I learned an important lesson in movie trailers this week, you guys, and how great they can be regardless of the actual movie they are advertising. Last night I saw a screening of a movie that has a GREAT trailer and that I think a lot of people who enjoy this website are going to be VERY excited to see, because it is directed by the same guy who directed a movie that everyone was excited about two years ago, and it stars the same actor from that movie who is an actor that all of the ladies enjoy on a DEEP level and let’s just say I am going to be very curious to see how everyone’s head explodes with queasy disappointment when it finally comes out. BLIND ITEMS! The point is: trailers.

The Spectacular Now

I’m sure this is a nice little coming of age movie, etc etc etc, but I do find it hard to believe that a teenager would tell another teenager “Can’t you see I’m no good for you? You need to get away from me!” unless it is made very clear in the movie that this teenager is ridiculous and clearly just quoting an adult in a different, worse movie.

Empire State

Apparently this is going straight to video. Which is actually kind of surprising for a The Rock and Liam Hemsworth movie! Things happen, I guess. Life has a funny way of going straight to video.

Jobs

“In a world where Steve Jobs was a total HUNK.” I don’t know, man. The Steve Jobs story is probably interesting enough, and Ashton Kutcher is an actor, but when that Mackelmore song kicked in at 00:02, they lost me. (They lost me again when Steve Jobs Kutcher was crying on a podcast, and again just a moment later with that beard in the mirror shot. The ceiling can’t hold me, for sure, I’m outta here!)

Crystal Fairy

This looks really good! I’m not usually a fan of drug-fueled comedies, but this one looks good.

Drinking Buddies

This also looks pretty good. Guys! Stuff looks good today! To be fair, I am a big fan of Jake Johnson and would watch him in most things, and I’m also a fan of Olivia Wilde’s alien moon face. TAKE ME TO YOUR DEALER, OLIVIA WILDE!

The Smurfs 2

Fuck you.

The Lego Movie

Fuck you.

Killing Season

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH AHHHHHHHHHH! This is not a real movie, right? This is a fake movie? This is a joke being played on us and Ashton Kutcher comes out in his hat and everyone is like, oh man, you had me going for a second, Ashton Kutcher. Like, no. No this is. No. Hahah. Nah. No.

Touchy Feely

OK. I mean, OK? This has a good cast, it looks fine. I wish the trailer didn’t have so many title cards about, like, easing tension, and touching other people’s hearts or whatever those title cards even said. You’re already making a movie about a massage therapist who can no longer perform massage therapy called TOUCHY FEELY, how hard do we need to hit this over the head? Oh until its head turns to mush? Fair enough.

Comments (20)
  1. I’s be surprised if no ne breaks a hip in killing season

  2. Fun fact: they filmed some of Drinking Buddies on my street. Also fun fact: the brewery is the Revolution brewery on Kedzie in Chicago. It is really fucking awesome. Go drink beer and eat popcorn there.

    I met the director after seeing his first movie LOL. I did not like that movie and do not like most mumblecore movies, but Drinking Buddies does not look mumblecore. Maybe I will like it.

  3. Ellen Page seems to have jumped the shark from permanent 14-year old to 39-year old disheveled former massage therapist. I mean, maybe she is not the massage therapist, maybe she is really a pregnant teenager in this movie, but she kind of looks like a 39-year old out of work massage therapist there. Just sayin.

  4. Oh man, I’m excited for Crystal Fairy. I really like that director. Has anyone seen The Boring Life of Jacqueline? It’s an HBO digital series, so it’s kind of buried in their online streaming channel….thing, but if you can find it, it is awesome!

  5. Oh, so suddenly Smurfs are out? Gee whiz, it’s hard to keep up with you hipsters.

  6. So they changed it to be just Jobs now rather than iJobs or jObs or whatever?

  7. So you’re saying you didn’t care for Only God Forgives, Gabe? The other early reviews haven’t sounded promising either.

    • I think Refn is pretty overrated. I liked the opening sequence of Drive but the rest was hyperstylized nonsense. Bronson is his only good movie, but it’s still uneven, and the good points derive mostly from Tom Hardy. Valhalla Rising? Inept Herzog imitation, unwatchable.

      I’m sure people will disagree though.

      • I remember liking Valhalla quite a bit (or at least it being watchable!), but I also didn’t remember the Refn connection.

    • God forgives but Gabe don’t.

  8. Does anyone else like Macklemore? I have really only heard a couple of his songs, but I like it!

    Thrift Shop is funny, the song from the Jobs trailer is super catchy, and that Same Love song just sends a nice message about marriage equality.

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