For years now, mankind has lived in fear of the robot uprising, and for good reason. Robots are so mean! And they have pinchers for hands! And their eyes are lasers that will burn you, and their teeth are grinding gears that will ruin the sleeves on all of your shirts. Ugh, I ask you, is there anything worse in this world than a robot? And yet, while robots remain horrible and disgusting, it appears that our fear of them pooling their resources and taking over this place were unfounded. I’m not saying we’re entirely safe from these assholes, but the only way they are going to get into the White House is by fucking CHEATING. After the jump I have posted some typical robot propaganda in which some robot tries to prove that robots are better than human beings by running faster than one of our fastest runners. Yikes, OK, that would definitely be a good reason to call a house meeting. But when you review the tape, you will see that this guy is totally CHEATING! For one thing, HE IS NOT EVEN RUNNING. He’s on a train track! So, what, now we are supposed to be scared of a TRAIN UPRISING? We already know that dudes can’t run faster than trains. The trains won that race back in the 1980s. So what. Are the robots going to build a train track that runs right into the Pentagon and then race us to the Pentagon?! Fuck you, robots, you fucking idiots. You fucking losers. Haha. Fuck robots no joke! All robots can burn in robot hell for as far as I’m concerned. Look at this shit, I’m sick to my stomach:

With his stupid face. YOU HAVE NO HONOR, ROBOT! Whatever. You won the race but you just lost the war, you stupid piece of shit robot with a stupid face and train track legs good luck with that drop dead. (Via HyperVocal.)

Comments (16)
  1. Can i go back to bed now

  2. Haha. Fuck you, Brian!

  3. I’d be at least a little bit scared of a train uprising.

    • My favorite place on earth is the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, MI, but my least favorite place on earth is the locomotive display in the Henry Ford. I am scared to go near them, and it’s to the point where I see them and look the other way. Even my niece makes fun of me, and she is a child! But look how big this locomotive is! So I am VERY scared of the train uprising. AND the robot uprising. I’m a mess!

      • I’m confused Flanny. So you love Model T’s, but you hate trains? I’m pretty sure more people drove off cliffs or into Charlie Chaplain or glass plates or something than were hit by locomotives! (don’t research that, its a stone cold fact)

    • Me too. Like what if one day Thomas the Tank Engine just decides he’s had enough??

  4. I, too, challenge Adam to a race, with the help of my “special racing chair”

  5. This is total bullshit.

  6. Wow next you’re gonna tell me that a computer could match my astonishing feats of memory.

  7. Sorry everyone but that robot Brian has a sweet face and I’d like to own one of him some day. He could do all my running around. Haaaahahahahahaaaaaaa Ahhaahhhaaaa.

  8. Talking about how stupid Brian is reminds me of this old video:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BaGAyW56e0
    It represents all the great stuff about being a human. Robots can’t start a band centered around pretending to be German. They just can’t.

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