The answer is none. I know that, I’m no dummy. Life is hard and expensive and crowded enough that we don’t need a Tek from The Real World: Hawaii‘s sunglasses line or, like, Irene’s Teddy Bears. Hahah. Are there any other reality shows? Ummm. Aaden from Jon and Kate + Eight could have a line of eye glasses for babies. But it’s Wednesday morning and SOMETIME’S IT’S NICE TO JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION! Also this, from USAToday:

Fans of the popular reality TV star, aka 7-year-old Alana Thompson, and her family can start saving now for a line of merchandise set to start hitting stores this year.

“We love our fans and are excited to bring things that we love to our viewers,” says Mama June Thompson in a statement.

She adds, “Alana is a huge fan of fashion and all things girly. Fans are going to love the stuff that TLC will be putting on shelves.”

First out will be a book, How to Honey Boo Boo, with a release date of July 9 from William Morrow. Its subtitle is The Complete Guide on How to Redneckognize the Honey Boo Boo in You. The book precedes the July 17 start of the new season of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo on TLC at 9 p.m. ET/PT.

Calendars, posters, T-shirts, cellphone cases, talking key chains (yes, that’s right) and other novelty items are expected to be available in the fall.

NOW?! I could understand one year ago, but now? I guess maybe I’m out of touch. If the world wants keychains that say “you better redneckognize” in the year 2013, that’s what the world deserves to get. But is it what you want? What do you want instead? Puck Band-Aids? PC Iced Coffe? (From NYC Prep.) (Remember?) Kid Nation‘s Taylor’s Chicken Fingers?!?! Tell meeeeee!

Comments (23)
  1. I want a singing fish with Mama June’s face.

  2. I have a talking Sarah Palin keychain that says all the ridiculous stuff that she said and one of the buttons just says “Alaska” but she says it 3 different ways and it’s really great.

  3. Also, speaking of reality TV, (this is a really great transition because I’ve been excited to tell you guys about it and was hoping a good transition would come up!) last night I watched most of Pretty Wild and I have to say, that show is really amazing! I had so many moments that I wanted to be like “Remember when that happened?? That was bonkers!” but now I can’t remember specifics just that the whole show is really nutzo. Did someone on here mention that they were basically on meth the whole time? Cause I could sorta tell! Also the show was great, but much more fun when I was about halfway through and a couple drinks in and yelling at the TV heckling them the whole time. That’s just a great way to watch TV!

    • Is it on Netflix?

    • YES! Not Meth! Black tar heroin!

      I’ve watched the show 2x now and it just gets better every time.

      • Black tar heroin?? What. The. Fuck.

        • Yeah, the VIce interview she gave is pretty amazing:

          On the drug habit:

          Were you high during the entire time you were shooting Pretty Wild?
          Oh yeah. People think I was living with my family, but I was living at a Best Western on Franklin and Vine. I was smoking 20 80-mg oxys a day, I was doing tons of cocaine, I was panhandling for drugs. I had an over-$10,000-a-week drug habit. What you were seeing on TV was not what was really going on.

          Was your mother aware of the severity of your issues?
          She knew we were out of control, but there was nothing she could do. I remember one day she came over to my house, and the only thing I had were 30 rolls of tinfoil, and she said, “The only thing you have in your house is a box of cereal and foil.” My response to her—and I remember this clearly—was, “I like to bake, you C-U-N-T.”

  4. I already own Alaska from Drag Race’s t-shirt. So there!

  5. I’m probably going to buy that book. And Alexis Neiers’ book when it comes out. And I’ve already bought Paris Hilton’s books for pretty much everyone I know as cheap birthday presents.

    It amazes me that I have any friends at all.

  6. “Fans of the popular reality TV star, aka 7-year-old Alana Thompson, and her family can start saving now for a line of merchandise set to start hitting stores this year.”

    More awkwardly worded could not have happened in the case of this sentence.

  7. I just love that Kid Nation was mentioned in a post, as I loved loved loved that show. Kid Nation: Catch the Sensation. Seriously, well done CBS nothing has come close to it. I also loved that everything basically went wrong because not ONE adult thought ‘hey maybe leaving these children out alone in old timey places isn’t a good idea’. Ugh and Taylor, what a Bitch. I want a where are they now on Kid Nation!!!

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