could see it happening at the end of both Buffy and Angel (and Dollhouse too even), where he was trying to expand the universe wayyyyy too much. What is so great about Whedon’s stuff when it’s good is the humor and the characters, not the crazy mythology. I can only imagine how ridic the Buffy comics are, since he had no limitations.

          • The Buffy comics are REALLY ridic.

            On a side note, I first heard someone say something like “totes” or “ridic” for the first time a couple of days ago. Like, out loud, and not on a sitcom or on the internet. I can’t remember what the exact word they said was. I always sort of assumed that those words were used at least semi-ironically, or at least as a shared cultural reference point indicating our appreciation of Penny from Happy Endings? Apparently not. The girl who said the word, whatever it was, was very serious.

            My point being, a) I am old, and b) what the fucking fuck?

    • I completely understand Whedon fatigue, but this is a good movie. I promise. It’s clever and creepy and well performed.

  2. True story: Every time someone mentions Cabin in the Woods, I think they’re talking about Cabin Fever starring Rider Strong.

    Speaking of nightmares, I had a very scary dream last night where I ate a cat! Looking at my cat calendar this morning gave me PTSD-style flashbacks.

  3. Wait, no saracasmo, this sounds pretty cool.

  4. I really liked this movie but it sounds like this attraction is placing you in the role of the tech nerds who SACRIFICE HUMAN BEINGS TO EVIL GODS. It feels like basing a ride on a WW2 movie and making the audience play the role of the nazis.

    • I get what you are saying but also the Nazis weren’t trying to

      **SPOILER ALERT**

      save the world from a Lovecraftian nightmare demon.

      UNLESS THEY WERE?!

  5. Not another performance art piece!

  6. Kelly, just convince Gabe that this is something you’d dread doing and when you “lose” next year’s Oscar competition, you’ll “have” to go to Florida to “suffer” through this ride.

  7. Guys. Have you ever actually been in a corn maze? It’s fucking TERRIFYING. It’s dark, the corn is very tall, it’s eerily quiet, and you think you’re going to die in it.

    • If you have hay fever, you are definitely going to die in it.

    • There is a haunted house in minneapolis that I go to every year because apparently one year is exactly enough time for me to forget how much I hate wandering around in the dark with people dressed up as evil dentists and evil doll zombies and evil incestuous pig people jumping out at me and pawing in the dark and pushing me down and blindfolding me even though its dark and trying to lead me around (trying because I will not move in those circumstances. Nope! I’m fine, I will live here, in the middle of this nightmare dungeon forever) and petting me and getting all up in personal space and shutting me in a fake coffin for anywhere from 3-15 minutes and nope! I don’t need to add sexy witches to that.

      SO what I am saying is yes, truck. Lets sit somewhere well lit and avoid corn and drink gin.

      • I read this as humid house because I literally cannot stop complaining about this goddamn nightmare heatwave.

      • Yes. The only time I was even near a corn maze (no I’ve never gone through one because see above) I went through a haunted house first and I was so scared (it was built for children) that we got turned around and couldn’t figure out which way to go and the characters had to be like, “ROAR! THAT WAY!”

        • Hahaha! This is the best. On Halloween I usually work in a haunted house and moments like that are half the reason. If you can get some douche dressed as an Army Guy (great costume dude) to jump into a wall or a whole gaggle of Sexy Nurses teetering in 10-inch heels to fall over like not-sexy bowling pins — and then they all get up and have no idea where they are — that is such a confirmation of Halloween Well Done.

          (It’s a pretty scary haunted house and occasionally in response someone just completely shuts down. One year a girl got separated from her group, and was moving slowly, crying like she thought she would be murdered, barely able to look up; she paused to send a text, hands shaking — oops, right next to me, thinking I was a mannequin. OH I SCARED HER SO GOOD! She was so broken that I actually worried about her, though, so then I went all “Roar! Follow me!” and whisked her through the part with no lights very fast.)

          • Uh, I’m not saying you are a douche. Or a Sexy Nurse? I just mean it’s always fun to scare anyone on Halloween — thanks for getting scared! — but it’s extra satisfying when it’s someone who showed up fully expecting to be impervious. The dudes who barely even try to pull a costume together (Army Guy, Football Guy, Toga Guy) so often act all Too-Cool-for-the-BS before they enter the haunted house. So it’s awesome to get them to shriek and lose it / have fun.

  8. i like firefly a lot, never really got into buffy, was very indifferent on the avengers and am not really a horror fan in general. However, i LOVED this movie and this actually sounds kind of cool. The chances of me going to florida to do a carnival ride or whatever but still…

  9. It’s going to be hot and very humid with Florida-sized bugs and waiting in line and probably florescent lighting. So even before we get to the horror “entertainment” aspect of the ride, we are already in my personal hell.

    • p.s. if the Purge is this week, I’d like to request the ability to blow up all the fireworks stands at the same time so my dog doesn’t go through his personal hell for the next 15 days. Also: I’d warn all the dog owners to keep their pups in the basement with like 45 fans going at the same time.

  10. This combines three things I am not particularly a fan of: Amusement park rides, terrifying things, and Florida. However I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS BECAUSE I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH.

    Seriously, you guys. This movie is so great. Not to overuse a dumb phrase, but it was the most fun I’ve had at the movies in years. Then I watched it by myself at home and it was still great. Then I watched it with a bunch of my friends for Bro Movie Night™ and it was STILL SO GOOD. In fact, I think I’m going to watch it again tonight.

  11. My Cabin in the Woods dreams have a lot more to do with a collapsible bong/travel coffee mug than with what they are proposing here.

    • I somehow read your statement as saying you were going to propose at this themepark. I highly* recommend that. Videotape that, and send it to Kelly.

      *I may not have your best interests at heart at this time.

    • Dude, get separate bongs and travel mugs. That is NOT something you want to mix up.

      • It does both! Both! You drink coffee from the top and when you extend it into bong mode, you smoke from the bottom. There’s no mixing up and boy oh boy they go so well together.

  12. Can we all go to Universal Orlando this fall? As a family? Please? PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEEEEE?!??!?!

  13. I’ve actually been to Horror Nights, back in 2007 or 2008. They were doing a Dead Silence house, which I didn’t go to, because I was super excited about the house for The Thing. It scared me so badly I refused to go in any others, and I ruined the trip for my girlfriend. No regrets!

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