The last time we checked in with 90210 star Ian Ziering, he was launching his own “personal cosmetics” line, whatever that means. In describing the company, Ziering said “as an actor, you know that every act has a closing curtain,” and “I’m always looking for additional revenue streams.” It seemed like a bummer at the time, but that was before Ian Ziering announced that he was joining the Chippendales dancers. That seemed like an even bigger bummer. But neither of those bummers are as big as the bummer that is photos of Ian Ziering AS a Chippendale dancer. Make no mistake: he looks healthy. No one is saying that Ian Ziering doesn’t look healthy. And you have to applaud him doing what he loves: finding new revenue streams. But, like, that face he is making? And just the overall feeling of despair that comes with imagining the course his life took between the end of 90210 and this moment? Oh, I’m sure there were some good years in there somewhere, and I bet he sees this newest development as another success in a life built out of one incredible success after the other. But, just, sometimes you need to lie down, you know? Sometimes you think, OK, enough is enough, we gave it our best shot, we really did, but now it is time to turn off the lights and lock up the doors because this world is Closed For Business. Thank you again to all of our customers and we couldn’t have done it without you, but at a certain point you have to admit that it’s simply not working anymore. Good luck to whatever comes next. We just hope that you can learn from our mistakes. (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (15)
  1. I wonder if Ian Ziering feels like he got the goofy outcomes in the “Choose your own Adventure” of life

  2. Oh dear.

  3. You know when you find out a celebrity dies and you say ‘oh, I thought they were already dead’? Honestly, I’m surprised this hadn’t already happened.

  4. Steve Sanders? More like Steve Sadners.

  5. During a long stretch of unemployment, my wife would suggest different areas to try out, sometimes unrelated to my education or skills. Male stripper often came up, usually as a joke in a relevant conversation. Sometimes those conversations leaned towards the genuine. There were moments in which I actually considered the possibility, but my immediate rejections of those thoughts were not rooted in any semblance of a moral dilemma. My reasoning was that I CAN’T FUCKING DANCE.

    My overwhelming whiteness led me not to pursue a job in stripping. I look at Mr. Zeiring in that photo, my first thought is ‘Wow, he’s really tumbled down that ladder’. My second is ‘Wow I could have climbed that ladder’.

    I’ve given up judging strippers or even flat-out sex workers. Most of them probably make a good deal more than some of us, but that’s besides the point. If you had a successful primetime show 15-20 years ago and have no other options, why not sell your fucking body to get by?

    But his face does seem kinda weird. What’s going on with his ears?

  6. Those two guys with him were on the Amazing Race! That’s why you should be watching the Amazing Race! To look at guys like that!!

    Also, I know far too many women my age who would for sure go see Steve Sanders at a strip club. Far too many. I need new friends.

  7. In his defense, he probably thought he was signing on to be a Rescue Ranger.

  8. He’s going to poop his pants if he keeps walking around flexing his abs that hard.

  9. But you gotta admit that his spray-on tan doesn’t look half bad.

  10. Who is the fierce looking little gerbil in the middle?

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