“What do I look for in a woman? There are lots of qualities that I’m definitely attracted to, like a good sense of humor, intelligence, ambition, and the confidence that comes with having a solid relationship with one’s family and friends, and a sense of purpose and place in this world. But, you know, everyone’s different, and while some combination of those things is ideal, missing one or two isn’t a dealbreaker. I’ll tell you this, though: she has GOT TO take naked photos in front of her high school and then claim that it was in response to “bullying” and to show the bullies that she “is here to stay.” Then she should have her website’s manager (oh, also she should have a website and a manager for that website) come on the news via webcam and tell people that her nude photos were NOT publicity for her site, even though her site IS a porno site, and the manager should also go on to claim that he tried to get out of the adult entertainment industry but the GOVERNMENT forced him back into it. I’m not a super picky guy, all I want is a nice girl, but she does have to have the qualities I mentioned above (with the photos and the website, sense of humor OPTIONAL).”

- You

What a dream girl. IF YOU LIKE IT THEN YOU SHOULD PUT A RING ON HER! (Via WarmingGlow.)

Comments (16)
  1. #setsofjugs

  2. We just share an abiding love of Kitty from arrested development. You guts probably don’t understand.

  3. “Why would you give me a ticket for Public Nudity if I’m trespassing on Private property?” Nothing to add to that logic.

  4. [insert infinite jokes about putting some kind of ring somewhere on someone]

  5. This seems like a solid plan. Everyone knows that half-naked women are a natural bully repellant.

  6. Guys, she was seriously a friend of mine back in high school.

    I don’t recall ever bullying her, but if I did, I apologize for all this.

  7. Congratulations! I’ve now found a sleazier job title than ‘club promoter.’

    “I’m Mr. [Website] Manager!”
    “It’s just Website Manager.”

  8. 69°! Get it?

  9. That might be your girlfriend, but that’s definitely your local news.

  10. No one will read this now….but if you haven’t watched this on CC then you have not LIVED. For instance, right now it says ((rockets)). Is there a rocket sound effect or something?! I hope I never know.

  11. It’s 2013! Why is showing your breasts still a crime if you’re female?!

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