At dinner last night, the conversation naturally turned to Paula Deen, and one of the better observations made was that regardless of whether or not Paula Deen is maliciously racist or not, which we mostly agreed she was not, her defenders definitely 100% are, which makes her situation more complicated. If the only people defending you against accusations of having a cold are soggy tissues, I’m not going on with this metaphor but you get my point. Anyway, the latest in the long line of horrible racists to defend Paula Deen is Glenn Beck. No duh. And what better way to explain her situation than by comparing it to the world’s most intrepid explorers and freedom fighters. From the LA Times:

“Where would the world be if Columbus and Magellan and other world explorers believed conventional wisdom and believed the world was flat… Where would we be if Martin Luther King didn’t speak and challenge segregation? Where would we be if everyone in the world thought in the box?” Beck wondered.

Unbelievable. What an asshole! More of an asshole than Paula Deen, really, when you think about it. Granted, if she gets one more extended interview she probably will compare herself to Rosa Parks (which is why the precogs have wisely canceled all of her interviews) but this is some BOLD shit. It is, of course, hilarious that to defend Paula Deen against accusations of racism that Glenn Beck invokes not only Martin Luther King Jr., which is just ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (that is the sound of my brain breaking) but also Christopher Columbus, a man largely responsible for invoking racial genocide across an entire continent. Perfect. We are doing great. 2013. NOM NOM NOM. #blessed

Comments (48)
  1. Paula Deen is the bug zapper of racists.

  2. “Wait, who came to my defense? Oh shit, I guess I am racist then” – Paula Deen hopefully

  3. What in the hell is he wearing in that clip? The Times describes it as “quasi-military garb.”

  4. Hmm. On the one hand, definitely shut the FUCK UP Glenn Beck, this kinda does make you worse than Paula Deen. On the other hand, I feel like he is saying this shit just to get people angry and/or pay attention to him. The Martin Luther King comparison has that vibe, because of how insanely ridiculous and on the nose it is in being the most inflammatory comparison you could make. The really sad thing is people are going to read that and think “Glenn Beck. That man has a point.”

  5. So, here’s the deal. Columbus and Magellen didn’t believe the world was flat. They just thought it was much smaller than it actually was. But not flat!

    And I realize that’s not the most problematic thing that Glenn Beck has ever said, but hey, I can only do what I can.

  6. And let’s not forget that in Columbus/Magellan’s time, the conventional wisdom was NOT that the world was flat. Only ignorant people without an eduation believed that, so…parallels.

  7. Wow, his wikipedia page certainly shows he’s someone qualified to defend you against charges or racism:

    During his tenure at B104, Beck was arrested and jailed for speeding in his DeLorean. According to a former associate, Beck was “completely out of it” when a station manager went to bail him out. In early 1992, Beck and Gray both moved to WKCI-FM (KC101), a Top-40 radio station in New Haven, Connecticut. In 1995, WKCI apologized after Beck and Gray mocked a Chinese-American caller on air who felt offended by a comedy segment by playing a gong sound effect and having executive producer Alf Gagineau mock a Chinese accent. That incident led to protests by activist groups.

  8. Come on, Glenn, surely you can think of a butter arguement than that!

  9. Y’know, if Paula Deen is the Magellan of our times, then we might just need a contemporary Lapu-Lapu (

  10. I’m failing to see how saying the N-Word as a failure to cowtow to political correctness – OR WHATEVER – means that Paula Deen is some sort of revolutionary. Like Political Correctness is holding us back and we must march toward the progress of being able to just call anyone a slur at any time and have no repercussions for that? I’m having a really hard time with this!

    • Yeah, that “I refuse to be politically correct, because I’m a COURAGEOUS REBEL who TELLS IT LIKE IT IS and KEEPS IT REAL” attitude drives me nuts. Like, no, you’re just doing the exact same thing most people have done since always: trying to maintain the status quo that gives you more power and privileges than people who are different than you. That’s, like, the least edgy and brave thing there is. This is what always drives me nuts about the people to leap to defend gross, dudebro comedy–they’re literally being the exact opposite of what they think they’re being, which is unconventional.

      It is always hilarisad (hilarious + sad) when these people seem to believe that being criticized for their oppressive opinions is somehow the same thing–and usually WORSE–than actual oppression, though.

      • It seems like those kinds of white people honestly believe that any civil rights advancement is playing the victim. So they have decided to get in on that sweet action.

      • Exactly! You can’t claim the revolutionary position in this fight! You can’t just be England and sit there and say “We are revolutionaries for going into our colonists’ homes and fighting and murdering them for the right to claim whatever land and people we want! I can’t believe they’re all trying to oppress us like this!”

  11. True story: I interviewed for another position within my company. It was for a conservative non-fiction imprint. I was assured by my itnerviewer, who really is a super nice guy, that, like NONE of the people working these books are actually conservative. I was asked to continue on to a second interview but I turned it down because, NOPE.

    I’m all for freedom of speech but I do not have to actively work towards creating this garbage.

    Here are the bullet points on the Title Information Sheet from a recent conservative non-fiction best-seller:

    The double standard: you can make fun of Christians, but God forbid Muslims. It’s okay to call a woman a whore, as long as she’s a Republican. And no problem if you’re a bigot, as long as your black.

    The demonizing of the Tea Party and romanticizing of the Occupy Wall Streeters.

    People who are always offended (see MSNBC lineup).

    How critics of Obamacare or illegal immigration are somehow immediately labelled racists.

    The endless debate over the Ground Zero Mosque (which Gutfeld planned to open a gay strip club next to). [WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!]

    As well as pretentious music criticism, slow moving ceiling fans and snotty restaurant hostesses.

  12. I don’t think Glen Beck knows what words mean.

  13. I think a comparison to Magellan from Eureeka’s Castle would be more apt:



  16. Also, the smirk on ol’ Glennie: smarmy facial expression or smarmiest facial expression?

  17. I really want to talk about Rick Perry now, can that start?

  18. My friend and i can’t stop reading the food network facebook page. It is FILLED with hate mongers right now. Who are these assholes? I just want to move to an island and live in a hut on the beach.

    • This actually hurts:
      What is wrong with this country! Have you never called someone overweight “fat”, someone not very attractive “ugly” someone not very smart “stupid”????? they are all nasty words but sometimes when someone is doing us wrong we lash out with “words”. That is nothing when you compare it to that person using a “weapon”. Who is the victim here? Paula Deen IS!

  19. Huh, so we’re still interviewing Glenn Beck?

  20. What the f*ck is Glenn even talking about?

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