gabe: i think we should stop posting our friday fights
gabe: these are personal
gabe: they are no one’s business!
lindsay: I like to think of them as the algonquin round table.
lindsay: Who else is out there figuring out whether or not Kevin Smith should be allowed to exist?
gabe: they’re more like the algonquin table for two
gabe: right by the kitchen
gabe: where they put the shitheads
lindsay: I think we’ve exhausted all of the Big Questions.
gabe: it’s true, we’ve really tackled everything that is important
gabe: Kathy Griffin
lindsay: Whether or not Kristen Stewart is a bitch.
gabe: I’m going to file that under Vampires
gabe: i will say this
gabe: we are the only website on the internet
gabe: that just went ahead and ASKED THE FUCKING QUESTION last fall
gabe: which is more important, halloween or the election?
gabe: no more beating around the bush, America!
gabe: straight talk express!
lindsay: I like to think we opened up a dialog
lindsay: and that it was a teachable moment for the, um, eight people who commented
gabe: if you can change just one mind
gabe: did you ever win a fight?
gabe: i think you lost all the fights, right?
gabe: that’s embarrassing
lindsay: I think I won the Intervention one and that’s it.
lindsay: But only because you hadn’t seen Intervention.
gabe: well first of all, i had seen intervention
gabe: and second of all, you lost that fight
gabe: i think you lost that fight hardest of all
gabe: because it was about something you loved
lindsay: I’m fine with that, because I believe in life you have to pick your battles, and I’m willing to lose “Who would beat Batman in a fight?” to win the war. And also I never resorted to childish namecalling.
gabe: whatever, diaperface
gabe: wait, what is the war?
lindsay: I don’t know. The war between the sexes?
gabe: oh yes
lindsay: Some war. I don’t know.
gabe: you guys are killing it in that one
lindsay: Ooh, I think I definitely won the Jimmy Fallon one.
lindsay: He’s not “the worst.”
gabe: that’s probably true
gabe: She Won the Jimmy Fallon One
gabe: Lindsay’s tombstone
lindsay: (that is not my age, internet.)
gabe: it’s true that jimmy fallon is not the worst
gabe: that is the battle you chose
gabe: to win the war of the sexes
gabe: and that’s why there is no more glass ceiling
gabe: you did it
gabe: but i fucking demolished you in
lindsay: I’m sending an email to Jezebel.com right now.
gabe: in what could replace the live puppy feed
gabe: in which you suggested baby lizards
gabe: or a goth chick
gabe: with a surgically forked tongue
lindsay: I can’t bear to go back and read that but I’m sure not seriously.
gabe: i also feel that your butt was handed to you
gabe: in the thoughtful discussion
gabe: of Verne Troyer Sex Tape, Hot or Not?
gabe: love conquers all!
gabe: did you have a favorite fight, lindsay?
lindsay: I think we both know my favorite fight was the one where I got to share all my stupid reality show ideas, including the brilliant, still undiscovered “Stamos Says What?”
gabe: oh right
gabe: you do love that fight
gabe: you’re constantly trying to keep having that fight with me
gabe: i cried uncle months ago
gabe: you won the war of me not wanting to talk about funny reality show ideas anymore
lindsay: it’s really the only thing I actually want to talk about
gabe: i know
gabe: and when you get a job writing for Mad TV, you will finally get to
gabe: seriously, though, you should write for Mad TV
gabe: BIG MONEY BIG MONEY
lindsay: I know what your favorite fight is.
lindsay: The one you had with yourself when I was out of town.
gabe: that was a pyrrhic victory.
NOTE: We will continue to have fights, almost constantly, but we will no longer be posting them every Friday. Next week we will introduce our newest feature: a celebration of the best (and also maybe worst) comments of the week. You hear that, monsters? YOU BETTER DRUMLINE!