Let’s take this seriously, okay? No nonsense while we discuss what will be taken in Taken 3. “His parking space.” Is that what you were going to say? “The last donut in the break room.” Ugh. Obviously they are not going to do a third Taken movie about the last donut in the break room, come on, GET YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT. Read the blurb, get your head on straight, and then let’s brainstorm. From HitFix:

Liam Neeson is ready to kick more butt.

The actor is reportedly close to signing a deal for action threequel “Taken 3,” with Deadline alleging he’ll be paid in the neighborhood of $20 million to reprise the role of retired CIA agent Bryan Mills. A script by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen, who co-wrote the first two films, is already in the works, though no director has yet been set for the project (Olivier Megaton helmed the last entry).

20th Century Fox and Besson’s EuropaCorp are eyeing a February production start for the film, which is likely counting on deals with Neeson’s as-yet unattached co-stars Maggie Grace and Famke Janssen.

In the first Taken his daughter was kidnapped, and in the second Taken his daughter was the only one NOT kidnapped, right? Right or wrong? My Taken memory is a bit fuzzy but assuming I’m right, it only makes sense that Taken 3 will have the ENTIRE family kidnapped together. “Oh no, not all of us?!” Liam Neeson will say during the opening credits. Then Famke Janssen will be like, “ALL OF US? One of us sure, two of us fine, but ALL OF US?” And Liam Neeson will say, “Please don’t, Famke.” (Taken 3 continued after the jump.)

And Maggie Grace will say, “I wish I had never been born.” And her parents will say, “Don’t say that, Kim! We love you, even though we have our own problems.” And then Liam Neeson will say, “My shoe is a telephone, let me call for some backup.” And then he’ll call for backup, but then the backup will be double agents (!!!), but that’s what Liam Neeson was counting on. “I was counting on that,” he’ll say to Famke Janssen, and then it will be revealed that Liam Neeson was also a double agent (?!) and he only had his family kidnapped because he wanted to spend more time with them. “We never do this anymore,” he’ll say, and the girls will laugh. “I just wanted to be Taken…on my own terms.” That’s Liam again. “I’m pretty taken with you, to be honest!” Famke Janssen will say during the closing credits. Kim will roll her eyes and smile. The End. Is that what you think will happen in Taken 3 too, or no?!

Comments (31)
  1. Taken is pretty much The Hangover of action movies, right? 1). Pretty racist. 2). Premise not strong enough to support sequels.

  2. The family dog goes missing in…Look Who’s Taken Too

  3. I think the twist is that something will be given this time.

  4. Someone’s virginity.

  5. His career back.

  6. Taken 3 will be a rom com about women trying to get with Liam Neeson, and he’s all “Sorry, ladies I’m taken!”

  7. The audience. FOR GRANTED.

  8. The password to his computer and he goes all the way to India to find it.

  9. I had to stop reading because the word “threequel” has made me blind with rage and I want to punch whoever came up with it.

  10. The daughter again but this time by CPS. Stop losing your family, Liam.

  11. They can finally correct the error of Taken 2, by this time having Liam Neeson kidnapped and now his father (Patrick Stewart) will have to find and rescue him.

    Also, can we get a War Horse 2 where the Horse is Rambo Horse? I’m still bitter about that.

  12. Does the daughter run in the second Taken? Her running in the first movie reminded me of Phoebe running in Friends.

  13. Famke: “Liam, where are you?”
    Liam: “Thailand. Looking for our daughter and her boyfriend. They went to Bangkok and got taken, remember?”
    Famke: “They went to Bangkok House for takeout.
    Liam: hahahahahaha
    Famke: hahahahaha

  14. Liam Neeson has his passport taken away in an attempt to prevent more Taken sequels.

  15. Takin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (sorry)

  16. Whoa you guys all need to TAKE it easy because Taken 3 is going to be the best thing to happen to us until the next Die Hard movie.

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