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Man, roller skating is the best. So fun. Everyone loves roller skating. Your mom loves roller skating. Doctors, lawyers, pastry chefs, midwestern architects, scuba-diving instructors, planetarium workers, vegans who sometimes eat honey, counter-culture revolutionary heroes, people who like pizza, guys whose Dungeons and Dragons characters are seventh-level chaotic good Elf Mages, the entire city of Medford, all love roller skating. Even DMX, who once rapped

I’m comin in the house
and I’m gunnin’ for your spouse
Tryin’ to send the bitch back to her maker
And if you got a daughter older then 15
I’ma rape her
Take her on the living room floor
right there in front of you

loves to SKATE. IT. UP. He was just released from prison on May 14th, and he’s being sentenced again on assault charges on June 8, but obviously before he goes back to jail he made sure to get in a quick skate. So hood! So fun!

Fix your face!

(Via Paul Scheer.)

Comments (18)
  1. That One  |   Posted on Jun 3rd, 2009 +35

    “The hardest part of rollerblading is telling your parents that you’re gay.”

  2. He truly roller skates like a Ruff Ryder.

  3. BUILT FOR WAR! COUPLES-SKATE ONLY!

  4. Pink quads be gangsta fo’ sho!

  5. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  6. DMX is so gangsta he doesn’t even participate in the hokey pokey, but he waits until it gets done and skates over to take all the candy anyway.

  7. It’s hard to to roller skate while you are barking like a pitbull and driving an ATV down stairs.

  8. One time, I made this video for Youtube of Sailor Moon having a bad acid trip, hallucinating talking flowers who start rapping in sync to “Up in Here” by DMX. It was hilarious, but was taken down immediately cause of the music choice. I’m like “DMX is in JAIL… for the 6th time. Who cares if I use his song, he’s not even a functioning member of society at this point!”

    Enjoy your freedom while it lasts, Mr. X

  9. fruit boots

  10. One of my favorite web videos of all time was this one with DMX on crack. (Why yes I do watch a lot of COPS.) I can find one with him probably on crack, but it’s not the one I remember. Best of luck to him.

  11. As a roller derby skater, I have a love affair with skates. I would have sex with them if I could. DMX makes me a bit embarrassed, but mostly I’m just happy to see rollerskating at any opportunity.

  12. Selena  |   Posted on Jun 3rd, 2009 +1

    QUAD SKATES 4EVA!

  13. best DMX quote ever: I BEAT MY DICK AND BUST OFF IN YO EYE SO YOU CAN SEE ME COMING

  14. kim  |   Posted on Jun 3rd, 2009 +5

    I try not to comment, because then I have to admit to myself that I regularly follow a blog – and I fit into categories of thestuffwhitepeoplelike.com but I SIR LIVE IN MEDFORD (for now,) and we only do coke when we go to college reunions.

  15. this is definitely a THING. you guys obviously didn’t see ATL (because no one saw ATL).

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