Wait. Hold on. This is an actual ABC NEWS report on the owner of the New England Patriots’s accusation that Vladimir Putin, PRESIDENT OF RUSSIA, stole his Super Bowl ring. In fact, it is a FOLLOW UP report to an EARLIER report! And I had to find it by randomly stumbling over it in my RSS feed? WHY ISN’T EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT THIS?! I understand that it’s a tough day for everyone what with Shailene Woodley being cut from Spider-Man 2 and possibly even having her role as Mary Jane Watson recast, but COME ON. This is IMPORTANT and also HILARIOUS. I love that what is absolutely not in dispute is that Vladimir Putin definitely has a $25,000 Super Bowl ring, which he what, wears on his extended pinky while using an ivory spoon to shovel caviar into his mouth each night as he watches Jon Oliver guest host The Daily Show. The only question is: DID HE STEAL IT? Very good question. Maybe our most important question. I cannot believe I am just finding out about this question!

Comments (22)
  1. Mr. Putin, give back this ring.

  2. If you liked it, then you should have Putin a ring on it.

  3. obama needs to go over there and take several polar bears and twenty gallons of vodka, or whatever the russian equivalent of a super bowl ring is

  4. This is the most perfect moment in the history of news:

  5. Wait, what planet is this again?

  6. I love that this is suddenly news again. Sadly, I think it’s mostly the Patriots hoping that if they re-enact the news from a past Super Bowl victory, people will think they won again.

  7. I find Vladimir Putin to be kind of interesting. On the one hand, he is a corrupt leader of a country with a lot of issues, but on the other hand he is stealing Super Bowl rings and giving Gerard Depardieu visas to live in his country or whatever that was about. Vladimir Putin contains multitudes.

    • Putin and Berlusconi are just amazing men who continue to astound me with everything they do. It’s like they both found a Jim Carrey’s The Mask, and they just do whatever they want all the time. They’re both great, but Berlusconi is mostly just a clown, whereas Putin is also legitimately scary.

      • I dunno, the whole “statutory rape at a bunga-bunga party” thing kinda takes away from Berlusconi’s mystique.

        • And then he defended his actions by saying “It’s better to love beautiful women than to be gay.” Those were actual words that came out of a world leader. Honestly, the whole thing is so far over the top that it goes right back around to being amazing. Plus, with Putin, there’s a sinister air about him. Berlusconi just seems to be genuinely unaware that he’s doing anything wrong.

  8. When kids in my library fight about stuff like this, I tell them to go outside and fight about it. They can only come back in when an understanding has been met, or one of them wants me to call the police. So, unless it’s police-calling time, I’m not hearing anymore about this Super Bowl Ring.

  9. That was my response when I heard about this a few days ago. I actually called my wife immediately to tell her about this. Then I realized that this happened EIGHT YEARS AGO. Unacceptable that this was not breaking new until now!

  10. I was hoping this post would be titled: Why Aren’t More People Commenting on Videogum Posts Today?!

    And then my comment would be: Hump Day, amirite?

    I’ll see my way out.

  11. Is this what The Bling Ring is about?

  12. Well, if it was one of the Spygate rings, you could say the Patriots stole it to begin with.

  13. I wonder how many people Putin has killed with the ring in the last eight years?

    Haha, no, honestly, I wonder.

  14. Do check out Vladimir Putin’s website if you get 5 spare minutes. You’ll learn all sorts of wondrous stuff he likes, as long as it’s Russian. E.g. Vladimir loves skiing, but Russian mountains are best. Vladimir loves driving, and Russian cars are the best for driving in. So I can’t see why he’d want the ring…unless it is Russian, in which case it’s the best.

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