gabe: i think we should stop posting our friday fights
gabe: these are personal
gabe: they are no one’s business!
lindsay: I like to think of them as the algonquin round table.
lindsay: Who else is out there figuring out whether or not Kevin Smith should be allowed to exist?
gabe: they’re more like the algonquin table for two
gabe: right by the kitchen
gabe: where they put the shitheads
lindsay: I think we’ve exhausted all of the Big Questions.
gabe: it’s true, we’ve really tackled everything that is important
gabe: Kathy Griffin
lindsay: Vampires
gabe: Vampires
lindsay: Jinx

lindsay: Whether or not Kristen Stewart is a bitch.
gabe: I’m going to file that under Vampires
gabe: i will say this
gabe: we are the only website on the internet
gabe: that just went ahead and ASKED THE FUCKING QUESTION last fall
gabe: which is more important, halloween or the election?
gabe: no more beating around the bush, America!
gabe: straight talk express!
lindsay: I like to think we opened up a dialog
lindsay: and that it was a teachable moment for the, um, eight people who commented
gabe: if you can change just one mind
gabe: did you ever win a fight?
gabe: i think you lost all the fights, right?
gabe: that’s embarrassing
lindsay: I think I won the Intervention one and that’s it.

lindsay: But only because you hadn’t seen Intervention.
gabe: well first of all, i had seen intervention
gabe: and second of all, you lost that fight
gabe: i think you lost that fight hardest of all
gabe: because it was about something you loved
lindsay: I’m fine with that, because I believe in life you have to pick your battles, and I’m willing to lose “Who would beat Batman in a fight?” to win the war. And also I never resorted to childish namecalling.
gabe: whatever, diaperface
gabe: wait, what is the war?
lindsay: I don’t know. The war between the sexes?
gabe: hahahahah
gabe: oh yes
lindsay: Some war. I don’t know.
gabe: you guys are killing it in that one
lindsay: Ooh, I think I definitely won the Jimmy Fallon one.

lindsay: He’s not “the worst.”
gabe: that’s probably true
gabe: She Won the Jimmy Fallon One
gabe: Lindsay’s tombstone
lindsay: hahaha
gabe: 1970-2011
lindsay: hahahahaha
lindsay: (that is not my age, internet.)
gabe: it’s true that jimmy fallon is not the worst
gabe: that is the battle you chose
gabe: to win the war of the sexes
gabe: and that’s why there is no more glass ceiling
lindsay: Yay!!
gabe: you did it
gabe: but i fucking demolished you in
lindsay: I’m sending an email to right now.
gabe: in what could replace the live puppy feed
gabe: in which you suggested baby lizards
gabe: or a goth chick
gabe: with a surgically forked tongue
lindsay: I can’t bear to go back and read that but I’m sure not seriously.
gabe: i also feel that your butt was handed to you
gabe: in the thoughtful discussion
gabe: of Verne Troyer Sex Tape, Hot or Not?
gabe: love conquers all!

gabe: did you have a favorite fight, lindsay?
lindsay: I think we both know my favorite fight was the one where I got to share all my stupid reality show ideas, including the brilliant, still undiscovered “Stamos Says What?”
gabe: oh right
gabe: you do love that fight
gabe: you’re constantly trying to keep having that fight with me
gabe: i cried uncle months ago
gabe: you won the war of me not wanting to talk about funny reality show ideas anymore
lindsay: it’s really the only thing I actually want to talk about
gabe: i know
gabe: and when you get a job writing for Mad TV, you will finally get to
gabe: ZING
gabe: seriously, though, you should write for Mad TV
lindsay: I know what your favorite fight is.
lindsay: The one you had with yourself when I was out of town.
gabe: that was a pyrrhic victory.

NOTE: We will continue to have fights, almost constantly, but we will no longer be posting them every Friday. Next week we will introduce our newest feature: a celebration of the best (and also maybe worst) comments of the week. You hear that, monsters? YOU BETTER DRUMLINE!

Comments (58)
  1. i seeen da miget frum austin powers (grr baby shagg me!) he s relly small but i never seen da sex tape i bet dat it s funy!! anyway it s a good movie, get in my bel-lay!!

  2. Aww, I liked Friday Fights. It reminded me of when my parents used to fight (they still do, but I’m not there). But raising up great commentsand shaming bad ones is a great idea.

    • Is it a good idea? I hope this doesn’t become Noticemegabeandlindsaygum.
      Also, getting rid of friday fights? Boo. Who is gabe going to yell at in aggressive capital letters? Who is going to discuss the important issues of the week?
      I’m going to need more of this:

  3. Aww! I feel like I already miss Friday Night Fights, but I look forward to A Celebration of the Best (and also maybe worst) Comments of the Week. Also, get ready to be discussed, Da Cake Eatur.

  4. This Friday Night Fright broke my heart you guys. The worst.

  5. Look what you did, vampires!
    This is why we can’t have nice things anymore.

  6. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  7. “MEGA :(


  8. Sara  |   Posted on Jun 5th, 2009 +3


  9. I just want everyone to know there is a person named Dave Assman interviewed in this article.

  10. What?! I look forward to the Friday Fight every week!

  11. so this the videogum version of a clip show? had to happen at some point… still…i will miss the fights.


  13. freckle  |   Posted on Jun 5th, 2009 +17

    Yea, they were getting old. I liked the back-and-forth, but it seemed like you guys were just pretend fighting so you could start the weekend.

    Maybe special edition fights in the future?

  14. I disagree with you guys that all of the good topics have been exhausted. Case in point, I had no idea what brokencyde (ahem, brokeNCYDE) was until this morning. I need it contextualized if I’m gonna get any sleep tonight. Help me out G & L!

  15. your boyfriend  |   Posted on Jun 5th, 2009 +8

    Ugh, gross. Posting the best comments is fine and dandy, plenty of blogs do it, but I really REALLY hate it when blogs post the “worst” comments too. I’m not into public shaming.

  16. I’m new here and already sad the fights are over.

  17. Sam  |   Posted on Jun 6th, 2009 -2

    An Old 97s headline? You guys are cooler than I thought.

  18. god. now I’m going to read all the comments people post and hate the fact that they are probably only posting them to be recognized.

    • Al  |   Posted on Jun 7th, 2009 +2

      A million times yes. I hope this doesn’t turn into another Pajiba comment section (not that I don’t read that too, we just don’t need more than one).

  19. i’ve notice hella new (FUNNY) commenters here recently – uppin’ the ante on that ass. tens upon tens of new commenters.

    i, for one, welcome the new feature.

  20. Goddamn it, I’m never going to get mentioned because the Best and Worst comments will be locked down by Da Cake Eatur and An American Patriot every fucking week.

  21. For the first issue, i hope you can go back and bring to light some of the epic comments from the past.

    like, dick toast. and everything else from Kenny P

  22. christopherr  |   Posted on Jun 6th, 2009 0


  23. if you’re still feeling feisty gabe you can yell at me on fridays? (i warn you though.. i’m a crier)

  24. “Whatever, diaperface” is the new “Relax, ‘technojeremy’.” Starting now!

  25. then what will happen to “calm down Chris Brown”?

    • wasn’t it “settle down, Chris Brown”?
      and that never really ignited.
      probably because it serves the exact same linguistic purpose as “relax technojeremy.”
      “whatever diaperface” has potential, though. i been looking for some petty insults to toss around at people other than An American Patriot.
      fully supportive

  26. Mcluskyist and wubdub are gonna sweep

  27. are the best and worst comments going to be based on the scores we give them? or is it all up to you guys to decide based on your stellar knowledge of “best” and “worst”?

  28. i really hope that i was not the only one to try


  29. does anyone else think that An American Patriot is just waiting for all of us to come around to him the way we did for Da Cake Eatur?

    sorry pal, we wont

  30. sammy  |   Posted on Jun 8th, 2009 +5

    ugh. not only were friday fights THE BEST, but commenters trying to one-up each other in annoying snarky comments is the WORST. 0-for-2 on this one.

  31. Can we please bring back Double Dog? I really am waiting for you guys (Gabe and Lindsay) to be embarrassed again like I am every time I get voted down. (Just kidding. Sort of.)

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