pussy_disguise

Hahaha. AHHHHHHHHH. These photos come from ONTD where there is SOME kind of explanation for what is going on here, but is an explanation really necessary? It’s Leonardo DiCaprio and ranking Pussy Posse (gross, sorry) consigliere Lukas Haas wearing some wack Sleep No More masks on their way to what is clearly going to be the best Eyes Wide Shut prostitute-murder party of the year! But first: PIZZA PARTY! Gahhhhhh. That pizza picture is almost better than the Pussy Posse (gross, sorry) picture, but not quite. Because the Pussy Posse (gross, sorry) picture is very special. HI BOYS! The new Mister Cool Disguises, to be sure. An easy title to get, a far trickier title to hold onto. Ask Gary Busey and Alec Baldwin. I love that Leonardo DiCaprio is wearing sunglasses over his spooky mask. SORRY, MAN. You still got RAZZI’D! That’s the tricky thing, you know? The horrible, horrible masks should be enough to fool the civilians, especially since Tha Boyz are in Venice, Italy, and everyone’s too busy drinking their venti caramel macchiatos to notice a celeb, because that’s where venti caramel macchiatos were invented. But because Tha Boyz are out to have fun and get some puss-ay (gross, sorry, but the truth is gross sometimes) Leo decided to throw some cool shades on over the mask to throw the paparazzi off the scent (as if you can’t smell the Pussy Posse a mile away HOW MANY TIMES CAN I SAY THAT I AM SORRY. THIS IS MY LIFE’S WORK AND I MUST DO IT) but Leonardo DiCaprio made a fatal error. He forgot that Venice, Italy, is known for inventing two things: venti caramel macchiatos and PAPARAZZI. So now the very people he put the sunglasses on to fool are the same people capturing him looking like a fool in their long lens candid shots. Luckily for Leo and the rest of the Pussy Posse (gross, sorry) no one cares what you look like at the Eyes Wide Shut party as long as you know the password, and you KNOW that Leo knows the password. He invented passwords. What’s latin for pizza? No, that’s the whole password, “What’s latin for pizza?” Creaky door slowly swings open. Dark sex happens.

Comments (28)
  1. They look like a litter of Vader-Bane babies.

  2. The Pussy Posse revolution has begun! V for Von Dutch!

  3. They look like rejected Thomas the Tank Engine characters.

  4. Does Lukas Haas actually DO anything anymore? Is being Leonardo DiCaprio’s friend his actual job now?

    • Does blow count? I’m pretty sure he does blow.

      • Yeah, and a lot of minders and chaperones of barely legal Russian models I assume.

        • Do you think Leo gives him an allowance so he can show some of the less-hot girls a good time every once in awhile? Like, “Ugh, that one doesn’t look like a younger clone of all my exes, you can have her. Here’s $1000 and the keys to my assistant’s Prius. You kids have fun.”

    • He was pretty good in Brick. And the Roses video from Outkast. Although both of those are seven hundred years old, I’m now realizing.

    • I imdb’ed him to make a clever joke and I saw that he was the dream maker guy who fucked up the carpet thing in Inception and I was like, “Just for wearing ridiculous masks he gets to be in Inception and I’m sitting here in my office wearing a smug sour puss. Who’s laughing now?” (It’s still me, he looks ridiculous).

  5. I am pretty sure that venice is also famous as the place where frank lloyd wrong was murdered by a dwarf. I think. I kind of lost the thread of that movie.

  6. “Dark Sex Happens” is the name of my new memoir. (God I wish it was. I WISH IT WAS!!!)

  7. Puh-lease, guys. This is Frat-esque behavior. You’re grown men!

  8. I’d like to see them wear THAT shit to the beach.

  9. Who is Mr. Cool Disguise Number 3? WHO IS IT? (See, it works.)

  10. I think my favorite part of this picture is the “Fan-girl.org” watermark.

  11. Sorry Gabe, “dark sex”? And that would involve exactly whom? “You People”?? I’m beginning to think Gabe is prejudiced against Vaders, sad news day.

  12. Blend in with the locals, check, check, and triple check. Pussy Posse ahoy!

  13. I can’t even think of something funny because I am so dumbfounded

  14. pussy_disguise

    Can alt tags win Pulitzers?

  15. Daaang boys, lookin’ hot in those whiskered jeans.

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